I don think its bragging to say i am something a little special

Everbody says i am an easy going guy. i could be nice with you in a day.
But its only fair that i have the best friend in the world, and that`s Andre Pitoy. He never asks for anything; he always there when someone needs him. ( especially me), There is no one like him. He is unique, He`s the best there is. And if you write that, I dont want Andre To think i`m getting soft, so write down that he`s lucky i`m his friend too, And tell him i said i am the only person in the person who likes him.

On the other hand, When Cindy and I split, I just about went crazy, sitting in her room, smelling her perfume, starring at the walls, But it was something that had to happen. She wouldnt do what she was supposed to. She left me for some stupid fuck, She hurt my feeling, She abandon me like i am nothing for her. everything didnt look right.....
One time, I went nuts and i kick all of her stuffs, I almost broke my hand, my hand was bleeding. It was wrong. Its the only time I did something nuts like that, and after i did that i felt sorrier than she did. It hurts me more than it hurt her. I am still young, twenty years old, and she was doing things against what i believe, but thats not excuse. A man should never hurt a woman like I did.

"My wish is not to mean everything to everyone, but to mean something to someone"

Red + Blue= ?

Violet is the same color as Red and it means anger
Blue means sadness
If its combine together it will end up in anger in the sadness
As the color of the Sky reflects how i feel..

Helplesly, Hoping, Silently sighing, Wishfuly waiting for love
Still never truly understood the meaning of my life
With all things changing around me, I shall never be the same again
You were the battery that always tick, the medicine that enables my heart to beat
I couldnt feel your magnetic stare,
The rhythm has gone...now it has its very own rhyme
We lost ourselves in in a brief moment.
This is what i called broken into pieces..

Puzzle wont needed no more...It couldnt solve it.....

Forever has its day

From the very beginning i said
You`ll see my love within my eyes
An unending love so strong
It will surely make you cry

Let my action speaks louder
Then my words wont be misunderstood
All we need is to listen...i mean really listen and just hear

May Hateness be forgotten
May you always be happy..forever and ever

Hot to Cold

You dont have to understand about us!
What you have to do is just....
To Let it happend

Life Goes on

Well...how should i start to tell the story....
I have a lot of assignment due next week. Communication is very hard major. i`m afraid that i`m going to fuck up. The reason i took this major because i know my quality my self, what i lack of, what i`m not good at. I`m not a good presenter, i`m suck to deal with people, i ought to get a job that i dont have to talk and talk. i am a person who prefer action rather than talk. and if i were in class i never trying to be a smart arse. i tend to listen, i dont wanna being branded, or my class mate thinks i am a kiss ass type of a person. but i found out nowadays in this world without talking and good presentation you wont achieve your goal. even though i used to be a tour guide before. i tend to avoid talking with my customer, i never do such speech or introduction in formal way. Well, I`m lost right now. i have to rethink what should i do instead of worry about what i couldnt do.

I love a reality tv show called Apprentice. To see them compete each other made me realised that i`m far from good. I guess i never be such a good and talented Presenter. Well i dont wanna say it is because of English language is my third language. i dont wanna blame anything.
i shoulda work hard. if they can how come i`m not being able to be like them?
I just got an email from the job that i had applied. Well.. i`m quite down at the moment. cause i`m unsuccesful to get the job. Well at least i can learn from it. It was a good experience and a good picture how`s the big firm play their role. I just tell my self that next time will be better.
I hope i can relieve a lil bit by thinking in that way.

To be honest i dunno why i am so unmotivated. was it because of my circumstances?, Life is hard but i have to move on no matter what. I still wanna be in this blue verse, but i dont wanna wasting my time. I kept remembered the voice of my parents. they have a big faith on me. and i dont wanna mess it up. i wanna pursue my goal. soon i`m going to become 21 years old.
It is time for me to concentrate on everything i do. i have to. no more joking, no more playing, no more bitching, no more hating, dont give a shit no more to those hypocrites.

Yesterday my cousin stayed in my house. She told me what was going on. Well i am relieved because Cindy had done his project even though she didnt say anything to me. I didnt come to your Final presentation( which i really wanted to come) because 1. i feel sick to watch their face, 2. i dunno how are you going to respond and deal with me. i am a lil bit scared that we might end up in a weird situation. 3. I dont wanna hurt you anymore and i dont wanna being hurt as well. 4. I have to stick to my plan which is doing fine in my project and assignment, and i have to stick with myself about avoiding you until you get the meaning of what i had said to you. 5. I dont think you wanna see my face and i hate the fact you aint give a shit about me.

Well i guess i am doing suck at the moment. i hope i can bounce back as soon as possible. I`m quite dissappointed though about the job. because it is a nice job with good income as well. It was entirely my fault. no one to be blame. I`m so unmotivated, but i have to wake up and finish my project. Well at this moment, You are still leading( you know who you are) dont worry babe. i`ll bounce back and will be better than ever. You can smile right now but not until i left you behind my ass. :P
Well i shouldnt say these things but you inspired me and you kept reminding me. without you i probably will be lost in the middle of the forest. Thx for guiding me so far and thx for being so sweet all this time. Our bet is still on... i`m not going to let this walk away. i`m not going to give up yet. because i have to let you see how great i am...i must be the greatest.....and after that i will retire and laugh to those people who looked down on me and made my life miserable.
Fuck Yall Commoners.

And for Doris...i wish i could sensored anything that i said to you. but we both know its impossible. i never lie and you know i hate being lied. i never regret for what i said. cause it is what i feel about you and the whole things. it went sux i know...the conversation. I dont know how to make this easier for you.. because i`m so tired..i hope you will understand that i`m tired about fights, argument. I never wanted it ended like that. At least i am glad that finally you know that i am no good. i wish i could reverse the situation but i have a lot of things to take care of.
so if you read this....i want you to know i regret nothing and i will stick to what i am. you think you know me very well. but the fact is you gave the wrong perception about me. I told you there are so many untold secret. no one can understand me as well as my self. i know i was being such an ass. you even said i`m such an ego person. Well i have to admit it. It was you who light up the fire..if it wasnt you started it first, i wont be pissed. Well i thank you for your patient to listen to me and give me such a good advise as my sister. but too bad the conversation went fucked up. Next time you dont have to listen to me no more.

I am getting used with my self. I have no one to rely on. thats fine with me. i know it sounds pathetic but i dont give a fuck no more to anyone who against me. i just wanna stick with my friends who love me for who i am, supporting me all the good times and bad times, never says i am an idiot, or whatsoever.
Till later.. i will start my first journey in the real world tomorrow.
Love you guys especially Bebe..
I am so sorry not being able to tell you what i feel. i was too afraid.. and your attitude doesnt seem to be friendly to me. I still waiting for the day when all the bad memories are erased.

Till then i will be gone.. and so are you.

Violet =Red=Anger

I have a thought when i was thinking about my past.
These day is very hard for me to deal with, People ought to assuming that i`m such an asshole person which i think its not fair. Some people says "Dont judge a book by its cover". well i guess in my case, such quote doesnt reflects any shit. i`m tired of people who trying to stab my back, i`m tired of being treated unrespect., i`m tired about people telling me what they want. i`m tired of listening for those who has a two face, I`m tired being used. Fuck Em, I aint give a shit anymore.

A few days ago, something quite shocking happend to me. the bast part is i might get a job in Coles Myer. i`m still waiting for the answer though. i was sucked at the interview i guess, but i have a confidence to get the job. and the worst part is that i have to face Her again in 2005 january. she told me that she`ll come to study again. well i guess its not because she wanted to study at the first place. I reckon she`s coming back because of the fuck face.
I`m not sure about my feeling right now. but seems like i`m quite sad with her decision. Why??
I have so many WHY question in my mind.
But this time i will keep it in my heart and my mind instead to show my emotional part.

Its hard for me nowadays to keep my standard of my result in school. because i couldnt concentrate when i was at home. there are small confrontation between my housmate. but i think i`m not gonna tell a story about it. cause i wanna stick to my plan. this site is only for her.dedicated for her. who hurt me so much, rip my world apart, made me miserable and fuckin stoned about life. Well i decided that i might not send you the letter and let you know about my feelings until i will fade away from your life forever. Well your decision to came back to Sydney really bothers me a lot. I know its your money and you have rights to go wherever you wanted. But to tell you the truth its hard for me to have an easy n happy life to face with your appearance. The fact that we might meet somewhere in the shooping mall, in the street, on the bus or whatsoever really annoyed me. Since i respect your decision, i hope you will understand my decision and my perception as well..

At least i already tried my best to make you happy. I am done, Today is the day you have a final presentation. u just called me and asked me to come. Well i hope you will show your best, off course i hate to see you fail your final project. I believe in you.
I have to tell you something that i couldnt express. i knew that you also one of those bastard who spread a bad rumours about me. You told everyone in your group that i`m bastard bla bla bla. The impact of it really pissed me off even though i`m okay with it. Cat is an asshole and biatch. She was trying to spread and influence my class mate to hate me. but unfortunately some of my class mate turn to hate her. well i guess she got her own lesson by being such a big mouth. Army told me that Cat was telling her something about me. haha thx army.. she trust me and turn to set an arrow to that bitch. Well i guess you cindy should stop doing that. i never try to make you look bad in my friends group. i always respect you. but since you chose to be one of them. i can tell you now that i`m okay with it. it aint matter to me.. cause i`m tired.

Its better for someone who express their feeling towards purely rather to talk n assuming something behind of it. The reason i went nuts is because i`m lost. At least i show you The reality inside me. I never show fake or acting scenes when i was with you.
Well if you are a smart girl. you wont hate me like you hate me today
your choice for being like this i couldnt blame you.
I am lonely yeah. still i dunno what will happend to my future.
i might drop my study if..1. i fail one of my subject...2. if i fuck up once again and drown in a big hole...3. the rest part is because of your apperance. i rather go in some place alone.
I missed my parents because they are so understanding these day
especially my DAD who always support me n love me without showing it instead of proving it.
I`m so grateful that i given a chance to achieve my goal instead of continue my family business which i`m not into with.

I hope that time will go fast so i can find my own happiness.
Until Later....i`ll write again..

" To be happy is the choice i wish to make in spite of the circumstances that are strewn in my path".