break and broken

Third semester had gone.. just finished the exam on monday..it was only 1 though..and its pretty straight forward question..aint got nothing to worry no more. the only thing that i can do is only just to work maybe..
i just bought a new ipod nano and new mobile phone panasonic vs3..
currently i am broke.. and having a long break..and if you can feel my heart my dear cia2.. my heart broken into pieces... the trauma..the pain.. the memory wont fade away?
is there something wrong with me?

if i am a really grown up person or matured kind of guy..i wont think about it..at least it wont be matter no more to me.. as long as you love me totally..but what in the blue..i am still doubt about you..

I always have a thought..how wonderful it was..if you never cheated on me..
how wonderful.. if i never found out..
Right now i am so scared to give you my heart..even though u tried ur bery best to convinced me that u got nothing to do with him no more..but still.. i believe that it was because.. he stop pursuing you.
i believe that..if someday in the future..if he keep pursuing you...its gonna be hard for you to reject him..if someday..i turn into asshole..you`ll be in his arm again..what i meant by asshole is that,... i will never forget and kept saying same shit and bringing up the same stuffs every single time

right now..i dont have faith to myself..that i can totally.. forget what u did to me.
it hurts like hell.. i became weak ass muthafucka..i hate this kind of feeling..
i love you so much dear.. you are the reason that i can move on ..i can face a lot of circumstances by myself..
i want to show you that..i deserve you..

by the time goes by..someday somehow..i will tell the story from the beginning..not based on how it was happend..but from the way how i remember it..

i know that..till today..you still have a slight feelings for him..i aint stupid or dumb..
i can feel it though..that u are not in love with me..
but the thing that i wanna do right now is that..i want to stop calling you everyday..
so you know that i can let you go..i know its hard and seems impossible for me to do so.
but i`ll try no matter how hard it is..

i really hope that you can find someone better than me..
that can accept you for who you are..or were..
someone that wont give a head about ur past..
simply..someone greater than me ..
this is the least thing that i can do..

I love you too much..my expectation is higher than anything that i ever want in this world..
but things has changed since you were busted..till then...
nite..my cia..