Where is the X mas vacation?

Ok so i hava been acting Drama theatric recently!, i act like i am the weakest link from all of my mates! Though, i had learn from them how to be cold hearted! hahaha
Anyhow, i am still planning on my vacation! what should i do and etc!

Yenny gave me a call, and probably we will spend the holiday together if its possible!
so cross your finger! it might fun!
I am suppose to go to Jakarta to meet Army cs! but probably i couldnt make it there until January!

The matter of fact is that, I am confused because i have 3 potential gf!

Retard!

I just got home yesterday to Medan, I arrived at 3.30 a.m! Airlines-Fuckin retard!
I am so pissed with all the bullshit!
anyway after i got into medan, things are really not going like i want it to be!

So i went to fortune-teller to ask about my the one. He said that We aint belong together but on the other hand, he gave a prediction of football matches and 3 of it were all lost! So i am a bit twisted about to believe it or not...but really it bothers me! I am seriously dont even know what to do!

That was afternoon by the way, by the night i have to pick up my Mum from the airport, but before that Ivana came by to my house to pick up some things! she came with her bf which she told me they day before that she is going to break up! i am so pissed and just left cause i am sicked and tired of chix bull crap! seriously!

Then suddenly Cindy my bebe gave me a call and warn me about yenny cause she heard something about her from bebe's trustworthy mate!
She said that yenn is a cheap girl and no good! i shoulda watch my back and let her go! bla bla bla... so i am so disturbed by the facts about gossip contra with the facts that she and i are really connected!

So i am so fuckin confused!, what a retard! But i couldnt ignore Cindy's advise cause i knew she care about me a lot and she is doing no harm for me!
What i have been through in Jkt gave me a lot of doubt about her anyway! cause we acted like we were couple! and the more i meet her, the more i care about her! it sad to leave Jakarta and knowing that there is someone else chasing her!.

But i gotta be matured and act cool!So i do have a plan to come again in the next 2 weeks, but because of a lot of talking about her! (Bad one). i am so scared that i might get punked real bad!
Anyhow, i gotta focus o my goal and future instead of her btw!

Cause i really believe in my instinct that she is a good person! We met because we were destined! I know i am a good person! i wouldnt fall in the same hole again n again!
i gotta follow my guts instead of listening to others opinion!

However, everything is going to awesome if i could make it to Jakarta!
cause instead of living in Hell(Mdn). i would rather be in some other places without so much gossip!

Capital City here i comeee

Jakarta, in the next 2 days i will be with my mates over there..hell yeah baby!
Anyhow, I wont fall for the same mistakes again! i will take nothing for granted!

Its been a cool time between me and yen, its cool though, at least i know what to do next!
as i said, i aint the same me as i was before!
so fuck chix, i got plently of plans to make with my brothas...
Wish me luck then, though i will see her but it wont affect me no more
cause she aint the potential gf!

i deserve better, and whatever i ask for! i shall receive!

Finale

Its been a busy week, So as i said before 3 of my mates went to other cities to start their new life!
Anyhow, On Sunday i sent Yenny to the airport, i never expect that i would see her again after from the Karaoke. She has been very busy and a lot of guys called her, so i never wanted to bother her or annoyed her time!

But she did call me and we met at the airport since i got her tickets, so i went there and fix her luggage and stuffs. The funny thing is that, i am so glad that she is about to leave Medan for good. but some part of me are quite sad i dunno why!.. maybe because we clicked, and she could make me laugh!. i was so happy whenever i was with her!

I miss the way she eat a lot, the way she acting cute, the way she's laughing, and etc2..
i knew that falling for someone like her would do no good to me cause she's having a lot of guys attracted to her, and i didnt expect too much from her since i am happy as her mates..

The funny thing is that when she was about to leave, we hug and she kiss my cheeks, but accidently when i was turn my face to the side, our lips were touched! haha...i felt bad and i sent her sms said i was sorry. She called me back and said it was supposed to be longer when our lips touched! damnnn... she was flirting with me..

Anyhow, i like a tall girl..ironicly i met a lot of midget chix, and i am so afraid that i will end up with shorts one.. huhuh... so Sad, thats why never make any promises and criteria to urself or you might end up of getting the opposite one!

Thus, i do care about her a lot. i wish she will find her happines over there and she will be succesful in whatever she is doing!.

Last Supper

It has been a hectic week for me!.
Sadly, 3 of my mates has to leave Medan for some reason!
1. Vandelgo, has been my mate since i was in high school, we had the same interest in gambling n stuffs, but as the matter of fact he is truly genuine guy i have ever met! Good luck to him in Solo, may the best occur in his life!

2. Ferty, i watched her from a tough situation till the happy one! she is going to Singapore to continue her study in make up studies, She has been a great mate of mine, eventhough when she was having a relationships, we lost contact! but its cool, cause whenever she broke up, she would let me notice right away, She had a bad relationships like i had!

3. Yenn, Just hung out with her like a month ago, She is the most funniest person i have ever met, loveable, mature and etc. It was so sad that she has to leave Medan for good while me and her are startin to get very close. I am so comfortable whenever she was around!
I was hoping that our friendship doesnt end just right here!

So yesterday we had our last supper in sushi tei then from there we went to Karaoke, it was fun, though cindy has to leave before 12, i am pretty sad that all the joy and laughter has to end when the entire night has ended!

I dont even know when will i see my mates again!
but surely i will always pray for them and wish them luck!

Anyhow i met this one girl, she is a friend of yenn as well, We met last 3 days, and i wasnt interested to her, but she kept sending me sms. honestly, These day girls are became more wilder than before!
She aint ugly, but the fact that she has the mouthache and over make up turn me off
Today is Saturday, and i aint going out, i dont feel like to do anything since that i am truly sad for the dissapperance of my mates.

it aint easy to find a new mate and to communicate with a new person!
huhu..

November Rain

November supposed to be a Sweet month! but it aint happend to me though
Recently i just got back from Japan, a duty as the tour guide was okay for me... not a great one..just okay..

3 years ago when i was in Japan with my mum was much more fun than this year!
i went with 40 guest from Medan, and i was having a problem since that the extended guest couldnt make it home since that a bunch of people went abroad!.
As a result they got stucked in KL and the guest rang me up like a crazy that made my head spinning around like shit!, i aint sleeping!

I hate Four Seas anyhow, travel agency is not my cup of tea for sure, though my parents are trying to encouraging me to swim into this field. dont get me wront though, I Love travelling, but when it was a hectic time, u might get into some real deep shit problem like me!

Thank God that the problems solved!, i am enjoying my day in this shitty holy town!
I met a lot of new people, made some new mates, its all good! though some of them are really pain in the ass!, as i said before (previous blog) people in here are such a dick head.
i couldnt say in another words how to describe those commoners!
I was looking for the dictionary to express how i feel, but i found none to elaborate!

I went to a pub last saturday, it was lame for sure of course!, So many funny things to tell that i dont even know how to get it started!.

Well, i went there because i was forced to join them together, so many funny things that i dont even know how to start!.
Aint pretty chix there, though its crowded!. i met a lot of old mates! it was cool, but the Live Band it sux!.. people call that place retro as a clubbing club, but for me, it was just a bunch of cockroaches gathering around singing some pa-the-tic songs that i dont even recognized! (they sang Indo-fuck-nesian songs)

And the funny things is that people are dancing wild, jumping like their titties wanna poped up! get drunk, nasty and shit. i aint blaming them, but i was watching people and i was thinking that they were so easily satisfied/entertained!
i aint giving the band credit forthe songs that they were performed! Coz 1 thing that made me so harsh! because they simply sux and i have seen better club!
Thats that

okay 1 more thing, there was one guy got up to the stage (he came from nowhere i reckoned). start to do some break dancing that was absolutely fugly!. the audiences was getting wild and impressed. i shoulda record that shitty dance! i barely laugh and sober cause i was a bit tipsy since i didnt enjoy the places! i just kept drinking and smoking!

In my conclusion, Medan is a living hell.. i aint getting happiness, I miss Sydney so much that sometimes i felt like a dork that every little single thing of the things happend in here, i compared it with my life or things in Sydney!
Aint better place for me rather in OZ. i gotta find my way and try to fit into the society in here!
I got plenty of cool friends recently but still in night i always have Oz in my mind, especially my mates over there! the coolest mate ever!

I miss yall nigga!

Jakarta here i come on 23th November...

life goes on

Standing

So i am standing here right now, In my room...feeling the dull and the boredom of my hometown.
Today is the day that i finally felt that i cant fuckin stand it here.
Some of my girl mate told me that i would gain some difficulty into having a relationships with a local girl!.

My confidence was quit okay, but today since i havent found anyone that matches my eye and heart. i feel retard and suddenly my confidence was dropped dramatically.
Well anyhow, 1 week from now on i will be in Japan!
9 days vacation should be great for me!

Should have a lot of fun before entering the year of myself (PIG).
wish me luck for my trip and hopefully i will have the oppurtunity to meet new people!. fresh one obviously, aint jerks, aint fuckin hypocrites and whatsoever that have anything to do with royale asses.

i was wondering when will i leave this town? will i ever? that's the question that really need to be answered!

i got to stay funky, strong and cool!
Anyhow, thats all the boring stuff about me. cause i am living in a boring place as well and having a rotation life that goes the same shit with the same person!
I hate the routine GODD!

my life isnt as chalengging as before!
What is i gon do?

Ask Why?...

Okay firstable i promised before that i will kept writing my journal...Well..
I tell you what, i have been vacuum for nearly 5 months...Why?
instead of writing, i was reading a lot, to improve my writing skills in da future (my wish).
To be frankly, my english kinda sux these day, cause dont have anyone to talk in English.

people in here are so fuckin arrogant and shit! there is no fuckin way that i can be mates with those pussies. Well i have news! guess what? I hate it heree!! I cant take this shit no moreee!!!
But as a consequences of the fact that i have taken i have to live with it and face it.
Therefore, i have been such a lazy ass myself!

I couldnt sleep at night, i have some kind of paranoia or you might call insomniacs shit! i might turn myself into some maniac! if i couldnt change my habit.
Oh yeah, for another information i am lone ranger!
i have nobody to fuck with nor to be passionate with like i used to.
am i become so that lame?

Here is the thing, my knowledge became isolated because i have been living in this shit hole!
i know nothing about current issues or whatsoever!. the damn thing that i am sure know of is current gossips of some pathetic people in here!.
Thus, i asked myself! Am i happy at being here? there you go.. you got the answe mate
So this time blogging, i dont have any such valuable knowledge to share with nor any story of mine.. cause my life is DULL!

the only thing that matters to me is my parents.
thats all i got to think about!
maybe i need to get laid to overcome my circumstances!
i wouldnt have thunk like this if i will get some ass!
aint you guys agree?
being lonely is the shittest thing,
being random is the lamest thing to do

i have no clue what in da world am i living!
so excuse my french, i have been cussing a lot in this blog.
Next episode of my story will be a lot more interesting than this one..
meanwhile, i have to sleep and gain my ration for another sequel of my boring life
Later later!

I am still at there...

things are obviously like a rock bottom, my life has been a roller coaster..
I have already been here for about a month or so, suddenly my father fainted when he was praying. right now i am in Singapore..

my father will have some medical check up in national university hospital.
i am quite content with what i am doing in Indo, i got a good job, and i started my own stuff with no one bugging me, i got friends that care about me...even though that i have lost her.
its okay, i know that patient will lead me to somewhere,
remember everything happend for a reason

all i have to do is just stick to my goal, earn money and money..
avoid bad people..
trust myself, trust my inner senses..
and if i conduct these principle..i know that everything i ask i shall receive..

I will rise, and i will kick some butt..

Graduation

The day i am going to the ceremony, it is going to be my last day to be in Sydney.
I have been good right now, everything is quite normal these day. cause i force myself to be in a state of my mind.

There are so many things that i wanna do when i am going back.
my number 1 priority is to focus to myself, to find happiness and to be more content on what will i am going to conduct.

I will always remember the rules of the engagement that taught by my fellows mate.
nothing will go wrong this time, cause me myself that control me. no one else!
So i wanted to say goodbye to everyone that read my post.
i will chase my dream, my goal, my passion, my love and my future.
i believe that with dignity and will i can do whatever i wanna achieve.
In the deep, i will raise and stand by myself.

Thanks to Sydney, and someday and somehow i will have my way to be in here again

Certainly

Its official that i am going for good after my graduation day.
I dont know who will read my blog but i hope my class mate does.
One thing that i wont forget is our journey from first semester till fourth, i am so glad that i had the chance to know all of you guys individually.

The reason i am going back for good is because of the financial problem.
But i will come back again if everything is settled, meanwhile i will be working and find a job.
I know that i am going to miss Sydney so much, but i got my personal issue that i have to deal with. Life has been tough to me, This year is going to be a testing year for me!
I realized that i am not strong enough to face such circumstances, i have to build and shape my will in order to be success,

So many things happend this february and all of it is a bad one, i am so dissappointed to myself. I didnt give up the study, i am just taking a break due to my family`s condition as well. so dont take me wrong all of you, There are only 3 things that i wanna do, be patient, be strong, and be hard working!. I will keep myself busy,

My life is very sux and to be honest i even hate myself!.
I know that i couldnt ask for advise and share it with all of you guys.
i am so lost and sometimes i wonder what do i have to do to have a happiness life.
I dont even know what to say, my heart and my mind collapse!.

I am very soft hearted kind of guy and sensitive.
I need to change my personality become more mean and bad person.
Everyday i pray for miracle that someday i will find my way that lead me to the happiness.

Now i know that i aint nothing!. but i will be anything that i want, when the time is ready....
i will be unstoppable, nothing can stop me to achieve something!.
Truly and certainly i am feeling blue, lost, confused. there is no happiness around me!.
I cant say no more....
I will thorough though....

None

Saya kembali seperti dulu lagi.
Apa yang paling aku ga inginkan terjadi, aku udah memutuskan untuk for good.
karena aku kehilangan seseorang dan aku ga bisa nerima itu.
Kenapa setiap relationship harus berakhir dengan sama.. saya harus memulai semuanya dr awal untuk memenangkan hati kamu lagi, saya ga yakin saya bisa....

saya pasrah, apalagi yang bisa saya lakukan?
toh kamu ga pernah meliat usaha saya sebagai sesuatu yang sangat menyentuh.
hargailah apa yang telah terjadi bukan melepaskannya.
aku ga bisa percaya lagi apa yang kamu katakan kepada saya..
semua wanita sama..
kamu ga mau jujur terhadap saya...aku ga tau apa isi hati kamu sebenarnya.
saya bingung... dan begitu juga engkau.

ga ada nafsu, ga ada semangat..setiap ari memikirkan kamu.. berharap apa yang kamu katakan itu semua adalah mimpi..
perasaan udah ga ada lagi...udah kosong...kenapa? apa karena berantam bisa begitu?
toh kita banyak agree ama sesuatu.bukankah bagusan kita omongin? jadi kamu lebi prefer gw ga senang gw diam2 aja?
baiklah, mulai sekrg.. gua bakalan nerima semuanya n diam2 kalo gw ga senang ama sesuatu.

aku kira kamu mau bahagiain aku, tetapi sepertinya ga begitu lama..
takutlah sesuatu apabila hanya karena masalah gitu kita pisah.
sepertinya kamu ga peduli..
apalagi yang bisa saya perbuat? hanya menunggu detik tiap detik buat kamu semakin muak ama gw.
gw mau kuat...tetapi ini sama saja seperti yg lalu..dmana hati gw hancur.
apa yang harus saya perbuat? tell me.

toh finally kita udah meliat sapa yg for real n sapa yg gak.

On Hold.....

Everything is a mess...
Dull and got pissed everyday with my girl friend. since its kinda not interesting topic of my entry for this episode.. i will write it in indo since that i wanted her to read it some day in the future.
since she doesnt understand english at all..

But to recap all of what had happend, i would just say that i already got my result of Insearch and i got 69 WAM, 1 D, 4 credit and 1 pass. its a bit dissappointing for me. but hey? life goes on. i might study in other aura of uni. i might move to another country instead of staying in aussie.
it depend on my parents anyway cause they are the one that support me financially, so i have to wait till the graduation day on April then i will see what will my parents got to say.

Ok so this it how it goes with my girl friend.
Indonesia mode on.
kecewa, terhina, dan merasa sia2 semuanya.
gua kira kamu bisa menjadi orang yg bisa ngertiin gw.. but seems like kamu ga mengenal saya sama sekali.
life is waiting, tetapi taukah? untuk menunggu kabar dr loe aja gw harus sampe wasting my own time. apakah hal sepeleh gini saja sulit utk kamu penuhi? since aku bisa mikir yg bukan2 and curiga or bahkan khwatir ama keselamatan kamu.

Telepon kamu rusak, aku mengerti....
sepertinya apa yg aku mau kamu ga bakalan bisa penuhi.
kita liat aja gmana tar, gw udah capek ga mo mikirin loe lagi krn aku ngerasa begok menunggu kamu tapi kamu sendiri ga ada usaha buat nanyain kabar gw.
hari ini valentines day tetapi sikap kamu macam ga menunjukan aku ini ur bf, seems like u had another one in there.
anyway, i am tired ok. aku bukanlah manusia complex, i know what i am, aku tau apa yg gw bilangin.. mungkin kedengeran sinis and kekanak2an..tapi aku bisa begitu juga krn aku banyak berharap aku bs spend my time ama kamu di valentines day.

aku juga bisa semakin ilfeel ok..bukan kamu aja..
kamu harus ingat itu.
kamu udah terlalu sering melukai aku n kecewain diri aku.

Chinese New Year

So on 23rd January we finished our exam, officialy i can say that i am graduated from Insearch. which is awesome. The night we all spent together for the last time in Fujiya, Karaoke Green Box. It was fun. One of the best night ever, coz we were like 20 or more people gathering together.

29th of Jan is a Chinese New Year, its the year of fire dog, which is good. since my chinese zodiac is a pig (2007 is a pig year) i would really hope that 2006 will be a better year for me than previous year. The CNY went pretty sux, coz i was sick real bad, i had fever and sore throat. i was fighting with the pain while others of my mate having a good time in a fancy restaurant.
Jealousy is all the feeling i had.

31st January is my birthday, i am 22 right now, not so happy during my bet day. again.,, cause i havent cured from the sore throat. i have been eating a congee for a week. so sad, cause i couldnt do anything during my good holiday.
i am sure that every mate had a good time, except me.

But today i feel great, finally i am 100% back like normal before, i have been waiting for a moment like this. tonight i am going to friends birthday in tony romas, i hope it willbe great, and i am not gonna eat fried food, and no smoking for a moment. i have to be sure that i am already fit like i used to be.

Anyway i wanna go back to Indonesia. since i dont have anything to do in here. i hope i could get a job but i am not sure about that. just see how it goes, my result on 10th february.
i have to apply for the UTS very soon. i wish everything will go smoothly this year,
I miss Insearch so much.....

Worry?

my perception about life has changed dramatically.
after all, i am not so wasted when i was in Indo
i could see that my parents are getting old.. very old..sometimes i feel sorry for them..
i realized that my parents love me so much, even though sometimes they are really nagging

These day, i could see a lot of relatives of mine facing a lot of problem.
due to the unbalanced economic of our country,
it`s very hard to start a new business, and if you work you`ll get only 200 aussie dollar a month'
that`s not enough!

One of my best friend that i have known since i was 5 years old is currently unemployed, he was graduated from Perth Curtin. He told me that he has to start a mobile phone shop by himself because he couldnt get a decent job in Jakarta.
I heard that the competition of hunting job is real damn hard
i was psyched!..

I can see why eveyone gathered into the Capital city of Indo (Jakarta) to bet for a better life
and i heard that most of the stuffs including food and shit is more expensive than in other city.
it confuse me what to do for my better life.
i wish i could look at my future before i make a beneficial decision!
Life is great in Sydney, but the distances between my parents, my girl friend and my mate makes me think a lot.

i need more friends to optimize my ability and give me an inspiration!
cause i really care about friendship.
But one thing that i know for sure..
Never involved money into the friendship
Money can harm anyone, everyone even your own brother..
Money can be a dangerous thing!

The problem with me is that i am easily adapted with a new friends.
even if i know he bitch for 1 day, we can talk and having a conversation like we have known each other for about years!.
thats what i hate of my attitude!.
I need to be someone who doesnt care about anything.
i care too much about others!. that sometimes i feel so weak like pussy

i still dont have a clue what`s best for myself.
after i graduate from Insearch, i`ll start a new journey to be a better Zico
I mean a new me!

The Year of fire

I am back, and feel giulty with my group mate for not being able to come earlier to help them.
I have so many things to tell. but to put it in words? hmm.. let me try the bold and simple way.
The reason i have to skip my first week of school because of the circumstances i faced with my parents.

I went back on 15th of December 2005,

The 1st Day,
My feeling was aight till the night something happend to me, i was driving with my brother and my girl friend at 11 p.m (it was on my way home). When i was trying to pass the other side of road ( U-Turn ) there was a hole, and to be quite frankly i am not quite familiar with my hometown road, i need my friend as my navigator at my side to guide how to go from one place to another. my car was busted in a Very deep hole, and you guys know what? it was raining. Good God!...

But we were survived because of the help of the people over there, but the impact of that, i was banned from driving...my parents wouldnt allowed me to drive anymore.. because of the engine of my car was burnt, it was 2005 ford everest car.. and they were so pissed to me. Well it was an accident. and my girl friend have to pay the price as well, my parents are not letting me go out with her anymore, since she`s living a bit far from my house!.

So the next day i have to depend on my friend to pick me up!.
things are getting better when Shoichiro my Japanese friend that i have known since i was in Sydney came to my hometown just to see me and my brother. It was only four days before he went back to Nagoya. but we had fun a lot!.

in the week 2, things are getting really hard. My parents didnt give me enough money to go out, i was banned from driving and sometimes when i was going out with my friends i have to depend on my girl friend to help me financially, It was so pathetic. I am so embarresed! but i have to understand since my father is unemployed for almost 6 months.

Well, I got to be honest about this. My father jobs is dirty, easy money, easy go. Yeah..Casino, gambling!. since the SBY appointed as the President of Indonesia. gambling was banned!. and my father had to look after his second job, Travel agency. now we have to depend on that.

i was supposed to be back in Sydney after the week 2, but my parents decided to take all of us to hide in our house in the up hill. it was 2 hours far from the city. it was called Green Hill, 6 month earlier it was the biggest casino ever made in Indonesia i think. i can say that Green Hill=Las Vegas. so we stayed there for about a week and i have to be away from my girlfriend which is absolutely sucks.

6 month ago when i went to Green Hill, it was so crowded. but when i went there again with my family. it was so empty, dry and so fuckin dull!. i hate the government policy that has to close the Casino. (there were a lot of hot chix before). things are so dangerous over there, every midnight there will be a patroly of the police to check each Ville one by one to bust someone ass that caught was on the middle of gambling. if you were caught you have to pay 10.000 Aussie dollar or even more. depend on how the gambling went on!.

So i can say that my holiday is a little bit of dull, i have to be in the uphill where there is no one anymore. and i have to be with the old man all the time ( my dad`s mate). All the time i spend my time is just to eat and eat...So dont be surpise when you guys notice me that i am getting fatter and shitter!.

One day, me, my bro and my girlfriend went to fortune teller because of the desperation. surprisingly i never believe in such thing.. but the lady that tell our future says everything quite right. one of the thing she said is that, i`ll be getting married when i am 25. hehe..we`ll see about that aight!. now i am 22..

right now i am happy that i am in Sydney, i can start doing my final semester and proudly graduated and make my parents happy. there were too much complaining from my parents. it gave my head ache and my morale was kicked so hard.. i know that they are hoping that one day i can be a succesfull man.. and i always believe that i will do my best!.
But first I got to help Dong hee and others group mate to accomplish our goal!.
I`ll tell more to you guys in person!.

now i just want to close my eye, and think of a good things!.
i got to believe!. believing is all i need!