Worry?

my perception about life has changed dramatically.
after all, i am not so wasted when i was in Indo
i could see that my parents are getting old.. very old..sometimes i feel sorry for them..
i realized that my parents love me so much, even though sometimes they are really nagging

These day, i could see a lot of relatives of mine facing a lot of problem.
due to the unbalanced economic of our country,
it`s very hard to start a new business, and if you work you`ll get only 200 aussie dollar a month'
that`s not enough!

One of my best friend that i have known since i was 5 years old is currently unemployed, he was graduated from Perth Curtin. He told me that he has to start a mobile phone shop by himself because he couldnt get a decent job in Jakarta.
I heard that the competition of hunting job is real damn hard
i was psyched!..

I can see why eveyone gathered into the Capital city of Indo (Jakarta) to bet for a better life
and i heard that most of the stuffs including food and shit is more expensive than in other city.
it confuse me what to do for my better life.
i wish i could look at my future before i make a beneficial decision!
Life is great in Sydney, but the distances between my parents, my girl friend and my mate makes me think a lot.

i need more friends to optimize my ability and give me an inspiration!
cause i really care about friendship.
But one thing that i know for sure..
Never involved money into the friendship
Money can harm anyone, everyone even your own brother..
Money can be a dangerous thing!

The problem with me is that i am easily adapted with a new friends.
even if i know he bitch for 1 day, we can talk and having a conversation like we have known each other for about years!.
thats what i hate of my attitude!.
I need to be someone who doesnt care about anything.
i care too much about others!. that sometimes i feel so weak like pussy

i still dont have a clue what`s best for myself.
after i graduate from Insearch, i`ll start a new journey to be a better Zico
I mean a new me!

The Year of fire

I am back, and feel giulty with my group mate for not being able to come earlier to help them.
I have so many things to tell. but to put it in words? hmm.. let me try the bold and simple way.
The reason i have to skip my first week of school because of the circumstances i faced with my parents.

I went back on 15th of December 2005,

The 1st Day,
My feeling was aight till the night something happend to me, i was driving with my brother and my girl friend at 11 p.m (it was on my way home). When i was trying to pass the other side of road ( U-Turn ) there was a hole, and to be quite frankly i am not quite familiar with my hometown road, i need my friend as my navigator at my side to guide how to go from one place to another. my car was busted in a Very deep hole, and you guys know what? it was raining. Good God!...

But we were survived because of the help of the people over there, but the impact of that, i was banned from driving...my parents wouldnt allowed me to drive anymore.. because of the engine of my car was burnt, it was 2005 ford everest car.. and they were so pissed to me. Well it was an accident. and my girl friend have to pay the price as well, my parents are not letting me go out with her anymore, since she`s living a bit far from my house!.

So the next day i have to depend on my friend to pick me up!.
things are getting better when Shoichiro my Japanese friend that i have known since i was in Sydney came to my hometown just to see me and my brother. It was only four days before he went back to Nagoya. but we had fun a lot!.

in the week 2, things are getting really hard. My parents didnt give me enough money to go out, i was banned from driving and sometimes when i was going out with my friends i have to depend on my girl friend to help me financially, It was so pathetic. I am so embarresed! but i have to understand since my father is unemployed for almost 6 months.

Well, I got to be honest about this. My father jobs is dirty, easy money, easy go. Yeah..Casino, gambling!. since the SBY appointed as the President of Indonesia. gambling was banned!. and my father had to look after his second job, Travel agency. now we have to depend on that.

i was supposed to be back in Sydney after the week 2, but my parents decided to take all of us to hide in our house in the up hill. it was 2 hours far from the city. it was called Green Hill, 6 month earlier it was the biggest casino ever made in Indonesia i think. i can say that Green Hill=Las Vegas. so we stayed there for about a week and i have to be away from my girlfriend which is absolutely sucks.

6 month ago when i went to Green Hill, it was so crowded. but when i went there again with my family. it was so empty, dry and so fuckin dull!. i hate the government policy that has to close the Casino. (there were a lot of hot chix before). things are so dangerous over there, every midnight there will be a patroly of the police to check each Ville one by one to bust someone ass that caught was on the middle of gambling. if you were caught you have to pay 10.000 Aussie dollar or even more. depend on how the gambling went on!.

So i can say that my holiday is a little bit of dull, i have to be in the uphill where there is no one anymore. and i have to be with the old man all the time ( my dad`s mate). All the time i spend my time is just to eat and eat...So dont be surpise when you guys notice me that i am getting fatter and shitter!.

One day, me, my bro and my girlfriend went to fortune teller because of the desperation. surprisingly i never believe in such thing.. but the lady that tell our future says everything quite right. one of the thing she said is that, i`ll be getting married when i am 25. hehe..we`ll see about that aight!. now i am 22..

right now i am happy that i am in Sydney, i can start doing my final semester and proudly graduated and make my parents happy. there were too much complaining from my parents. it gave my head ache and my morale was kicked so hard.. i know that they are hoping that one day i can be a succesfull man.. and i always believe that i will do my best!.
But first I got to help Dong hee and others group mate to accomplish our goal!.
I`ll tell more to you guys in person!.

now i just want to close my eye, and think of a good things!.
i got to believe!. believing is all i need!