Another Sweet November (Probably The best November)

I know that i have been vacuum for quite some time to write a blog.
its not that i am too lazy to write anything, it just that my life has been the same most of the time. I am still looking for $$ in order to get away from here.

Cause the truth is that i aint havin no frens that i enjoyed to be with.
You can say that i am stucked or i am conservative. but if you're in my shoe, you will know what i mean!
I'm just tryin to survive n stop complaining about my society that i am not involved with.

Okay, This month is probably the greatest month ever came to my life.
I have a visitor from Army, She was a good friend of mine in Sydney.
She came with her baby as well..which i adored so much.
How cute and innocent could baby be!

Okay, so to my future child...this has been an eye opening for me.
I am just hopin that my future child will be lovable as much as army's has.
and just wondering if i could ever fall for someone again. (wife)
or am i just gettin merid because i am desperate for my legacy to be continued.

Well i guess it doesnt matter at this moment right?
Anyhow, Armee came for 2 days in Medan, and we had fun a lot, we talked, we party, we eat, we watch a basketball together.
i am happy just because she was there...One equals=100 medanese.
cause i feel comfortable with her, and she's the bestest and i get to know more about life and definetly about her more.

I wish and hope that our friendship will remain till the day we are old and unable to walk haha.
she's a good girl with a great intention for others who in needs.
she's no selfish, and for sure i hate to see her being used by others (R) bastard.
To Raven, he is the cutie baby boy that will be the next hefner or flynt i reckon hahaha

I am grateful and i feel blessed!
Thank Lord

Circle of Hatred

The Atmosphere of my life in 2007 has been Great, I went to Jakarta n Bali last couple of weeks for about 20 days or so..
My mates, Everything has been a real journey in my life, i could say that this year of 2007 could be the best time of my life! Why?

I know who meant to be friends and who doesnt really is my friend.
As result, I am more contend to do what best for my life even though lots of people hates my guts!. The funny thing is that, all of the haters are all from the City of Medan, A City that gave me a birth and raised me as a human being and yet i am different from them a lot.
I am not trying say that i am always truly right, but hey. I am laying low, and doesnt really care about other business, I am just a guy that having fun a lot. with no worries at all.

Friends has become a Hi-Bye friends kinda type of relations with me.
Which i dont really give a damn, yet cause they do sux with so much bull shit and hypocrites around my life.
Life is all about faking for them, But since i am guy that believe in what i am doing.
Well, keep ur advise, cause i wont be someone else rather than me. Cause i love myself to much to got affected by those cheap comment, advise, accuse or whatever u wanna call it!

Yeah i aint give a damn, cause what i do is not gonna give them a disadvantage yet people are always try to make me look bad/ try to find my mistakes which is impossible cause i aint give a rat ass to those hypocrites since i am Truly The eccentric guy on Earth!

So adios guy, Dont force ur luck to have my perception about you guys to get changed!
Its locked and load! Too bad that i am bragging and feel down!

Cause i have found my Real Friend on the other place.
Yes i am lonely, bored and shit. but i still can manage how to survive without those scums.
I will always telling the truth with facts whether u like it or not! am always fine without scum bags.

To be concluded, i am better from you guys thats that.
period, simple and tacky.

I am a minorities that i will say out loud with pride and dignity. at least its the only thing i can still be proud of my self!

Oh yea and dont forget i am still beautiful. as always i am always over confident.

At the end, i will laugh from the other side with joy and great smile. just like this =D

Something that never exist nor real?

Anyhow, i wish that Bebe will find her way to the great happiness, cause i wont be bothering her anymore. since her fuckin bf being such an Ass telling her not to hang out with me anymore.
What a dumb dickhead jealous childish-rot muthafucka..

I aint gv dick anyhow, i just felt that anything happens lately is not reasonable!
out of context for sure.
I have been holdin grudge to those muthafucka backstabber fren of mine.
I feel pity for them who thinks that i am goin to need them in ma life.
well u can suck my bottle and wish that hypocrites like u could have a wonderful life.
cause i aint give a shit to yall..

Well enough said, I dont need people that never appreciated their fuckin life and still complainin..
Why dont u just shove up ur ass with ur fingers then..cause i have had enough of your bullshit.!
yada2 yak yak..

Anyway, I am goin to start a new social life since my old mates are being pathetic and low life lately. though they are very rich and shit. but i have no respect at all!
so if u think that i might apologize to you..and beg u for being my friends again.
Well.. keep on dreaming!
cause i aint living in your fantasy land of yours that never existed ungrateful biatch!

Sweet Sacrifice

How yall, i just recovered from a pain on my neck, it happened 6 days ago when i woke up i felt pain, i couldnt even twist my head to the left nor right! i guess the cause of it was because i slept in a wrong position which result my neck became sour and painful!

Yea it sux, and there was been a myth about to get ur pillow and hit it and put it under the sun! what the hell was that idea came from! since then, i had an intense massage for a coupele of days.

Well thank lord cause now i fully recovered and can be normal as usual!

wuih, anyhow life been just the same, Evidently my ex Bebe got a new potential bf soon. It seems that i dont really gv a head or mind.. but as the matter of fact i still care a lot bout her. and there is little inside of me will always gonna love her forever i hope.

I just wish her the best anyhow, i dont wanna have that thought about my past cause its painful. i just want to live mine to the fullest..and so be it!
As a matter of fact, i was a little sad..but i wont say nothing to her..
she will know whats best for her.. cause i really learnt a lot..

it may as seem as i am different guy...but i am indeed different..i changed a lot because of the experience i have been through.
so i am sacrifice for ma self. I am gettin used of the loneliness and everything..actually i became cold because of my experienced i had..
I just wanna see how the future gonna gets me..

i'll be waitin till then..and be smilling for the joy..
lock and load..!

And i'm telling you i'm not goin to....

Today i talked with her...suddenly she said something about not being 'friends' anymore?isnt it weird..coz she did agree being my frens before!
sometimes i couldnt understand whats wrong with her mind, cause she kept changing like a wind suddenly

Well she said that she was thinking bout my mates..

I dont what was her purpose on tellin me this! coz i aint jealous or something!or maybe she just like to compare me with others!coz she said i dont even the confidence like others had!

As the matter of fact, I never fall for that kind of shit.coz since she likes to tell me a fairy tale about her ex'sand etc2....it made me like a dork actually...So she wanted me to be like others instead of being myself ey?anyhow, i was tryin to change a lot for her which doin no good to me!

aint u suppose to complain since we are only a friends?
I am havin a hard time to follow up with ur inconsistent mind!
Everything went funny in the end! I do agree that i have known her for a short period of time.
But i am truly care about her till today! ask me why? i have no answer for yall

i will respect her decision and so be it then..likewise i will do nothing to force her.maybe we were wrong to know each other!, it was wrong to give it a try everything was a set up!but i learn my lesson!

remember 1 thing mate, 1 mistake will ruin everything, trust me! but if u do a thousand good thing, it will be forgetable! dont mess up on this one...

so if u ask me now, what i really want?
i dont want nothing! i just want to follow anything what fits in ur mind
if u dont wanna be mates, thats fine with me..i can live with it matei wont hate u, coz i know u are a decent person!

just stop comparing me, coz it had me a lot of thinkin...the prob its not all in me if there is no cause! the cause of it is because u kept mentioned it! the effect of it... i was influenced by it! is that reasonable at all ey?

well i take all the karma then..i have made such a big error and made a big one bad image of ma self.

How could she....

Again..i failed as a man, Its happening..
Its the end between babe and me..
I jut wanna take this moment..to say..that i am really angry with myself..
There is nothing i can do to change the situation..

Though at times u said that u rili care about me.. but from the act u have shown recently...i am in doubt..
Well babe, i was trying to understand you but you dont even give a rat ass..when i was worried because of ur mood swing behavior suddenly..

Why does good thing has to end!
You are really everything that i wanted to be with..
To be honest, i became mellow because i really like you...i want you to believe that there is still good man left in this earth..
I wanna take care of you..

But since that u ignored me...i will try my best to live bymyself..to find my way..
At times when i pursue u again..then you will know that i am already become the man that you always wanted..
i dont know how long is it gonna takes..but i wish that before 2011 i will stand up like a Man...

I do hope that you will wait for the time comes...i will be there..just wait..
maybe i am trying to hard to myself....
i shoulda be more relax...
anyway thx for everything really..

sori that i couldnt be cool enough to face the circumstances that given
i feel shit when you acted weirdly..however, i can accept for who you are...and i never care for everything...

For me, you are important..

this is the first time i am having this kind of situation..
i feel shit..

you said that it wont be a problem if i am mellow kind of guy..and u said its good to be yourself..
but how could you be affected then?
why why why...

Am i wrong to be honest with ya
well you tell me then...
i would never lie to you..

Massacre

Aishh...Lately been very dull...
Thinkin a lot about babe....
Nothing i could say..that i am so into her..
she is different...mysterious type kind of girl..
thats what i like about her...

hard to get....
self respect..and vain..hahaha

Yesterday something happend between us..
i became mellow suddenly when she said about the word "friend"
it pisses me off cause i was thinking back about my past relationships..and it affected my behavior real sux..

So she said that US would be hard to be into a relationships because i would get hurt eventually in da future..
but it was just that i was influenced by the situation...

I am just hoping that she wouldnt judge my behavior based on that only
cause i am really like her and worried....she told me to be relax...thats what iam gonna do...i trust her...

But it happend for a reason..that i could see the quality inside her..
I am so shocked,sad and happy at the same moment..we talked till 5.30..Till my mum got angry coz i didnt sleep..
How could i?

She told me to think about...what would if u if u are living in da mountain with one girl...no one elses...would u fall for her?
well i think abouut it real hard in da living room below...while i am smoking..
I think the possibility about who and whom..
and my final conclusion is that..i wouldnt fall for someone that i dont like at the first place...cause thats just not me..
attraction is the important part for me...Not kindess no whatsoever

So babe..i hope u are trust me...cause whenever u ask me this question i will give you the same answer..
I really do believe that we have something to treasure...
This isnt the end of us..

Though u said that u will give me the answer in a month..and the favour is not in my side...because of the lackness of my attitude yesterday..
I still believe...for everything u said..

Babe,,,

She went back at around 4 yesterday, we talked on da phone...to clarify everything
babe wanted to end it up...cause she said that she doesnt want to hurt me..
to be honest she is very complicated and her mood changing so quickly like a wind..

at a moment...i had a thought about my past...cause it has the similarity condition..
i am so afraid that she is not for real..
but i tried my best to believe her..and hopefully that cause of this we could understand each other more..

i hope that she would come to Medan this month..so i can show her that i really want to be with her..
the problem is that, i am not sure about her feelings for me..
i dont even know why i have to like her so much..yet...i am afraid that she might want to have a revenge towards me..cause of dre

babe...all i wanted is just that u open ur heart to me...and just a little care from u
i wont be controling ur life cause its not me
all i want is just that we trust each other..
i have a faith in you

And if someday i made u angry...i want u to know..that i am really gonna try to be the best person for you..
you dont even give a choice..i am stucked in between..i dont really know how to act and how to be...
being myself is so wrong...being others...is even worse,...

and 1 thing..i aint perfect...
but i am willing to try to be a better person..

hopefully things gonna be okay in da future...
i dont wanna be stupid anymore..

if we arent mean to be together...i will let you go..
so you know..i already did my best....for you...babe..

Orchestra?

I just got back in Medan from Jakarta, It wasnt like i expected before..so many stuffs happend right there...
It wasnt that fun like it was supposed to be..

I have been attracted to kath recently, we got to know each other like a month...Then we met in Jakarta..everything went fine..
I am happy when i was around her..

But i am not sure about the relationship that we are going to have since the distance between us is not supporting us.
Then, something just came up...

I am so pissed and i dont even know whether i could trust her or not!
since that she already said that she aint going to the club and alcohol for a while!
but today, she sent me a text said that she is going to!
Well as the matter of fact, i am not pissed about she wanted to go to the club.
but she broke the promise that she has made!
i am dissappointed...i really do! cause once a liar is forever a liar!

the other things is that i do really care about her! she just recovered from her illness...
But i have no choice, cause she aint listening to me..
now, i am really doubt whether she is for real or not!
does she really care about me? from the act she did...she aint give a rat shit..
She said that as well in da phone..so i have to becareful from now on
cause if u act like this...i aint gonna trust u no more

Every words that comes out from your mouth...its all bull shit
Why do u have to be fake!
So if u read this one day babe...so you know that there is no point acting cool and ignorant! cause that aint true to yourself

i aint gonna act like there is nothing happening..cause it affects my perception about us..
so you know..that faking is not my cup of tea
okay i dont wanna say nothing no more...at the moment..u aint gonna care..cause u are having fun over there..

Whatever i said will do nothing good..
so then....and once again...
i will be waiting for what is gonna happend in da future.