Twi-Light

so everyone is watching the movie Twilight and falling in love with the story line. Even The vampire could fall in love with human being and willing to sacrifice everything for the love of his life.

Well what can i say beside, its a girly movie. I am not trying to be a judge or degrading to some of girls who love this movie. Heard the second part will come out as it is in production.

So what i have been doing during November and December, i went to Another town to find some extra money. business has been bad since Global Crisis occurred in every country. Its not an excuses tho.. I am still pissed by the fact that everyone has gone nuts just because of money...even in family there is a contra when it includes money..well let say its blood money. every single guy is trying to take care of himself only.. i am sad by the fact that no one cares about value of life instead of money. there are still a lot of things is more important than money. that is for sure.

I am still trying to stand still and make ahead even the condition is not supporting at moment. but i believe with hearts n patient. i'll meet my expectation.

Saint Joseph

My title mean something to me, it was my first grade till sixth grade where i met my best fren and till today i am still stucked with him. Actually it was since from kindergarten as consequences that my friendship with him is very solid. I can truly say that he is the only guy that i trust totally. even i am always warned by many others that not to trust people 100%.

Saint Joseph brought a lot of memories for me, it was the year without worries for not having a money, gf, job etc2.. I was just playing all the time with mates. When the study hour was finished i was out there playing for 1-2 hours before i was grab by my driver to send me home.

It was a joyful memory n it was already 20 years or so behind me. As time goes by, worries, doubt, hesitance about decision making and about life makes me nauseous. I have so many responsibility and goal to accomplish. and from where i stand right now, i aint proud at all. I have not achieve anything that makes my parent proud.

I learn a lot about life and yet i still think that i am not matured enough yet to make something happend. i need to be more confident and have some faith. Cause i believe that everyone has their own purposes in life. I know that i wont do harm to others, by that i can always believe that my Saint will always bless and protect me for whatever i do as long as it is for a good harm.

I am not saying by hardwork u aint do good in life.it just that 80% of my life till today is because simply based on luck. i feel lucky most of da time. even i am always disappointed about love. I hope this time that the cursed will be broken. cause finally and cross my finger...she is the one.

I do have a plan about settling down, and i hope by the year 2009 i will make a significant progress...cause i have been wasting all my life to be honest..and i am ashamed of admitting it. 2 years is the time that it had been wasted.

Isnt life sometimes Ironic? when u less expecting something, it came to u.. when u try so hard to get it.. it will always never be in ur reach.. now, opportunity has come. all i got to do is focus. and believe that i will survive and do good in life. cause i will never forgive myself to let those who loves me sincerely, for who i am.

I am still learning though about character, life, perception, love... i wont be the perfect guy.. but i believe that i will be the guy that will be loved totally by the one that by that steals my heart.

i wish for the best for everyone. and remember.... if u do no harm to others. God will always protect you., God will never make u suffer. there is no such thing as try out. God will never n ever control humans life like a game.

It is Karma that matters in this world..

I truly believe in it and i am scared of it.

I've been hurting people before...and i am truly sorry for that.

Remembering Me

I knew it!

Things have been going very smoothly, and hopes it has a continuance. i have been enjoying every minutes, seconds. as a result, i have lost some of my good mates due to jealousy. But this is the choice and what i have been wanting. which is to focusing on one thing instead of many things.

Cause i still believe in 100% job instead of 10 jobs but divided with 10% effort and focus. As a matter of fact, i am drawing a path for what i am going to do for 2009 because as time passes by and as i become older. no more youth thoughtful at this moment.

As projected, i was going out a lot lately. cause i am progressing something which i dont want to say still at moment!. cause when it's not 100% accomplished and happend. i will seal my mouth. cause it sux to be always wrong. my previous prediction always got wrong. I was not sure was it because of my lack of judgement or because simply i was too dumb to admit that i was wrong, blind or was into the current situation.

I din say that i am not confident that causes me to be silent. It just that i wanna be out of the previous jinxes that had haunted me for years n years. Meanwhile, i have lotsa of things to do in progress before that my dream came true. i gotta be more firm n solid to myself. i have to be more mean! Assasination of Richard Nixon taught hell of a lesson. to those who wanna be succed in everything. well, watch the movie and do the opposite of what Sean Penn Character was conducting.

I need all the luck in the world, may the Angel will come and rescue and help me get through all these phases that was made for me.

One heart, Never wrong.

Everything is 50-50, there is never such thing as a guarantee deal. Trust me, i am still learning about life, about to be a better man etc. I do promise that i will always try to be more mature, rational, logical, sincere and love to those who loved me back in return.

Sometimes it hurts and pisses the hell out of you when someone was just using u for their own benefits. i have had enough of that kind of life. i am no longer trusty than i was before. although i have learn that sometimes when u play dumb along to those who seems to know everything is quite a good tactic in a normal socialization.We are living in a hypocrites world. so i guess it figures why did i have to do that.

Mellow mode on......

It might ? or mighty?

After i got punk'd by one of my mates from gambling business, I went to vacation to get away from jack ass's. Macao was great, although at the end i was quite dissappointed by the fact that my dad lost because of my mom's delay to shopping. As a result, i am qute down by it to be frank.

After i got home, i went to Jkt and Bali, it was fun and yet i am satisfied. Coz i had found some future ahead that might bring a continuance for me to make a living. Bali was okay, with fan2 things was a little bit rough. cause once u went abroad with girls u gotta be patience. but it was okay and i survived.

So what news? i am focusing to make a living cause in 2-3 years i wanna settle down. hopefully i will know who is the one. this time i wont say which one is my chix. It'll be surprise.

Cause i have faith n confident...

Raison D'etre

It means a reason for being, Well i am having a thought what purpose do i have in this life.

Everyone has a reason for living, loving, dying and etc. I am still trying to treasure mine.

As time gets ticking, i am quite concern about what i have achieve in this life. cause compare with what i have imagine is not even that damn close. A reason that i should not put it or blame it to others if i fail in the future. but as always i am overly confident.

Is it wrong that i am still not get any things to do in my life to make a living because i dont like what i have been offered?

i was given opportunity that i am not comfortable with, is that wrong to not doing it instead of doing something else that no one will approve with? yes i am talking about gambling industry. i have been living and knowing all the games and the system since i was in elementary school. but as i grown and witnessed lots of gamblers went bankrupt i started to think about something that does have a longer and safe insurance into making a living.

I always wanted to be part of gaming industry so my dream job would be in Casino. Yes, i work for them. just imagine about wearing a suit, just like the movie in Casino by Robert Deniro. He was a pitt boss, supervisor and at the end became the highest authority in Casino. I wanted that life, who doesnt?

But i realized that my dream i starting to fade away a lil bit, cause of financial situation. i have to do something else that legal to support my life at moment. I hope that i have that passion with. I hope that i dont make others suffer because of me. I want people to recognize my talent at the end of my time. I am going to accomplish my thing with dignity.

This is my raison d'etre.

Macao In Action

So here i am for the second time since the Old n New, i am enjoying the lifestyle in here. i can get use to it.

As a result, A friend of mine told that he didnt want to pay me back.. well at least i knew which one is the real mate and which one is not.

My whole life had always been being punk'd, those bastard owe me some money but then doesnt want to pay me back

All i can say is that, karma is exist, and payback is a bitch.

just wait and see..

look what got to me, i am enjoying every second of my life

i am going to stay overnight in Singapore.

Gonna meet Army if possible..

Oh man i miss her, cause i know for sure that she is a real mate.

I am goin to get a way to get away from my hometown

i wish

My Buddha has always protected me.

I am totally devoted to what i believe.

Ungrate

Euro 2008 has passed, i have been facing some unfortunate situation

As most of my folks know that i have been living and breathing from betting online.

Under circumstances, i had a friend whom at first i trust. I tend to trust people who stick around me or hang out around me. but yet, i have always been a victim of those who owe money to me and didnt want to pay me in da future whether they already got the money or not

They were not a real intention to pay me back which i think that money issue is really something that probably everyone has to look afters. since people are selfish and ungrateful.

I have always been a good buddhism, i never borrow money from others and i have always got a good intention for other people if they are sincere to me. hypocrites are all of the human being that always been floating around my social life. I can always think of a karma, and hopefully i will have something great in da future, i believe the more you give, the more you will get something good in return.

i promise myself by this experience that had already happend to me, that i will never ever trust people no more.

everyone is unfaithful to each other to think about their own beneficial.

how ironic life is, i hope that i can stay away from those people. I dont need those bunch of kiss ass liars.

I had some good mates from other countries compared with mine right now in hometown which i am really disappointed since i have been longer mates wit the hometown instead when i was study abroad.

I have been telling lies as well to those hypocrites in order to get whats mine back.

I cant think of no better idea option.

I got to lie these day hmm...which is not really myself.

But it is what it is in life.

i am just a common guy..but i am no harm to everyone.

I care about being sincere.

Isn't Bizzare?

I am in da state of confusion at moment.

I think i met my soul mate.

Her name is Stephanie Sarah Karta, I called her Fan2, I met her through friends in Jakarta. At first, she was with her bf i thought, but at the end i found out that it was just a friends of hers.

I have an attraction towards her, cause i think she's very friendly and tall at first impression.

At time goes by, we had a little chat through msn and i feel we have a lotsa of similarity and same hobbies which is very rare to find.

Cause i think that i am quite an eccentric and different from others.

what others adore or like i might loath.

This is who i am, not for being different or controversy.

I met her the second time when it was my visitation to Bali,

She managed to meet me when she told me that the next day she is about to go to Singapore to visit her grandfather.

Well at first we didnt talk much cause there was my mates and her mates. but one thing that i remember is that i bought a necklace from her to give my my friends as a souvenir.

We met only once.

As time goes by, the conversation continue from msn.

I promised her that i will come to Jakarta if it is her birthday, it happens in April 5th.

I went to Jakarta after i came back from Bangkok.

I didnt go to her birthday, cause i didnt know how to go to her birthday party. but one thing that i am glad of is that i didnt make it.

Cause i didnt know her friends, and later i found out that the guy came to her birthday party.

I truly believe that everything happen for a reason.

And i am gladly and truly Thank to Buddha for giving me sign.

Cause i wasnt prepared how to act or react.

But the next day, I got up early and i went to find the location for my training job for monday in Garuda Center. (Airline). After i found and memorized how to get there, I asked my aunt to teach me how to go to her place.

Well, we already made a schedule for our date later on at night. but i wanted to surprise her i guess. so i bummed myself to her office. which i promised to do so. cause i didnt go to her grand opening.

So i met her and we had a quite delightful dinner, the thing that i like about her is that, she's unique, hard working, different, Cool, unpredictable yet very charming.

How many girls know that a movie such as Shawshank and Finding Forester is a good movie? I bet only 3% in my hometown knew about that movie.

We had same education background which is cool, and the other thing that surprises me is that she knew how to play a piano!

Once i said when i was in high school, whoever can play me S.E.N.S songs i would marry her and yet i found the girl in Jakarta.

things happend bizzarely.

I dont think that she's attracted to me, cause we have a different religion and the main problem i think is Long Distance situation.

I am really guessing right now. but one thing i do know is that she's the girl i wanted to be.

One thing that bothers me a little i guess is that, When it was saturday, the day that i expect that she would date me. but yet instead she cancelled her date with me just to be with Dobi.

At first i thought Dobi was a girl, so i played it cool and i said well its okay i understand. just do whatever you want.

But later on Devi was telling me that Fan2 was been hanging out with Dobi.

Well i felt a lil bit unease, that i know that i must have like this girl so bad otherwise i wont feel a thing.

But the fact i felt moron is the answer about how i feel towards her.

The thing is that i have no reason to be angry whatsoever cause she told me the truth.

she aint lying or making an excuses.

Therefore, i like her more.

Now, All i can do is to wait for the right moment to tell her that i have been silently adore her.

I hope that this is my one. my destiny, my future, and my sign of everything that i am hoping for a long time.

Every Man Has their Own Task in Life

If i ask myself about this to myself? What should i offer to the world?What am i going to do to accomplish my goal?

Basically i would make my parents proud for what i have done in life.I would do whatever it takes for human being to understand that everyone is equal, gender, status, race and etc.

Because i believe that everyone has own rights to be equally treated.The other thing that i wanna do is to make myself a better person since i am a religious. And i have given myself to my God, Buddha.

I wanna be devoted only to God, and scared to God.Everyone should understand that if you trust urself and given 100% to God u will get a a good karma in your life. maybe it wont happend in this life, but in the next life you'll have get a great happiness happening around you.

I wanna thank to Bangkok, Thailand for giving me such an inspiration about Buddha, And i truly believe that if you do good things in your life. you'll get something good in return.

I aint hoping, but sincerely i am doing this because i want to.with all my heart i just wanted to say that i am grateful for where i am standing right now.

Solaris

I'm living like there is no tomorrow.
Which is i am hopefully to do till i achieve something in my life.
I have lotsa thought that i wanna write.

but seems that sumtimes the inspiration is elsewhere..

Today i guess one of my mate told me that my ex anniversarry with her new boyfren.
and they spend the night in some fancy restaurant i reckon.
How i feel? well i dont really pissed or anything.
i feel grateful cause at least i know that she's happy with her current relationship.

The other thing that bothers me is that my mum said that i need a God-Father. or my fortune will be ruined.
I mean come on....that sounds 60's.
i hate the fact that we chinesse ought to trust that kind of stuffs too seriously.
like your future will be damned just because of some prophercy made by those.
I aint against it or nothing. it just dont too much.
i have had enough of it sometimes.
but what else could you do.

I am trying these day to find a job. i have this kind of option in my mind.
I always wanna be part of charity thing. Red Cross or whatever that helps people.
Although that it wont make lotsa of money, but i am willing to do it.
Remember, The more you give others the more you will get in return.
It just that i have to trust with my interest and for which i love with.

I love media thing as well, but i am not really sure what kind of position will be suitable for me.
so hopefully that i will get an opportunity for me to be a better person or at least it will lead me to what i called achievement

Btw i was told that i am eccentric?
am i?
cause i will take that as a compliment.
none hard feeling taken.

2008 has to be my another great year.
i wonder will i be attached this year? or should i wait for another year?
patience will lead me to the best girl.
and i am saving the best for the last

People are no different than others

I had this thought about how people play their role in society.
Using and being used.
I just couldnt figure out anymore which one is sincere and which is not.
i have always stay true to my point of view about things.
Suddenly i just dont have a clue how to face under circumstances.
cause people are just the same. i couldnt tell no more which one should i focus on.

I had a good friends but yet they changed, and suddenly there is a boundaries in between.
i shoulda appreciate more when we were good friends.
i now regret things, as i develop to grown.
i admit that i had wasted some of a sincere friends.

I need to start a new life, and start to appreciate more for the things come to me.
the people that had entered my life.

I wanna say that i am so sorry to those who i abandoned
Sho, Rica, My ex-es (perhaps) and many2 mates in Sydney

I just feel horrible that instead of telling them how i feel i just ignored the facts that how much they had impact in my life.

I hope that i am not too late to say that i am truly sorry.
Shitney has changed my life, I thank the city for that.

Another Brand new year

This year ahead, is shitty, i have been losing a lotsa of money grr
but yet i have news, i aint quitters so too bad..
i believe that everything will go into a good and to my favour, cause i am believer..
i am a guy with lotsa luck...luck is very important.
just like Rob and Amber said... they are so great to each other..

I would love to meet them in future...so i am hoping that 2008 will be a great year ahead..
so i wish that everything happend at moment is just temporarily fucked up moment for me...just to make me wanna go above more.

Thats all for now... yucky yucky

New Year - Fresh Journey?

I have been in Macau for New Year's Eve,

It's Awesome, Although that i am a lil bit pissed becoz that gambling causes my family to lose some money...arghhh

But It's really like Vegas for sure...

What do i expect in 08?

Money money money, girls always gonna become a second important things for me.

Without wealth u aint gonna be happy with any girls..

so i have to be objective to my goals.

I have seen a lot of gamblers, Rich guys etc..

Macau had left me a wonderful experience.

I learnt sumthing, people wont change from their past behavior.

I guess once a rapist will always will be.. its on the gene of human being.

No one will change from their orginality

I should watch my ass from my circle, since i had some friends that did back stabbed me few years ago.

SO i am hoping that i wont be in that dip shit no more.

Oh yea, i met fine ladies when i was in Macau/ HK

Its been wonderful mate.

It taught me / refresh my minds that i wont be desperate or random

Am hoping for the greatest .

I wish,