With Every Great Love Comes A Great Story

Assange Wikileaks

2012-01-22T04:11:00.001+11:00

When it comes to speak up ur mind whenever u think its right for what u believe in, i will always be in the pro side of justice and truth,

Julian Assange is the founder of wikileaks that leaks every politics and secrecy and hypocrisy in the world.

I wish authorized book will be revealed soon by him.

2011-2012 is goin to be the the step stone of my life, and i wish for greater good will be more surprising things for me.

Happy Chinese New Year for all of those who appreciate the culture of chinesse, for those who didn't well fuck you. u don't get the value of appreciative and the important things about family and relatives.

trust me i will be more mean towards people who doesn't give a head or hearts towards others.

anyways, i hope that i will have a good management towards myself, i wish to help others who in needs.

furthermore, i wanna put that this Lunar/Chinese new year is quite something since i have realized that i have lost contact to lots of mates back in the past. but what can i tell is that mates in my hometown are more trust worthy rather than in capital city though, i have come to realized that some of mates are just using and just wanna hang out with certain people who have a status and power which is coming down to Money!.

Well, its personal issue that i can't change, its became a personality for some of those people. but hey its fine as long as its nor harming people.

i once told in these blog about life, i have known some people who rather pray to other people rather to pray to GOD, cause by egging up to people and lick some boot at least u get a treat of meal. how pathetic was that thought.

i have to plan everything i could to make some fortune ahead this year.

Homicide Case

2011-11-27T14:21:00.001+11:00

There are Several things that i have been observing and evaluating.

and i came to conclusion that how fucked a world had become. and i just figured that my home country has so many lack of knowledge and intelligence compared to other country yet.

How so, just to be careful since that the root of devil by people is everywhere. no one can be trust. just for example. like a web thing like Amazon and Ebay are trustable and doesn't have a flaw since they already have everything to control and to protect buyers.

on the other hand, kaskus is a fucked up forum or website for a transaction. yet its the only way for people to buy and sell stuff. but i have read lots of people getting punk'd every now and then. stop stop using it when u don't have a fuckin clue who u r dealing with.

so what i am trying to say is that Indonesian people doesn't have what it takes to fuckin invented things like what they did in China, Us, Korea, Japan or elsewhere. even though we are populated by 250 millions lol. how ironic.

it's not that i am degrading my home country. since they have always been a racism to us a second citizens and we did better than the local than fuck u for taking what is right for us. Don't fuckin jewel us. ur no Nazi. my nationalism is lack because of what i have seen and i learnt, its different from hatred. so be sure to look at youse before running out ur mouth.

okay the other thing that is fucked up is the case of the murder case.

firstly, Perugia 2007, Amanda Knox was charged by killing Meredikth Know in their flat. She was found guilty and recently she just got out after appealing. i was like how can be American Citizens so stupid.

There are facts that they denied. because they want their people to get released. and say that she is innocent with hey bf as an accomplice at that time. The funny thing is that the Black guy dude was being sentenced 16 years. its has been a news for a long time but it just found it recently, excuse since i just got a cable TV. current issue is till my favorite thing.

my argument are,

1: when the police raid the apartment, Amanda Knows was frightened and from the look of her face, the bitch is foxy knoxy, acting innocent but indeed she klilled Meredith Knox because of jealousy and else.

2, when Amanda was interrogated by the police she gave a false guy to be blamed with, how could u do that even though u r exhausted and u got to give a Police something. but its not fuckin right to give a decent guy a hell. just because the text message prior before the incident, she agreed to me the guy from a bar that doesn't mean the guy is guilty.

3. the way she answered and she looks is deceiving. by time it will reveal that the bitch itself is a criminal. how could u posted a picture of you and your boyfriend taking a knife and doing some funny things. it meant that u guys are sicked. and from the text message that was covered by the police. Bitch has issue, she likes fuckin kinky wild intercourse.

4. I pity for the blackguy to be framed and to be in jail for 16 years although maybe he was involved as a hit man.

i believe those 3 guys was involved and by the look of Sillico the bf of Amanda. the dude is one fucked up Italian. sorry guys look can be deceiving but i can tell when people are purely or satanic. that is just how experienced i have become since i have been fucked lots.

secondly, The case of Itaewon 1996

South Korea has always been linked to United States when its on the military field. it was happened in 1996 when the American Born Korean was in duty back then. Robert J Pearson and A.J was suspected as the killer of the local guy in a Burger Joint, both was not found guilty due to lack of evidence. but i think that was not the case. United States is the superior country of the course they don't want to be exposed as a bad guy. therefore both of the guys being released. and both of them went back to U.S ever since.

Recently i just got the news that Robert J Pearson was going to be sentenced since the evidence found a Dna in the victim shirt. I was like after 14 years u just found it? with, now Robert has been in jail and will be extradite to South Korea to be held in justice.

I believe that law itself has a fuck up system as well

How could O.J Simpson being released and not guilty, there is no way public buys it. he is guilty as charged. he killed his wife plus the boyfriend. what i can say is that money is power..

Trust Issue

2011-11-03T14:16:00.002+11:00

Its very hard these day to trust other human being since the world itself has turn into hell.
It's a bitter world we living.
everyone is selfish to me, therefore i dont really care about others who i think is not good for any kindness.

i prefer have sympathy to animals rather than human.
It's been a good year to me. i hope everything goes well more over

Freak Show

2011-08-12T14:41:00.002+10:00

I never post anything more about my love life ever since.

The reason is that i wanna break the jinxes.

but here i am today writing these off to break the spell.

To Gel, The reason i am not staying in ur house because i wanna finish my blog and writing since i have a lot in mind to put in words.

things happened rapidly as a result i am expecting that u will understand the better of me as a person and ur future one.. if not than we r not meant to be together.

As for my beloved readers, so many things that is bizarre to be even expressed that i am trying to write these special edition with such title as above.

6th of August i finally realized that so many pathetic or creature that even not worth mentioning but i will tell the story to y'all figure out.

I met this so called fortuneteller aka angels of death i am suppose to say.

since he talked and boasted too much about himself that i can figure him out that easily,

firstable let me explain religion is Buddhism. and i only obey and belief Siddharta Gautama or The Enlightened one. Siddharta had been reincarnated several times before reach the enlightenment.

Meditation is the key to it.

okay now, because of the evolution/revolution so many perception had been made up by human being itself so there is other giddy god, that promises to make people live become better nor suffer.

So the one i met is like having a giddy god he called to follow his ass all da time. and by doing that he help human being to reach their expectation without asking for money etc.

he got upset when i din give a lot of attention since from start he mumbled a story about his since i myself don't really impressed to one of a kind show.

he made several mistakes that nobody in Gel's family realize that he is so con.

let me point out one by one before u guys judge me:.

1, he talk about others patient about their problems to us which is prohibited if according to the secrecy. so that means that this guy really likes to talk since he himself doesn't have any shit to do instead.

2. God never has an emotion toward others or even think about making harm n making people suffered. he himself said he will do for his own pleasure if he was pissed. which i think is a lame. kindness is buddha religion and for his statement below i think he is devilish one.

3. he being hypocrite for telling others to be patient and control gels brother anger..since himself can't control his..so what makes him different from us?

4. he is trying to put a The Master show in front of me trying to impress me like Limbad did in the reality show. which is kinda childish and pathetic. i wasn't buying those shit. and by the way oh i don't give a fuck

5. for u to called me being lucky to be born in a good family just because i was lucky is just a cheap statement from another jealousy person. for u calling me being a sadistic and mean person is 100% to u aye aye. i prove u shit. what matters is my family opinion about me.

why would i forgive person for just wanting to take advantage of me? there is always cause n effect. when i am not being able to used.. nor friend would call me justo to say hi..so does that make me making an asshole and being a selfish person?… it just me being a smart person for not giving anymore hope.

as a result, i am happy for me being me, rather to be sucked in by bad people.

oh if u are so good why don't u just focus on doing and helping gel's family then? does it make sense that ur giddy god doesn't want to help because of personal reason? din Buddha said that always forgive ur enemy. i figure that u have nothing to show so u made up some excuses.

oh n to be honest i never want to test you or try to make u angry. u r just being sensitive and putting an ultimatun to make me suffer with ur arrogance saying is just a lil too much isn't it?.

so what did i learn from this experience. people who talk to much usually is no good.,not real, and desperate to make some living.

6, when u say Saibaba is a genuine person that makes u even more hoax, cause discovery by BBC broadcast is never lie. the closest thing they investigate that no flaws is Palden Dorje in Nepal that meditate without eating and driking for 12 months.

lastly 7, by u showing ur anger is making me so sure that u r no genuine. cause i can figure ur ass out..by being figured i as a human will be angry as well by my competitor..how simple is that,

truth to be told, i am sick and tired for those people who kept seeing and finding a solution with these kind of person/method. why would u honor someone who drink, eat, feel the same in this earth. how desperate people are.

isn't it not enough to commit urself fully to Enlightened one? i hope Gel, someday if u r reading this u will know how simple as i want it to be. i just want us to have a simple minded with one goal is all.

i do hope a lot to u cause since i care to u alone instead of anything else. that u will understand me better each day. cause its breaking my heart to see a messy life in ur family which is really bothers me..

all i can promise is to take you alone to my family and to have a simple life without an interruption from others.

i do hope u won't seek such freak show anymore.

if ur family depended on them and truly trusted those giddy god..so let it be.

but if u want to be with me truly like i do now. i hope u will listen to what i am saying. not with a force. but with sincerity i wish u can truly see the real me instead of what he said.

one day u will be reading this too, and if u r not in the same page as me so u can let me know so i can move on.

i can't talk to u in the real time because of u r always being so negative and harsh. that is why i am putting these on words to let u know that it bothers me to see such kind of messy n fucked up situation. and u have been very bad to me by hitting me and showing some attitude which i hated the most.

so no rush, its okay if u r about to give up cause i can't force u to agree with me. but i do have my principle of life and no one can take it from me.

he may influenced one to 100 people. but he surely won't have my approval for being the enlightened one. he is just a commoner shit human being.

my life has nothing to do with it. and i don't want anything have to do with it. so mark my words, i will never have any interest for those kind of shit anymore. freak fuckin show.

Gel= can u do that with me as well? cause before we marry as one…i need to know whether i can trust u fully a hundred percent.

i may be a very hard guy to understand but surely i am not a mean and bad person which is lookin to harm people to gain my satisfaction and personal benefits.

remember that.

My Life has been a roller coaster. and this has to stop today with so many con artist and fucked up people around. its inhumanely sick and a sin.

are you with me?

and p.s : i dig that u are trying to survive by selling ur B.S, but next time put it on youtube so u can make it Rich.

p.s: dad and mum i am grateful for the life u guys have given me compared to others i finally understood. that we are completely a unit as one.

Sarange Appa, Omma..

Oh yea one more thing, i feel disappointed with your family member that day, cause when i looked around when he talked trash nobody even dare to give an opinion back. everyone is bowing down and look down as if God is speaking. Well fuck that, i have had enough the character is told by the way interpreted. i have formed my opinion about ur family. and it din belong to my world and i don't dig ur world and i won't.

so never expect me to listen anymore devilish talk and opinion. i don't wanna have anything to do with it anymore.

My heart don't lie that certain things that u done in this world is showing a pathetic human being people are. people who doesn't believe in themselves seek those.

As a result, i dont respect y'all anymore.

My used to good bud was an actor

2011-06-14T21:45:00.001+10:00

People change because of power and money,

i am still believe that what they do in their life and treat other people is still so wrong, back stabbing, lying, deceiving, is all their role in one scene of a movie that they interpret in their life.

Why am i so disappointed ?

Is there no sincere things left in this world?

i rather isolate myself rather than to be like one of them or behave like em

desperation is making people suffer, but to make people suffer under ur feet is more mean than anything else.

i have felt that i am no longer believe to anyone but my family.

how i am so disgusted by bunches of those people.

all i can do is to congratulate u.. and hope u can keep hanging on like that for the rest of ur life

Variety Show

2011-06-10T23:33:00.001+10:00

i am pretty much into korean reality show a lot..

i am addicted with it.. its so original yet funny and entertaining. whenever i am pissed about life and things. i will watch it to entertain my feeling..

i am a loner by cn blue is playin thru my head hahaha...yes i am a true loner..which is fine.. my gf is coming soon.. cant wait to meet her.. yossss

Hwaithing!!! aigooo..

Groovy sunday

2011-05-22T17:54:00.001+10:00

Having japanese food while downloadin episode 40 of runningman. lol. have to wait for several hours for it to completed.. pretty sad since that i din bring my adapter to charge my battery to full. well...tomorrow i'll get my iphone and have to unlock it.. how bad luck i had to purchased those. lol.. its an experience tho..

Running Man

2011-05-21T22:02:00.000+10:00

There is a variety show that i am pretty much interested with. its called running man and i reckoned it has been very popular in Asia.

the show make me feel happy and loneliness is rapidly gone whenever i watched em.

Recently there are some many things join on with my life.

i met lotsa folks tat is kinda freak and annoying at the same time.

whatever it its. i don't give a fuck. i don't accept lecturer from hypocrites and talkers.

My dad is my hero that is all i need to know.

Sneaky snake is not a net smart

2011-05-10T16:51:00.002+10:00

Poeple sometimes have it confused when differentiate the meaning of being smart and being sneaky as snake.

Kind of people that willing to sacrifice others to gain personal benefit is a snakes.

The other one is without letting others to suffer to gain benefit is truly a smart one.

As a result, in this era people are willing to be the first kind of people rather to be the second one.
people are selfish even more and mean.

Sometimes Relgion for them is just to make their peace of mind so whataver bad deeds that had done they wont be blamed for.
what a moron and pathetic.

i feel ashamed if i turned out to be one of those kind.
eventually i am still happy and never be greed is the key to have a happy life.

i dont complain for now. but i am complaining for others to took advantage of me before.

i would name their names but they would be unreasonable since i couldnt get what i gave back.

so what would i do.. just let it go.. and believe that karma does exist.
what comes around goes around

oh yea i never do harm to others to gain benefits..

screw yall fucker.

First Of May ( Really Early May)

2011-05-07T14:20:00.001+10:00

i have finally can say that i am blessed and grateful for everything i had at moment. i wish everyone in my family the best

Recently i have gone to Temple which i had long to go. finally i have been there and feel peaceful afterwards.

thank buddha for the blessed and everything that has been going into my life.

recently my girlfriend is my macbook pro. been to public places to online for hours. but unfortunately the internet connection is very damn slow for downloadin stuff.. how sad...

but hey..as long as everything goes well for my life i am fine with it..

Adios for now.

Untold Story

2011-04-16T13:30:00.002+10:00

"No man will have succeed when he is too greed to be true that one Titanic itself will sink to the ground and unfound".

That's probably nobody understand when it will occur to those kind of people. cause when u r up u never want to look down.

Probably the best thing to keep it balance is to be faithful to our religion and commit to act in doing goods.

Many of those going to Church every weekend but still they have no fuckin clue what is so called life about

That is a major why i never trust other Religion eventhough i was raised in Christian school since from kindergarten till high school.

One might fall when no good deeds are proven, I have lived my life with no harm to others like others took advantage of me. I can bet most of those people who did that is having a bad omen right now at the moment

Not that i am happy with that, but Karma comes earlier. and it does exist

so never fuck n disappoint people who trusted u at first. making a promises like heaven is like giving hope to desperate people who needed it.

by giving hope without commit to the end of the promises. (one sided benefits) it will kills the trust of those people.

Life is about lie, despise, money, victory and self beneficial. One of my victim is my Director at my firm.

I have it a thought and i can see why people around this world is mostly like that.

Greed is something that kills people.

When i do blogging it will always be about what is right and fair and balanced.

i hope for those people will come to realize that being greed and keep it for yourself and the fucked up thing is to give hope to others to lie to them in their face in order to get in ur way the way u wanted it.

is a fucked up scenario i ever heard in my life. even the Sun Tzu Art Of War will never have a plot/strategy like that.

I always root for the underdog one. thats is just who i am i reckon.

What about Take and Give System? i Guess people love to take n take without giving back

So what do i learn from this Life experience?

Trust No One, Only trust ur family is all.

Nobody will help you, Youse urself will have to survive all kind of the problems.

Just like the Reality Show Survivor, Thats figured it all.

motherfocker boss

2011-02-03T20:14:00.001+11:00

2011 Rabbit Year. has to make some miracle goin..or esle i am goin to pissed,

most bossess are pain in da ass...i was lucky to have known undercover boss..

well to my grandpa.. u r so damn wrong for being selfish n stingy just because u have the position so called CEO.

fuck that title and shove it up urs.

i am always living my life to be fair.. i hope everyone well be treated the same..

brutal night

2010-11-27T15:46:00.000+11:00

26th of November should be the night to remembered. i had a hard time to fix my computer and i have to work late since that my company has becoming more n more profitable. while the Bosses get their pocket deepened, we all as the subordinates din get much not even 10% of the profit combined to share between us.

I can tell that we were working quite focused and organized and with minimal fuss we are able to tackle every obstacle that came to our way. i am working late till 9 p.m and my very bestest fren asked me to join him to some karaoke after his meeting.and i was actually being introduced by one of the guy who has the fabrics factory. so everything went smooth even tho that i wasnt eager..cause my body is so fuckin tired and i just had the injection that made my body suffered. i content myself to self limit. my uncle is going to die soon because of the complication that he is having.

Health is the most important thing, without it u cant do ur daily task, u cant love someone that u wanted to love.

so here is the thing, i know in business, entertainment is part of the deal. but i always kept in my mind Ajahn Brahm story about a guy doing business but wanted to be entertained. and he refused to do so, as impact he wouldnt get a deal from the company. cause its involved cheating and against his religion belief. i wasnt that naive, but maybe i have changed. those kinda life with boozes around and plenty of pussies isnt my cup of tea. though i respect my buddy and he is about to have a deal of his lifetime so i am might just look after him in case shit happens.

One thing, i always know where i am come from wherever i am gonna be. and Jakarta is the capital city. and many foks from my city came here to find an opportunity/career. so there is always saying that a guy from my city is a snake and nobody wanted to do business with them. so its better if u lie about where u came from. WTF is wrong with being honest.

Are you guys so shame from whereabout so u had to pretend to be someone else to gain some advantage? fuck that

so i met my buddy uncle who is Rich (not wealthy). i have had explained this before. Rich is like Shaq, Hollywood star, Oprah is Rich. Wealth is like Gates, CEO of company. etc2.

so he is the host of the evening and trying to entertain and to burn his cash like nobody. well even he is already 50 but still living like a teenager. so i must say.. no hard feelings, one of the hypocrite that i have ever met. so just because u move from the slum medan and go big success in Jakarta doesnt mean that u have to be big hypocrite by denying ur people. i quote the guu "medanese is useless and got no balls". he said towards me..

does that mean that u r refering to urself. cause u r one big ugly bladed fucked who just lucky to have some money but that doesnt mean u can judge people by just stayin cool n wanted to take care one of ur nephew. thats why sometime people dont have no fuckin idea what they say when it gets to alcohol/drugs. so i have no hard feelings but i just pity him that he is degrading his own race and denying about where he is came from.

So Lesson to my baby boy and baby girl in the future. never deny about Buddha, ur origin of birth/where u grow up. cause i do despise hypocrites.

oh yea btw.... ur party sux big balded ugly fucked, u can shove up all of the pussies up ur ass. i hope u get herpes or whatever that makes u more respecting and sober.

and i know that it came with free whenever i join and every guy around is licking up ur ass. so i never have to do anything in ur life. so fuck u and go to rehab sooner. money cant buy a life. prove me wrong bitch.

Greed will just make people suffer.

Religion

2010-11-07T18:46:00.001+11:00

There is always a first time for everything, but in Religion dont even try to another one if u already had faith before. dont ever give a shit by people around you. they will try to manipulate, influence etc.

Theravada is always i my heart n soul. the rest is just it.

so i had a bad day. and surely i wont do any mistke again. i hope i am fine and not fucked

Super Holiday

2010-09-20T16:53:00.000+10:00

No words can describe how i feel about my parents. they are superb.. i dont care what other says. they are magnificent towards their child. i love them with all my heart n my soul. to make them proud and happy is my goal.

Penang-Singapore-Genting. my 9 days vacation is completed when my girl friend accompanied all of us as well.

i have so much in mind that i have to wait for a better time to tell the story in details. current affairs, issues, circumstances. everything about my life has been going better and better.

2009 2 2010

2010-01-01T17:19:00.000+11:00

My first blog ever since. What have i been doing ? I have been living, breathing and working my butt off in Jakarta.

I wish for very minute, moment i conduct will result in greater good in the future.. but yet. seems everything is still so blurry.. i dont even know whether i am havin a set back or whatever.But they say in career there is never too late for everything.

So i do hope that i can develop into some guy that will eventually makes my family proud of me. I just want to make them feel easy with what so called life!

So I am in the Capital City of J for half year. i still have longshot to go.

Btw i am 26 years old soon. I feel old n weak. i suppose to do some sports!

Lots of mates moving here as well. Cant fight fate right?

My life starts here and hopefully will end somewhere.

A country with 4 seasons.

Twi-Light

2008-12-11T06:53:00.001+11:00

so everyone is watching the movie Twilight and falling in love with the story line. Even The vampire could fall in love with human being and willing to sacrifice everything for the love of his life.

Well what can i say beside, its a girly movie. I am not trying to be a judge or degrading to some of girls who love this movie. Heard the second part will come out as it is in production.

So what i have been doing during November and December, i went to Another town to find some extra money. business has been bad since Global Crisis occurred in every country. Its not an excuses tho.. I am still pissed by the fact that everyone has gone nuts just because of money...even in family there is a contra when it includes money..well let say its blood money. every single guy is trying to take care of himself only.. i am sad by the fact that no one cares about value of life instead of money. there are still a lot of things is more important than money. that is for sure.

I am still trying to stand still and make ahead even the condition is not supporting at moment. but i believe with hearts n patient. i'll meet my expectation.

Saint Joseph

2008-09-12T06:40:00.000+10:00

My title mean something to me, it was my first grade till sixth grade where i met my best fren and till today i am still stucked with him. Actually it was since from kindergarten as consequences that my friendship with him is very solid. I can truly say that he is the only guy that i trust totally. even i am always warned by many others that not to trust people 100%.

Saint Joseph brought a lot of memories for me, it was the year without worries for not having a money, gf, job etc2.. I was just playing all the time with mates. When the study hour was finished i was out there playing for 1-2 hours before i was grab by my driver to send me home.

It was a joyful memory n it was already 20 years or so behind me. As time goes by, worries, doubt, hesitance about decision making and about life makes me nauseous. I have so many responsibility and goal to accomplish. and from where i stand right now, i aint proud at all. I have not achieve anything that makes my parent proud.

I learn a lot about life and yet i still think that i am not matured enough yet to make something happend. i need to be more confident and have some faith. Cause i believe that everyone has their own purposes in life. I know that i wont do harm to others, by that i can always believe that my Saint will always bless and protect me for whatever i do as long as it is for a good harm.

I am not saying by hardwork u aint do good in life.it just that 80% of my life till today is because simply based on luck. i feel lucky most of da time. even i am always disappointed about love. I hope this time that the cursed will be broken. cause finally and cross my finger...she is the one.

I do have a plan about settling down, and i hope by the year 2009 i will make a significant progress...cause i have been wasting all my life to be honest..and i am ashamed of admitting it. 2 years is the time that it had been wasted.

Isnt life sometimes Ironic? when u less expecting something, it came to u.. when u try so hard to get it.. it will always never be in ur reach.. now, opportunity has come. all i got to do is focus. and believe that i will survive and do good in life. cause i will never forgive myself to let those who loves me sincerely, for who i am.

I am still learning though about character, life, perception, love... i wont be the perfect guy.. but i believe that i will be the guy that will be loved totally by the one that by that steals my heart.

i wish for the best for everyone. and remember.... if u do no harm to others. God will always protect you., God will never make u suffer. there is no such thing as try out. God will never n ever control humans life like a game.

It is Karma that matters in this world..

I truly believe in it and i am scared of it.

I've been hurting people before...and i am truly sorry for that.

Remembering Me

2008-09-06T07:35:00.000+10:00

I knew it!

Things have been going very smoothly, and hopes it has a continuance. i have been enjoying every minutes, seconds. as a result, i have lost some of my good mates due to jealousy. But this is the choice and what i have been wanting. which is to focusing on one thing instead of many things.

Cause i still believe in 100% job instead of 10 jobs but divided with 10% effort and focus. As a matter of fact, i am drawing a path for what i am going to do for 2009 because as time passes by and as i become older. no more youth thoughtful at this moment.

As projected, i was going out a lot lately. cause i am progressing something which i dont want to say still at moment!. cause when it's not 100% accomplished and happend. i will seal my mouth. cause it sux to be always wrong. my previous prediction always got wrong. I was not sure was it because of my lack of judgement or because simply i was too dumb to admit that i was wrong, blind or was into the current situation.

I din say that i am not confident that causes me to be silent. It just that i wanna be out of the previous jinxes that had haunted me for years n years. Meanwhile, i have lotsa of things to do in progress before that my dream came true. i gotta be more firm n solid to myself. i have to be more mean! Assasination of Richard Nixon taught hell of a lesson. to those who wanna be succed in everything. well, watch the movie and do the opposite of what Sean Penn Character was conducting.

I need all the luck in the world, may the Angel will come and rescue and help me get through all these phases that was made for me.

One heart, Never wrong.

Everything is 50-50, there is never such thing as a guarantee deal. Trust me, i am still learning about life, about to be a better man etc. I do promise that i will always try to be more mature, rational, logical, sincere and love to those who loved me back in return.

Sometimes it hurts and pisses the hell out of you when someone was just using u for their own benefits. i have had enough of that kind of life. i am no longer trusty than i was before. although i have learn that sometimes when u play dumb along to those who seems to know everything is quite a good tactic in a normal socialization.We are living in a hypocrites world. so i guess it figures why did i have to do that.

Mellow mode on......

It might ? or mighty?

2008-08-20T00:20:00.000+10:00

After i got punk'd by one of my mates from gambling business, I went to vacation to get away from jack ass's. Macao was great, although at the end i was quite dissappointed by the fact that my dad lost because of my mom's delay to shopping. As a result, i am qute down by it to be frank.

After i got home, i went to Jkt and Bali, it was fun and yet i am satisfied. Coz i had found some future ahead that might bring a continuance for me to make a living. Bali was okay, with fan2 things was a little bit rough. cause once u went abroad with girls u gotta be patience. but it was okay and i survived.

So what news? i am focusing to make a living cause in 2-3 years i wanna settle down. hopefully i will know who is the one. this time i wont say which one is my chix. It'll be surprise.

Cause i have faith n confident...

Raison D'etre

2008-07-28T23:23:00.000+10:00

It means a reason for being, Well i am having a thought what purpose do i have in this life.

Everyone has a reason for living, loving, dying and etc. I am still trying to treasure mine.

As time gets ticking, i am quite concern about what i have achieve in this life. cause compare with what i have imagine is not even that damn close. A reason that i should not put it or blame it to others if i fail in the future. but as always i am overly confident.

Is it wrong that i am still not get any things to do in my life to make a living because i dont like what i have been offered?

i was given opportunity that i am not comfortable with, is that wrong to not doing it instead of doing something else that no one will approve with? yes i am talking about gambling industry. i have been living and knowing all the games and the system since i was in elementary school. but as i grown and witnessed lots of gamblers went bankrupt i started to think about something that does have a longer and safe insurance into making a living.

I always wanted to be part of gaming industry so my dream job would be in Casino. Yes, i work for them. just imagine about wearing a suit, just like the movie in Casino by Robert Deniro. He was a pitt boss, supervisor and at the end became the highest authority in Casino. I wanted that life, who doesnt?

But i realized that my dream i starting to fade away a lil bit, cause of financial situation. i have to do something else that legal to support my life at moment. I hope that i have that passion with. I hope that i dont make others suffer because of me. I want people to recognize my talent at the end of my time. I am going to accomplish my thing with dignity.

This is my raison d'etre.

Macao In Action

2008-07-15T05:56:00.001+10:00

So here i am for the second time since the Old n New, i am enjoying the lifestyle in here. i can get use to it.

As a result, A friend of mine told that he didnt want to pay me back.. well at least i knew which one is the real mate and which one is not.

My whole life had always been being punk'd, those bastard owe me some money but then doesnt want to pay me back

All i can say is that, karma is exist, and payback is a bitch.

just wait and see..

look what got to me, i am enjoying every second of my life

i am going to stay overnight in Singapore.

Gonna meet Army if possible..

Oh man i miss her, cause i know for sure that she is a real mate.

I am goin to get a way to get away from my hometown

i wish

My Buddha has always protected me.

I am totally devoted to what i believe.

Ungrate

2008-07-09T17:54:00.001+10:00

Euro 2008 has passed, i have been facing some unfortunate situation

As most of my folks know that i have been living and breathing from betting online.

Under circumstances, i had a friend whom at first i trust. I tend to trust people who stick around me or hang out around me. but yet, i have always been a victim of those who owe money to me and didnt want to pay me in da future whether they already got the money or not

They were not a real intention to pay me back which i think that money issue is really something that probably everyone has to look afters. since people are selfish and ungrateful.

I have always been a good buddhism, i never borrow money from others and i have always got a good intention for other people if they are sincere to me. hypocrites are all of the human being that always been floating around my social life. I can always think of a karma, and hopefully i will have something great in da future, i believe the more you give, the more you will get something good in return.

i promise myself by this experience that had already happend to me, that i will never ever trust people no more.

everyone is unfaithful to each other to think about their own beneficial.

how ironic life is, i hope that i can stay away from those people. I dont need those bunch of kiss ass liars.

I had some good mates from other countries compared with mine right now in hometown which i am really disappointed since i have been longer mates wit the hometown instead when i was study abroad.

I have been telling lies as well to those hypocrites in order to get whats mine back.

I cant think of no better idea option.

I got to lie these day hmm...which is not really myself.

But it is what it is in life.

i am just a common guy..but i am no harm to everyone.

I care about being sincere.

Isn't Bizzare?

2008-04-21T06:39:00.001+10:00

I am in da state of confusion at moment.

I think i met my soul mate.

Her name is Stephanie Sarah Karta, I called her Fan2, I met her through friends in Jakarta. At first, she was with her bf i thought, but at the end i found out that it was just a friends of hers.

I have an attraction towards her, cause i think she's very friendly and tall at first impression.

At time goes by, we had a little chat through msn and i feel we have a lotsa of similarity and same hobbies which is very rare to find.

Cause i think that i am quite an eccentric and different from others.

what others adore or like i might loath.

This is who i am, not for being different or controversy.

I met her the second time when it was my visitation to Bali,

She managed to meet me when she told me that the next day she is about to go to Singapore to visit her grandfather.

Well at first we didnt talk much cause there was my mates and her mates. but one thing that i remember is that i bought a necklace from her to give my my friends as a souvenir.

We met only once.

As time goes by, the conversation continue from msn.

I promised her that i will come to Jakarta if it is her birthday, it happens in April 5th.

I went to Jakarta after i came back from Bangkok.

I didnt go to her birthday, cause i didnt know how to go to her birthday party. but one thing that i am glad of is that i didnt make it.

Cause i didnt know her friends, and later i found out that the guy came to her birthday party.

I truly believe that everything happen for a reason.

And i am gladly and truly Thank to Buddha for giving me sign.

Cause i wasnt prepared how to act or react.

But the next day, I got up early and i went to find the location for my training job for monday in Garuda Center. (Airline). After i found and memorized how to get there, I asked my aunt to teach me how to go to her place.

Well, we already made a schedule for our date later on at night. but i wanted to surprise her i guess. so i bummed myself to her office. which i promised to do so. cause i didnt go to her grand opening.

So i met her and we had a quite delightful dinner, the thing that i like about her is that, she's unique, hard working, different, Cool, unpredictable yet very charming.

How many girls know that a movie such as Shawshank and Finding Forester is a good movie? I bet only 3% in my hometown knew about that movie.

We had same education background which is cool, and the other thing that surprises me is that she knew how to play a piano!

Once i said when i was in high school, whoever can play me S.E.N.S songs i would marry her and yet i found the girl in Jakarta.

things happend bizzarely.

I dont think that she's attracted to me, cause we have a different religion and the main problem i think is Long Distance situation.

I am really guessing right now. but one thing i do know is that she's the girl i wanted to be.

One thing that bothers me a little i guess is that, When it was saturday, the day that i expect that she would date me. but yet instead she cancelled her date with me just to be with Dobi.

At first i thought Dobi was a girl, so i played it cool and i said well its okay i understand. just do whatever you want.

But later on Devi was telling me that Fan2 was been hanging out with Dobi.

Well i felt a lil bit unease, that i know that i must have like this girl so bad otherwise i wont feel a thing.

But the fact i felt moron is the answer about how i feel towards her.

The thing is that i have no reason to be angry whatsoever cause she told me the truth.

she aint lying or making an excuses.

Therefore, i like her more.

Now, All i can do is to wait for the right moment to tell her that i have been silently adore her.

I hope that this is my one. my destiny, my future, and my sign of everything that i am hoping for a long time.

Every Man Has their Own Task in Life

2008-03-02T08:34:00.000+11:00

If i ask myself about this to myself? What should i offer to the world?What am i going to do to accomplish my goal?

Basically i would make my parents proud for what i have done in life.I would do whatever it takes for human being to understand that everyone is equal, gender, status, race and etc.

Because i believe that everyone has own rights to be equally treated.The other thing that i wanna do is to make myself a better person since i am a religious. And i have given myself to my God, Buddha.

I wanna be devoted only to God, and scared to God.Everyone should understand that if you trust urself and given 100% to God u will get a a good karma in your life. maybe it wont happend in this life, but in the next life you'll have get a great happiness happening around you.

I wanna thank to Bangkok, Thailand for giving me such an inspiration about Buddha, And i truly believe that if you do good things in your life. you'll get something good in return.

I aint hoping, but sincerely i am doing this because i want to.with all my heart i just wanted to say that i am grateful for where i am standing right now.

Solaris

2008-02-24T08:19:00.002+11:00

I'm living like there is no tomorrow.
Which is i am hopefully to do till i achieve something in my life.
I have lotsa thought that i wanna write.

but seems that sumtimes the inspiration is elsewhere..

Today i guess one of my mate told me that my ex anniversarry with her new boyfren.
and they spend the night in some fancy restaurant i reckon.
How i feel? well i dont really pissed or anything.
i feel grateful cause at least i know that she's happy with her current relationship.

The other thing that bothers me is that my mum said that i need a God-Father. or my fortune will be ruined.
I mean come on....that sounds 60's.
i hate the fact that we chinesse ought to trust that kind of stuffs too seriously.
like your future will be damned just because of some prophercy made by those.
I aint against it or nothing. it just dont too much.
i have had enough of it sometimes.
but what else could you do.

I am trying these day to find a job. i have this kind of option in my mind.
I always wanna be part of charity thing. Red Cross or whatever that helps people.
Although that it wont make lotsa of money, but i am willing to do it.
Remember, The more you give others the more you will get in return.
It just that i have to trust with my interest and for which i love with.

I love media thing as well, but i am not really sure what kind of position will be suitable for me.
so hopefully that i will get an opportunity for me to be a better person or at least it will lead me to what i called achievement

Btw i was told that i am eccentric?
am i?
cause i will take that as a compliment.
none hard feeling taken.

2008 has to be my another great year.
i wonder will i be attached this year? or should i wait for another year?
patience will lead me to the best girl.
and i am saving the best for the last

People are no different than others

2008-02-13T08:30:00.000+11:00

I had this thought about how people play their role in society.
Using and being used.
I just couldnt figure out anymore which one is sincere and which is not.
i have always stay true to my point of view about things.
Suddenly i just dont have a clue how to face under circumstances.
cause people are just the same. i couldnt tell no more which one should i focus on.

I had a good friends but yet they changed, and suddenly there is a boundaries in between.
i shoulda appreciate more when we were good friends.
i now regret things, as i develop to grown.
i admit that i had wasted some of a sincere friends.

I need to start a new life, and start to appreciate more for the things come to me.
the people that had entered my life.

I wanna say that i am so sorry to those who i abandoned
Sho, Rica, My ex-es (perhaps) and many2 mates in Sydney

I just feel horrible that instead of telling them how i feel i just ignored the facts that how much they had impact in my life.

I hope that i am not too late to say that i am truly sorry.
Shitney has changed my life, I thank the city for that.

Another Brand new year

2008-01-15T06:11:00.000+11:00

This year ahead, is shitty, i have been losing a lotsa of money grr
but yet i have news, i aint quitters so too bad..
i believe that everything will go into a good and to my favour, cause i am believer..
i am a guy with lotsa luck...luck is very important.
just like Rob and Amber said... they are so great to each other..

I would love to meet them in future...so i am hoping that 2008 will be a great year ahead..
so i wish that everything happend at moment is just temporarily fucked up moment for me...just to make me wanna go above more.

Thats all for now... yucky yucky

New Year - Fresh Journey?

2008-01-04T22:45:00.000+11:00

I have been in Macau for New Year's Eve,

It's Awesome, Although that i am a lil bit pissed becoz that gambling causes my family to lose some money...arghhh

But It's really like Vegas for sure...

What do i expect in 08?

Money money money, girls always gonna become a second important things for me.

Without wealth u aint gonna be happy with any girls..

so i have to be objective to my goals.

I have seen a lot of gamblers, Rich guys etc..

Macau had left me a wonderful experience.

I learnt sumthing, people wont change from their past behavior.

I guess once a rapist will always will be.. its on the gene of human being.

No one will change from their orginality

I should watch my ass from my circle, since i had some friends that did back stabbed me few years ago.

SO i am hoping that i wont be in that dip shit no more.

Oh yea, i met fine ladies when i was in Macau/ HK

Its been wonderful mate.

It taught me / refresh my minds that i wont be desperate or random

Am hoping for the greatest .

I wish,

Another Sweet November (Probably The best November)

2007-11-29T05:15:00.000+11:00

I know that i have been vacuum for quite some time to write a blog.
its not that i am too lazy to write anything, it just that my life has been the same most of the time. I am still looking for $$ in order to get away from here.

Cause the truth is that i aint havin no frens that i enjoyed to be with.
You can say that i am stucked or i am conservative. but if you're in my shoe, you will know what i mean!
I'm just tryin to survive n stop complaining about my society that i am not involved with.

Okay, This month is probably the greatest month ever came to my life.
I have a visitor from Army, She was a good friend of mine in Sydney.
She came with her baby as well..which i adored so much.
How cute and innocent could baby be!

Okay, so to my future child...this has been an eye opening for me.
I am just hopin that my future child will be lovable as much as army's has.
and just wondering if i could ever fall for someone again. (wife)
or am i just gettin merid because i am desperate for my legacy to be continued.

Well i guess it doesnt matter at this moment right?
Anyhow, Armee came for 2 days in Medan, and we had fun a lot, we talked, we party, we eat, we watch a basketball together.
i am happy just because she was there...One equals=100 medanese.
cause i feel comfortable with her, and she's the bestest and i get to know more about life and definetly about her more.

I wish and hope that our friendship will remain till the day we are old and unable to walk haha.
she's a good girl with a great intention for others who in needs.
she's no selfish, and for sure i hate to see her being used by others (R) bastard.
To Raven, he is the cutie baby boy that will be the next hefner or flynt i reckon hahaha

I am grateful and i feel blessed!
Thank Lord

Circle of Hatred

2007-08-29T06:08:00.000+10:00

The Atmosphere of my life in 2007 has been Great, I went to Jakarta n Bali last couple of weeks for about 20 days or so..
My mates, Everything has been a real journey in my life, i could say that this year of 2007 could be the best time of my life! Why?

I know who meant to be friends and who doesnt really is my friend.
As result, I am more contend to do what best for my life even though lots of people hates my guts!. The funny thing is that, all of the haters are all from the City of Medan, A City that gave me a birth and raised me as a human being and yet i am different from them a lot.
I am not trying say that i am always truly right, but hey. I am laying low, and doesnt really care about other business, I am just a guy that having fun a lot. with no worries at all.

Friends has become a Hi-Bye friends kinda type of relations with me.
Which i dont really give a damn, yet cause they do sux with so much bull shit and hypocrites around my life.
Life is all about faking for them, But since i am guy that believe in what i am doing.
Well, keep ur advise, cause i wont be someone else rather than me. Cause i love myself to much to got affected by those cheap comment, advise, accuse or whatever u wanna call it!

Yeah i aint give a damn, cause what i do is not gonna give them a disadvantage yet people are always try to make me look bad/ try to find my mistakes which is impossible cause i aint give a rat ass to those hypocrites since i am Truly The eccentric guy on Earth!

So adios guy, Dont force ur luck to have my perception about you guys to get changed!
Its locked and load! Too bad that i am bragging and feel down!

Cause i have found my Real Friend on the other place.
Yes i am lonely, bored and shit. but i still can manage how to survive without those scums.
I will always telling the truth with facts whether u like it or not! am always fine without scum bags.

To be concluded, i am better from you guys thats that.
period, simple and tacky.

I am a minorities that i will say out loud with pride and dignity. at least its the only thing i can still be proud of my self!

Oh yea and dont forget i am still beautiful. as always i am always over confident.

At the end, i will laugh from the other side with joy and great smile. just like this =D

Something that never exist nor real?

2007-04-27T04:27:00.000+10:00

Anyhow, i wish that Bebe will find her way to the great happiness, cause i wont be bothering her anymore. since her fuckin bf being such an Ass telling her not to hang out with me anymore.
What a dumb dickhead jealous childish-rot muthafucka..

I aint gv dick anyhow, i just felt that anything happens lately is not reasonable!
out of context for sure.
I have been holdin grudge to those muthafucka backstabber fren of mine.
I feel pity for them who thinks that i am goin to need them in ma life.
well u can suck my bottle and wish that hypocrites like u could have a wonderful life.
cause i aint give a shit to yall..

Well enough said, I dont need people that never appreciated their fuckin life and still complainin..
Why dont u just shove up ur ass with ur fingers then..cause i have had enough of your bullshit.!
yada2 yak yak..

Anyway, I am goin to start a new social life since my old mates are being pathetic and low life lately. though they are very rich and shit. but i have no respect at all!
so if u think that i might apologize to you..and beg u for being my friends again.
Well.. keep on dreaming!
cause i aint living in your fantasy land of yours that never existed ungrateful biatch!

Sweet Sacrifice

2007-03-04T05:40:00.000+11:00

How yall, i just recovered from a pain on my neck, it happened 6 days ago when i woke up i felt pain, i couldnt even twist my head to the left nor right! i guess the cause of it was because i slept in a wrong position which result my neck became sour and painful!

Yea it sux, and there was been a myth about to get ur pillow and hit it and put it under the sun! what the hell was that idea came from! since then, i had an intense massage for a coupele of days.

Well thank lord cause now i fully recovered and can be normal as usual!

wuih, anyhow life been just the same, Evidently my ex Bebe got a new potential bf soon. It seems that i dont really gv a head or mind.. but as the matter of fact i still care a lot bout her. and there is little inside of me will always gonna love her forever i hope.

I just wish her the best anyhow, i dont wanna have that thought about my past cause its painful. i just want to live mine to the fullest..and so be it!
As a matter of fact, i was a little sad..but i wont say nothing to her..
she will know whats best for her.. cause i really learnt a lot..

it may as seem as i am different guy...but i am indeed different..i changed a lot because of the experience i have been through.
so i am sacrifice for ma self. I am gettin used of the loneliness and everything..actually i became cold because of my experienced i had..
I just wanna see how the future gonna gets me..

i'll be waitin till then..and be smilling for the joy..
lock and load..!

And i'm telling you i'm not goin to....

2007-02-15T05:02:00.000+11:00

Today i talked with her...suddenly she said something about not being 'friends' anymore?isnt it weird..coz she did agree being my frens before!
sometimes i couldnt understand whats wrong with her mind, cause she kept changing like a wind suddenly

Well she said that she was thinking bout my mates..

I dont what was her purpose on tellin me this! coz i aint jealous or something!or maybe she just like to compare me with others!coz she said i dont even the confidence like others had!

As the matter of fact, I never fall for that kind of shit.coz since she likes to tell me a fairy tale about her ex'sand etc2....it made me like a dork actually...So she wanted me to be like others instead of being myself ey?anyhow, i was tryin to change a lot for her which doin no good to me!

aint u suppose to complain since we are only a friends?
I am havin a hard time to follow up with ur inconsistent mind!
Everything went funny in the end! I do agree that i have known her for a short period of time.
But i am truly care about her till today! ask me why? i have no answer for yall

i will respect her decision and so be it then..likewise i will do nothing to force her.maybe we were wrong to know each other!, it was wrong to give it a try everything was a set up!but i learn my lesson!

remember 1 thing mate, 1 mistake will ruin everything, trust me! but if u do a thousand good thing, it will be forgetable! dont mess up on this one...

so if u ask me now, what i really want?
i dont want nothing! i just want to follow anything what fits in ur mind
if u dont wanna be mates, thats fine with me..i can live with it matei wont hate u, coz i know u are a decent person!

just stop comparing me, coz it had me a lot of thinkin...the prob its not all in me if there is no cause! the cause of it is because u kept mentioned it! the effect of it... i was influenced by it! is that reasonable at all ey?

well i take all the karma then..i have made such a big error and made a big one bad image of ma self.

How could she....

2007-01-16T21:49:00.000+11:00

Again..i failed as a man, Its happening..
Its the end between babe and me..
I jut wanna take this moment..to say..that i am really angry with myself..
There is nothing i can do to change the situation..

Though at times u said that u rili care about me.. but from the act u have shown recently...i am in doubt..
Well babe, i was trying to understand you but you dont even give a rat ass..when i was worried because of ur mood swing behavior suddenly..

Why does good thing has to end!
You are really everything that i wanted to be with..
To be honest, i became mellow because i really like you...i want you to believe that there is still good man left in this earth..
I wanna take care of you..

But since that u ignored me...i will try my best to live bymyself..to find my way..
At times when i pursue u again..then you will know that i am already become the man that you always wanted..
i dont know how long is it gonna takes..but i wish that before 2011 i will stand up like a Man...

I do hope that you will wait for the time comes...i will be there..just wait..
maybe i am trying to hard to myself....
i shoulda be more relax...
anyway thx for everything really..

sori that i couldnt be cool enough to face the circumstances that given
i feel shit when you acted weirdly..however, i can accept for who you are...and i never care for everything...

For me, you are important..

this is the first time i am having this kind of situation..
i feel shit..

you said that it wont be a problem if i am mellow kind of guy..and u said its good to be yourself..
but how could you be affected then?
why why why...

Am i wrong to be honest with ya
well you tell me then...
i would never lie to you..

Massacre

2007-01-15T01:01:00.000+11:00

Aishh...Lately been very dull...
Thinkin a lot about babe....
Nothing i could say..that i am so into her..
she is different...mysterious type kind of girl..
thats what i like about her...

hard to get....
self respect..and vain..hahaha

Yesterday something happend between us..
i became mellow suddenly when she said about the word "friend"
it pisses me off cause i was thinking back about my past relationships..and it affected my behavior real sux..

So she said that US would be hard to be into a relationships because i would get hurt eventually in da future..
but it was just that i was influenced by the situation...

I am just hoping that she wouldnt judge my behavior based on that only
cause i am really like her and worried....she told me to be relax...thats what iam gonna do...i trust her...

But it happend for a reason..that i could see the quality inside her..
I am so shocked,sad and happy at the same moment..we talked till 5.30..Till my mum got angry coz i didnt sleep..
How could i?

She told me to think about...what would if u if u are living in da mountain with one girl...no one elses...would u fall for her?
well i think abouut it real hard in da living room below...while i am smoking..
I think the possibility about who and whom..
and my final conclusion is that..i wouldnt fall for someone that i dont like at the first place...cause thats just not me..
attraction is the important part for me...Not kindess no whatsoever

So babe..i hope u are trust me...cause whenever u ask me this question i will give you the same answer..
I really do believe that we have something to treasure...
This isnt the end of us..

Though u said that u will give me the answer in a month..and the favour is not in my side...because of the lackness of my attitude yesterday..
I still believe...for everything u said..

Babe,,,

2007-01-08T04:06:00.000+11:00

She went back at around 4 yesterday, we talked on da phone...to clarify everything
babe wanted to end it up...cause she said that she doesnt want to hurt me..
to be honest she is very complicated and her mood changing so quickly like a wind..

at a moment...i had a thought about my past...cause it has the similarity condition..
i am so afraid that she is not for real..
but i tried my best to believe her..and hopefully that cause of this we could understand each other more..

i hope that she would come to Medan this month..so i can show her that i really want to be with her..
the problem is that, i am not sure about her feelings for me..
i dont even know why i have to like her so much..yet...i am afraid that she might want to have a revenge towards me..cause of dre

babe...all i wanted is just that u open ur heart to me...and just a little care from u
i wont be controling ur life cause its not me
all i want is just that we trust each other..
i have a faith in you

And if someday i made u angry...i want u to know..that i am really gonna try to be the best person for you..
you dont even give a choice..i am stucked in between..i dont really know how to act and how to be...
being myself is so wrong...being others...is even worse,...

and 1 thing..i aint perfect...
but i am willing to try to be a better person..

hopefully things gonna be okay in da future...
i dont wanna be stupid anymore..

if we arent mean to be together...i will let you go..
so you know..i already did my best....for you...babe..

Orchestra?

2007-01-07T04:18:00.000+11:00

I just got back in Medan from Jakarta, It wasnt like i expected before..so many stuffs happend right there...
It wasnt that fun like it was supposed to be..

I have been attracted to kath recently, we got to know each other like a month...Then we met in Jakarta..everything went fine..
I am happy when i was around her..

But i am not sure about the relationship that we are going to have since the distance between us is not supporting us.
Then, something just came up...

I am so pissed and i dont even know whether i could trust her or not!
since that she already said that she aint going to the club and alcohol for a while!
but today, she sent me a text said that she is going to!
Well as the matter of fact, i am not pissed about she wanted to go to the club.
but she broke the promise that she has made!
i am dissappointed...i really do! cause once a liar is forever a liar!

the other things is that i do really care about her! she just recovered from her illness...
But i have no choice, cause she aint listening to me..
now, i am really doubt whether she is for real or not!
does she really care about me? from the act she did...she aint give a rat shit..
She said that as well in da phone..so i have to becareful from now on
cause if u act like this...i aint gonna trust u no more

Every words that comes out from your mouth...its all bull shit
Why do u have to be fake!
So if u read this one day babe...so you know that there is no point acting cool and ignorant! cause that aint true to yourself

i aint gonna act like there is nothing happening..cause it affects my perception about us..
so you know..that faking is not my cup of tea
okay i dont wanna say nothing no more...at the moment..u aint gonna care..cause u are having fun over there..

Whatever i said will do nothing good..
so then....and once again...
i will be waiting for what is gonna happend in da future.

Where is the X mas vacation?

2006-12-06T15:49:00.000+11:00

Ok so i hava been acting Drama theatric recently!, i act like i am the weakest link from all of my mates! Though, i had learn from them how to be cold hearted! hahaha
Anyhow, i am still planning on my vacation! what should i do and etc!

Yenny gave me a call, and probably we will spend the holiday together if its possible!
so cross your finger! it might fun!
I am suppose to go to Jakarta to meet Army cs! but probably i couldnt make it there until January!

The matter of fact is that, I am confused because i have 3 potential gf!

Retard!

2006-12-02T16:25:00.000+11:00

I just got home yesterday to Medan, I arrived at 3.30 a.m! Airlines-Fuckin retard!
I am so pissed with all the bullshit!
anyway after i got into medan, things are really not going like i want it to be!

So i went to fortune-teller to ask about my the one. He said that We aint belong together but on the other hand, he gave a prediction of football matches and 3 of it were all lost! So i am a bit twisted about to believe it or not...but really it bothers me! I am seriously dont even know what to do!

That was afternoon by the way, by the night i have to pick up my Mum from the airport, but before that Ivana came by to my house to pick up some things! she came with her bf which she told me they day before that she is going to break up! i am so pissed and just left cause i am sicked and tired of chix bull crap! seriously!

Then suddenly Cindy my bebe gave me a call and warn me about yenny cause she heard something about her from bebe's trustworthy mate!
She said that yenn is a cheap girl and no good! i shoulda watch my back and let her go! bla bla bla... so i am so disturbed by the facts about gossip contra with the facts that she and i are really connected!

So i am so fuckin confused!, what a retard! But i couldnt ignore Cindy's advise cause i knew she care about me a lot and she is doing no harm for me!
What i have been through in Jkt gave me a lot of doubt about her anyway! cause we acted like we were couple! and the more i meet her, the more i care about her! it sad to leave Jakarta and knowing that there is someone else chasing her!.

But i gotta be matured and act cool!So i do have a plan to come again in the next 2 weeks, but because of a lot of talking about her! (Bad one). i am so scared that i might get punked real bad!
Anyhow, i gotta focus o my goal and future instead of her btw!

Cause i really believe in my instinct that she is a good person! We met because we were destined! I know i am a good person! i wouldnt fall in the same hole again n again!
i gotta follow my guts instead of listening to others opinion!

However, everything is going to awesome if i could make it to Jakarta!
cause instead of living in Hell(Mdn). i would rather be in some other places without so much gossip!

Capital City here i comeee

2006-11-21T19:47:00.000+11:00

Jakarta, in the next 2 days i will be with my mates over there..hell yeah baby!
Anyhow, I wont fall for the same mistakes again! i will take nothing for granted!

Its been a cool time between me and yen, its cool though, at least i know what to do next!
as i said, i aint the same me as i was before!
so fuck chix, i got plently of plans to make with my brothas...
Wish me luck then, though i will see her but it wont affect me no more
cause she aint the potential gf!

i deserve better, and whatever i ask for! i shall receive!

Finale

2006-11-14T03:05:00.000+11:00

Its been a busy week, So as i said before 3 of my mates went to other cities to start their new life!
Anyhow, On Sunday i sent Yenny to the airport, i never expect that i would see her again after from the Karaoke. She has been very busy and a lot of guys called her, so i never wanted to bother her or annoyed her time!

But she did call me and we met at the airport since i got her tickets, so i went there and fix her luggage and stuffs. The funny thing is that, i am so glad that she is about to leave Medan for good. but some part of me are quite sad i dunno why!.. maybe because we clicked, and she could make me laugh!. i was so happy whenever i was with her!

I miss the way she eat a lot, the way she acting cute, the way she's laughing, and etc2..
i knew that falling for someone like her would do no good to me cause she's having a lot of guys attracted to her, and i didnt expect too much from her since i am happy as her mates..

The funny thing is that when she was about to leave, we hug and she kiss my cheeks, but accidently when i was turn my face to the side, our lips were touched! haha...i felt bad and i sent her sms said i was sorry. She called me back and said it was supposed to be longer when our lips touched! damnnn... she was flirting with me..

Anyhow, i like a tall girl..ironicly i met a lot of midget chix, and i am so afraid that i will end up with shorts one.. huhuh... so Sad, thats why never make any promises and criteria to urself or you might end up of getting the opposite one!

Thus, i do care about her a lot. i wish she will find her happines over there and she will be succesful in whatever she is doing!.

Last Supper

2006-11-11T23:49:00.000+11:00

It has been a hectic week for me!.
Sadly, 3 of my mates has to leave Medan for some reason!
1. Vandelgo, has been my mate since i was in high school, we had the same interest in gambling n stuffs, but as the matter of fact he is truly genuine guy i have ever met! Good luck to him in Solo, may the best occur in his life!

2. Ferty, i watched her from a tough situation till the happy one! she is going to Singapore to continue her study in make up studies, She has been a great mate of mine, eventhough when she was having a relationships, we lost contact! but its cool, cause whenever she broke up, she would let me notice right away, She had a bad relationships like i had!

3. Yenn, Just hung out with her like a month ago, She is the most funniest person i have ever met, loveable, mature and etc. It was so sad that she has to leave Medan for good while me and her are startin to get very close. I am so comfortable whenever she was around!
I was hoping that our friendship doesnt end just right here!

So yesterday we had our last supper in sushi tei then from there we went to Karaoke, it was fun, though cindy has to leave before 12, i am pretty sad that all the joy and laughter has to end when the entire night has ended!

I dont even know when will i see my mates again!
but surely i will always pray for them and wish them luck!

Anyhow i met this one girl, she is a friend of yenn as well, We met last 3 days, and i wasnt interested to her, but she kept sending me sms. honestly, These day girls are became more wilder than before!
She aint ugly, but the fact that she has the mouthache and over make up turn me off
Today is Saturday, and i aint going out, i dont feel like to do anything since that i am truly sad for the dissapperance of my mates.

it aint easy to find a new mate and to communicate with a new person!
huhu..

November Rain

2006-11-06T19:52:00.000+11:00

November supposed to be a Sweet month! but it aint happend to me though
Recently i just got back from Japan, a duty as the tour guide was okay for me... not a great one..just okay..

3 years ago when i was in Japan with my mum was much more fun than this year!
i went with 40 guest from Medan, and i was having a problem since that the extended guest couldnt make it home since that a bunch of people went abroad!.
As a result they got stucked in KL and the guest rang me up like a crazy that made my head spinning around like shit!, i aint sleeping!

I hate Four Seas anyhow, travel agency is not my cup of tea for sure, though my parents are trying to encouraging me to swim into this field. dont get me wront though, I Love travelling, but when it was a hectic time, u might get into some real deep shit problem like me!

Thank God that the problems solved!, i am enjoying my day in this shitty holy town!
I met a lot of new people, made some new mates, its all good! though some of them are really pain in the ass!, as i said before (previous blog) people in here are such a dick head.
i couldnt say in another words how to describe those commoners!
I was looking for the dictionary to express how i feel, but i found none to elaborate!

I went to a pub last saturday, it was lame for sure of course!, So many funny things to tell that i dont even know how to get it started!.

Well, i went there because i was forced to join them together, so many funny things that i dont even know how to start!.
Aint pretty chix there, though its crowded!. i met a lot of old mates! it was cool, but the Live Band it sux!.. people call that place retro as a clubbing club, but for me, it was just a bunch of cockroaches gathering around singing some pa-the-tic songs that i dont even recognized! (they sang Indo-fuck-nesian songs)

And the funny things is that people are dancing wild, jumping like their titties wanna poped up! get drunk, nasty and shit. i aint blaming them, but i was watching people and i was thinking that they were so easily satisfied/entertained!
i aint giving the band credit forthe songs that they were performed! Coz 1 thing that made me so harsh! because they simply sux and i have seen better club!
Thats that

okay 1 more thing, there was one guy got up to the stage (he came from nowhere i reckoned). start to do some break dancing that was absolutely fugly!. the audiences was getting wild and impressed. i shoulda record that shitty dance! i barely laugh and sober cause i was a bit tipsy since i didnt enjoy the places! i just kept drinking and smoking!

In my conclusion, Medan is a living hell.. i aint getting happiness, I miss Sydney so much that sometimes i felt like a dork that every little single thing of the things happend in here, i compared it with my life or things in Sydney!
Aint better place for me rather in OZ. i gotta find my way and try to fit into the society in here!
I got plenty of cool friends recently but still in night i always have Oz in my mind, especially my mates over there! the coolest mate ever!

I miss yall nigga!

Jakarta here i come on 23th November...

life goes on

Standing

2006-10-17T02:26:00.000+10:00

So i am standing here right now, In my room...feeling the dull and the boredom of my hometown.
Today is the day that i finally felt that i cant fuckin stand it here.
Some of my girl mate told me that i would gain some difficulty into having a relationships with a local girl!.

My confidence was quit okay, but today since i havent found anyone that matches my eye and heart. i feel retard and suddenly my confidence was dropped dramatically.
Well anyhow, 1 week from now on i will be in Japan!
9 days vacation should be great for me!

Should have a lot of fun before entering the year of myself (PIG).
wish me luck for my trip and hopefully i will have the oppurtunity to meet new people!. fresh one obviously, aint jerks, aint fuckin hypocrites and whatsoever that have anything to do with royale asses.

i was wondering when will i leave this town? will i ever? that's the question that really need to be answered!

i got to stay funky, strong and cool!
Anyhow, thats all the boring stuff about me. cause i am living in a boring place as well and having a rotation life that goes the same shit with the same person!
I hate the routine GODD!

my life isnt as chalengging as before!
What is i gon do?

Ask Why?...

2006-09-19T09:30:00.000+10:00

Okay firstable i promised before that i will kept writing my journal...Well..
I tell you what, i have been vacuum for nearly 5 months...Why?
instead of writing, i was reading a lot, to improve my writing skills in da future (my wish).
To be frankly, my english kinda sux these day, cause dont have anyone to talk in English.

people in here are so fuckin arrogant and shit! there is no fuckin way that i can be mates with those pussies. Well i have news! guess what? I hate it heree!! I cant take this shit no moreee!!!
But as a consequences of the fact that i have taken i have to live with it and face it.
Therefore, i have been such a lazy ass myself!

I couldnt sleep at night, i have some kind of paranoia or you might call insomniacs shit! i might turn myself into some maniac! if i couldnt change my habit.
Oh yeah, for another information i am lone ranger!
i have nobody to fuck with nor to be passionate with like i used to.
am i become so that lame?

Here is the thing, my knowledge became isolated because i have been living in this shit hole!
i know nothing about current issues or whatsoever!. the damn thing that i am sure know of is current gossips of some pathetic people in here!.
Thus, i asked myself! Am i happy at being here? there you go.. you got the answe mate
So this time blogging, i dont have any such valuable knowledge to share with nor any story of mine.. cause my life is DULL!

the only thing that matters to me is my parents.
thats all i got to think about!
maybe i need to get laid to overcome my circumstances!
i wouldnt have thunk like this if i will get some ass!
aint you guys agree?
being lonely is the shittest thing,
being random is the lamest thing to do

i have no clue what in da world am i living!
so excuse my french, i have been cussing a lot in this blog.
Next episode of my story will be a lot more interesting than this one..
meanwhile, i have to sleep and gain my ration for another sequel of my boring life
Later later!

I am still at there...

2006-04-12T03:34:00.000+10:00

things are obviously like a rock bottom, my life has been a roller coaster..
I have already been here for about a month or so, suddenly my father fainted when he was praying. right now i am in Singapore..

my father will have some medical check up in national university hospital.
i am quite content with what i am doing in Indo, i got a good job, and i started my own stuff with no one bugging me, i got friends that care about me...even though that i have lost her.
its okay, i know that patient will lead me to somewhere,
remember everything happend for a reason

all i have to do is just stick to my goal, earn money and money..
avoid bad people..
trust myself, trust my inner senses..
and if i conduct these principle..i know that everything i ask i shall receive..

I will rise, and i will kick some butt..

Graduation

2006-03-07T01:54:00.000+11:00

The day i am going to the ceremony, it is going to be my last day to be in Sydney.
I have been good right now, everything is quite normal these day. cause i force myself to be in a state of my mind.

There are so many things that i wanna do when i am going back.
my number 1 priority is to focus to myself, to find happiness and to be more content on what will i am going to conduct.

I will always remember the rules of the engagement that taught by my fellows mate.
nothing will go wrong this time, cause me myself that control me. no one else!
So i wanted to say goodbye to everyone that read my post.
i will chase my dream, my goal, my passion, my love and my future.
i believe that with dignity and will i can do whatever i wanna achieve.
In the deep, i will raise and stand by myself.

Thanks to Sydney, and someday and somehow i will have my way to be in here again

Certainly

2006-02-28T01:33:00.000+11:00

Its official that i am going for good after my graduation day.
I dont know who will read my blog but i hope my class mate does.
One thing that i wont forget is our journey from first semester till fourth, i am so glad that i had the chance to know all of you guys individually.

The reason i am going back for good is because of the financial problem.
But i will come back again if everything is settled, meanwhile i will be working and find a job.
I know that i am going to miss Sydney so much, but i got my personal issue that i have to deal with. Life has been tough to me, This year is going to be a testing year for me!
I realized that i am not strong enough to face such circumstances, i have to build and shape my will in order to be success,

So many things happend this february and all of it is a bad one, i am so dissappointed to myself. I didnt give up the study, i am just taking a break due to my family`s condition as well. so dont take me wrong all of you, There are only 3 things that i wanna do, be patient, be strong, and be hard working!. I will keep myself busy,

My life is very sux and to be honest i even hate myself!.
I know that i couldnt ask for advise and share it with all of you guys.
i am so lost and sometimes i wonder what do i have to do to have a happiness life.
I dont even know what to say, my heart and my mind collapse!.

I am very soft hearted kind of guy and sensitive.
I need to change my personality become more mean and bad person.
Everyday i pray for miracle that someday i will find my way that lead me to the happiness.

Now i know that i aint nothing!. but i will be anything that i want, when the time is ready....
i will be unstoppable, nothing can stop me to achieve something!.
Truly and certainly i am feeling blue, lost, confused. there is no happiness around me!.
I cant say no more....
I will thorough though....

None

2006-02-18T12:28:00.000+11:00

Saya kembali seperti dulu lagi.
Apa yang paling aku ga inginkan terjadi, aku udah memutuskan untuk for good.
karena aku kehilangan seseorang dan aku ga bisa nerima itu.
Kenapa setiap relationship harus berakhir dengan sama.. saya harus memulai semuanya dr awal untuk memenangkan hati kamu lagi, saya ga yakin saya bisa....

saya pasrah, apalagi yang bisa saya lakukan?
toh kamu ga pernah meliat usaha saya sebagai sesuatu yang sangat menyentuh.
hargailah apa yang telah terjadi bukan melepaskannya.
aku ga bisa percaya lagi apa yang kamu katakan kepada saya..
semua wanita sama..
kamu ga mau jujur terhadap saya...aku ga tau apa isi hati kamu sebenarnya.
saya bingung... dan begitu juga engkau.

ga ada nafsu, ga ada semangat..setiap ari memikirkan kamu.. berharap apa yang kamu katakan itu semua adalah mimpi..
perasaan udah ga ada lagi...udah kosong...kenapa? apa karena berantam bisa begitu?
toh kita banyak agree ama sesuatu.bukankah bagusan kita omongin? jadi kamu lebi prefer gw ga senang gw diam2 aja?
baiklah, mulai sekrg.. gua bakalan nerima semuanya n diam2 kalo gw ga senang ama sesuatu.

aku kira kamu mau bahagiain aku, tetapi sepertinya ga begitu lama..
takutlah sesuatu apabila hanya karena masalah gitu kita pisah.
sepertinya kamu ga peduli..
apalagi yang bisa saya perbuat? hanya menunggu detik tiap detik buat kamu semakin muak ama gw.
gw mau kuat...tetapi ini sama saja seperti yg lalu..dmana hati gw hancur.
apa yang harus saya perbuat? tell me.

toh finally kita udah meliat sapa yg for real n sapa yg gak.

On Hold.....

2006-02-15T04:30:00.000+11:00

Everything is a mess...
Dull and got pissed everyday with my girl friend. since its kinda not interesting topic of my entry for this episode.. i will write it in indo since that i wanted her to read it some day in the future.
since she doesnt understand english at all..

But to recap all of what had happend, i would just say that i already got my result of Insearch and i got 69 WAM, 1 D, 4 credit and 1 pass. its a bit dissappointing for me. but hey? life goes on. i might study in other aura of uni. i might move to another country instead of staying in aussie.
it depend on my parents anyway cause they are the one that support me financially, so i have to wait till the graduation day on April then i will see what will my parents got to say.

Ok so this it how it goes with my girl friend.
Indonesia mode on.
kecewa, terhina, dan merasa sia2 semuanya.
gua kira kamu bisa menjadi orang yg bisa ngertiin gw.. but seems like kamu ga mengenal saya sama sekali.
life is waiting, tetapi taukah? untuk menunggu kabar dr loe aja gw harus sampe wasting my own time. apakah hal sepeleh gini saja sulit utk kamu penuhi? since aku bisa mikir yg bukan2 and curiga or bahkan khwatir ama keselamatan kamu.

Telepon kamu rusak, aku mengerti....
sepertinya apa yg aku mau kamu ga bakalan bisa penuhi.
kita liat aja gmana tar, gw udah capek ga mo mikirin loe lagi krn aku ngerasa begok menunggu kamu tapi kamu sendiri ga ada usaha buat nanyain kabar gw.
hari ini valentines day tetapi sikap kamu macam ga menunjukan aku ini ur bf, seems like u had another one in there.
anyway, i am tired ok. aku bukanlah manusia complex, i know what i am, aku tau apa yg gw bilangin.. mungkin kedengeran sinis and kekanak2an..tapi aku bisa begitu juga krn aku banyak berharap aku bs spend my time ama kamu di valentines day.

aku juga bisa semakin ilfeel ok..bukan kamu aja..
kamu harus ingat itu.
kamu udah terlalu sering melukai aku n kecewain diri aku.

Chinese New Year

2006-02-05T19:40:00.000+11:00

So on 23rd January we finished our exam, officialy i can say that i am graduated from Insearch. which is awesome. The night we all spent together for the last time in Fujiya, Karaoke Green Box. It was fun. One of the best night ever, coz we were like 20 or more people gathering together.

29th of Jan is a Chinese New Year, its the year of fire dog, which is good. since my chinese zodiac is a pig (2007 is a pig year) i would really hope that 2006 will be a better year for me than previous year. The CNY went pretty sux, coz i was sick real bad, i had fever and sore throat. i was fighting with the pain while others of my mate having a good time in a fancy restaurant.
Jealousy is all the feeling i had.

31st January is my birthday, i am 22 right now, not so happy during my bet day. again.,, cause i havent cured from the sore throat. i have been eating a congee for a week. so sad, cause i couldnt do anything during my good holiday.
i am sure that every mate had a good time, except me.

But today i feel great, finally i am 100% back like normal before, i have been waiting for a moment like this. tonight i am going to friends birthday in tony romas, i hope it willbe great, and i am not gonna eat fried food, and no smoking for a moment. i have to be sure that i am already fit like i used to be.

Anyway i wanna go back to Indonesia. since i dont have anything to do in here. i hope i could get a job but i am not sure about that. just see how it goes, my result on 10th february.
i have to apply for the UTS very soon. i wish everything will go smoothly this year,
I miss Insearch so much.....

Worry?

2006-01-10T11:23:00.000+11:00

my perception about life has changed dramatically.
after all, i am not so wasted when i was in Indo
i could see that my parents are getting old.. very old..sometimes i feel sorry for them..
i realized that my parents love me so much, even though sometimes they are really nagging

These day, i could see a lot of relatives of mine facing a lot of problem.
due to the unbalanced economic of our country,
it`s very hard to start a new business, and if you work you`ll get only 200 aussie dollar a month'
that`s not enough!

One of my best friend that i have known since i was 5 years old is currently unemployed, he was graduated from Perth Curtin. He told me that he has to start a mobile phone shop by himself because he couldnt get a decent job in Jakarta.
I heard that the competition of hunting job is real damn hard
i was psyched!..

I can see why eveyone gathered into the Capital city of Indo (Jakarta) to bet for a better life
and i heard that most of the stuffs including food and shit is more expensive than in other city.
it confuse me what to do for my better life.
i wish i could look at my future before i make a beneficial decision!
Life is great in Sydney, but the distances between my parents, my girl friend and my mate makes me think a lot.

i need more friends to optimize my ability and give me an inspiration!
cause i really care about friendship.
But one thing that i know for sure..
Never involved money into the friendship
Money can harm anyone, everyone even your own brother..
Money can be a dangerous thing!

The problem with me is that i am easily adapted with a new friends.
even if i know he bitch for 1 day, we can talk and having a conversation like we have known each other for about years!.
thats what i hate of my attitude!.
I need to be someone who doesnt care about anything.
i care too much about others!. that sometimes i feel so weak like pussy

i still dont have a clue what`s best for myself.
after i graduate from Insearch, i`ll start a new journey to be a better Zico
I mean a new me!

The Year of fire

2006-01-08T23:54:00.000+11:00

I am back, and feel giulty with my group mate for not being able to come earlier to help them.
I have so many things to tell. but to put it in words? hmm.. let me try the bold and simple way.
The reason i have to skip my first week of school because of the circumstances i faced with my parents.

I went back on 15th of December 2005,

The 1st Day,
My feeling was aight till the night something happend to me, i was driving with my brother and my girl friend at 11 p.m (it was on my way home). When i was trying to pass the other side of road ( U-Turn ) there was a hole, and to be quite frankly i am not quite familiar with my hometown road, i need my friend as my navigator at my side to guide how to go from one place to another. my car was busted in a Very deep hole, and you guys know what? it was raining. Good God!...

But we were survived because of the help of the people over there, but the impact of that, i was banned from driving...my parents wouldnt allowed me to drive anymore.. because of the engine of my car was burnt, it was 2005 ford everest car.. and they were so pissed to me. Well it was an accident. and my girl friend have to pay the price as well, my parents are not letting me go out with her anymore, since she`s living a bit far from my house!.

So the next day i have to depend on my friend to pick me up!.
things are getting better when Shoichiro my Japanese friend that i have known since i was in Sydney came to my hometown just to see me and my brother. It was only four days before he went back to Nagoya. but we had fun a lot!.

in the week 2, things are getting really hard. My parents didnt give me enough money to go out, i was banned from driving and sometimes when i was going out with my friends i have to depend on my girl friend to help me financially, It was so pathetic. I am so embarresed! but i have to understand since my father is unemployed for almost 6 months.

Well, I got to be honest about this. My father jobs is dirty, easy money, easy go. Yeah..Casino, gambling!. since the SBY appointed as the President of Indonesia. gambling was banned!. and my father had to look after his second job, Travel agency. now we have to depend on that.

i was supposed to be back in Sydney after the week 2, but my parents decided to take all of us to hide in our house in the up hill. it was 2 hours far from the city. it was called Green Hill, 6 month earlier it was the biggest casino ever made in Indonesia i think. i can say that Green Hill=Las Vegas. so we stayed there for about a week and i have to be away from my girlfriend which is absolutely sucks.

6 month ago when i went to Green Hill, it was so crowded. but when i went there again with my family. it was so empty, dry and so fuckin dull!. i hate the government policy that has to close the Casino. (there were a lot of hot chix before). things are so dangerous over there, every midnight there will be a patroly of the police to check each Ville one by one to bust someone ass that caught was on the middle of gambling. if you were caught you have to pay 10.000 Aussie dollar or even more. depend on how the gambling went on!.

So i can say that my holiday is a little bit of dull, i have to be in the uphill where there is no one anymore. and i have to be with the old man all the time ( my dad`s mate). All the time i spend my time is just to eat and eat...So dont be surpise when you guys notice me that i am getting fatter and shitter!.

One day, me, my bro and my girlfriend went to fortune teller because of the desperation. surprisingly i never believe in such thing.. but the lady that tell our future says everything quite right. one of the thing she said is that, i`ll be getting married when i am 25. hehe..we`ll see about that aight!. now i am 22..

right now i am happy that i am in Sydney, i can start doing my final semester and proudly graduated and make my parents happy. there were too much complaining from my parents. it gave my head ache and my morale was kicked so hard.. i know that they are hoping that one day i can be a succesfull man.. and i always believe that i will do my best!.
But first I got to help Dong hee and others group mate to accomplish our goal!.
I`ll tell more to you guys in person!.

now i just want to close my eye, and think of a good things!.
i got to believe!. believing is all i need!

Before-After

2005-12-10T19:52:00.001+11:00

This is the Governer of California State..Mr Arnold..

A brave cat

2005-12-10T19:49:00.000+11:00

I wonder what happend next to the cat...Feel free to give your comment...

Aye Poem!

2005-12-04T13:02:00.000+11:00

1)
I have a pen
My pen is blue
I have a friend
I stabbed him to death with my pen.

2)
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Actually I don’t any more
Thanks to modern astronomy
Which has destroyed all my youthful illusions
You bastards.

3)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Thank you, Captain Obvious.

4)
This is a haiku
This line, seven syllables
But this one has five.

5)
This is a poem
It’s a bloody good poem
I’m a good poet
Ok, that’s all for now
Later......

100 question

2005-12-04T02:41:00.000+11:00

1. FULL NAME: Zico Chiuman
2. NICKNAMES: Zic, Zizi, Co, muka buntu, etc
3. EYE COLOR: eerrrr....brown? not sure
4. HEIGHT: 178 cm, i`m quite happy with God`s gift.
5. HAIR: Copper Brown, but naturally is black
6. SIBLINGS: Na...
7. DO YOU LIKE TO SING IN THE SHOWER: Hell No, that sounds 80`s
8. DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR: No Fuckin Way
9. BIRTH DATE: January 31st
10. ADDRESS: Sussex street
11. CITY: Shitney
12. STATE: NSW
13. SEX: male with balls
14. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: righty!
15. WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: Loyalty, Honesty and trust
16. HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED: Sure did, thats why i got pissed with biatch
17. DO YOU HAVE YOUR LICENSE: Yes, in my country
18. DO YOU HAVE A CAR: Not now, i am still using my parents car.

Favorites:
19. MOVIES: I love movie that basically based on true story, such as Remember the titans, Friday night lights and Perfect Storm. stuff like that..the reason is simple, because by something that had happend in the past. we can learn something from it. I love historical thing, as a result i am a big fan of Muhammad Ali or you may say Howard Hughes. I wanna be tough like Ali and rich like Hughes..but it wont happend in my life :P

20. SONGS: I used to love a Rock music a lot, but because of most of the Japz friends i hang out with, i started to listen to J POP till today. Although i dont understand about the language but the beat and the chorus sounds damn right and tight. X Japan Rocks!

21.FAVORITE SINGER: Well, i only can come up with one person..Gavin Rossdale. a husband of Gwen Stefani and used to be a band of Bush!

22. FAVORITE TV SHOW(s): I like punk`d hosted by Ashton Kutcher, Apprentice and Survivor.

23. ACTOR: Denzel Washington, Robert Deniro, Samuel L Jackson, etc
24. ACTRESS: Uma Thurman, urggg
25. FOOD: Bulgogi, Katsu Curry, Sushi etc2
26. NUMBER: always and always gonna be 6, it means lucky for me
27. CARTOON: Southpark, Madagascar, Shark Tale and etc
28. DISNEY CHARACTER: Toy Story?

Love Life:
29. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED: yeah in 2009 hopefully,
30. HOW OLD DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST CHILD: when it is 2011, it is the year of Rabbit. i believe in Chinesse Horoscope shit
31. HOW OLD DO YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED?: 2009 or 2011

32. WOULD YOU HAVE KIDS BEFORE MARRIAGE: I hate kids...they are so annoying
33. DO YOU HAVE A BF/GF: Yes sir
34. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH: yeahhh.
35: GUYS/GIRLS: i love booty...u figure what i mean
36. Believe in love at first site? Maybe..
37. Have you been in love? Yeah..
38. Any regrets? Never...

39. What kind of guy/girl do you look for? Long hair, Tall one, buxom type of a chix is my cup of tea.

40. Ever find her? What in the blue are u saying?
41. If so .. Whats her name? Valencia
42. Do you think theres only one person in the world for you? Well i always believe that there is always a love triangle in a person`s life. jealousy, hatred thats all about Love..

ME ME ME:
43. WEIRD SAYING: Heng Hong
44. FAVORITE SAYING: pelacur jadah
45. WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO: Insearch UTS
46. HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN DRUGS: Once in a life time..
47. WHAT'S A MAJOR TURN ON FOR YOU: When she`s dancing like Emily Rose
48. HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE: Kiss on da lips should be aight

THE PERSON YOU KNOW WHO IS:
49. MOST BLONDE: Hmm.. Yaya?
50. BEST PERSON: Andre Pitoy
51. NICEST: All my buddies
52. FUNNIEST: Andre Pitoy.
53. STRANGEST: Donny
54. WHICH 6 PEOPLE ARE YOU OPEN WITH AND TRUST THE MOST?: my mate and my family.
55. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SOUL MATES: someone that you can trust for life
56. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU CRIED WITH:my girlfriend

57. ARE YOU HAPPY: Just so so

58. WHAT IS AN OBJECT YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT: uh...computer?

59. LOVE OR LUST: Both

60.TRUST OR HONESTY: BOTH, those two are important for me.

61. SILVER OR GOLD: Silver
62. DIAMOND OR PEARL: Pearl
63. SUNSET OR SUNRISE:Sunrise baby..
64. HAVE YOU EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: nahhh!
65. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS OR REGULAR ANIMALS: no..
66. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS: Nah

67. WHAT COLOR UNDIES/BOXERS/BREIFS ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW: What do you care ?
68. WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: Bonnie Pink
69. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER: 1234
70. WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON: Europe for sure, 71. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: EYES...and appearance

72:WHAT'S YOUR FAVORTIE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: historical stuff

73. FAVORITE SPORT: Basketball

74. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY: the fact that i live my life to the fullest

75. WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET: Limewire software please

76. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES: Both

77. WHAT'S THE BEST ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU: Never lie to Mum and Dad hahaha

78. HAVE YOU EVER WON ANY SPECIAL AWARDS: MVP when we won the basketball championship in my high school..scores 26 point.

79. WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE GOALS: Simple, be like Trump

80. WORST SICKNESS YOU EVER HAD: Pain of surgery
81. DO YOU LIKE FUNNY OR SCARY MOVIES BETTER: Both! I am a movie lover

82. ON THE PHONE OR IN PERSON: in person...
83. HUGS OR KISSES: Hugs

84. WHAT SONG SEEMS TO REFLECT YOU THE MOST: X Japan songs
85. MICHAEL JACKSON/R.KELLY: R Fuckin Kelly
86. DO YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES: everyone has their enemy
87. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR: failure..

88. WOULD YOU RATHER BE RICH OR FAMOUS: Rich of course, why do i have to be famous if i dont have a money? I wanna be rich without anyone notice about it. so i dont have to loan those two face fuckers nothing.

89: IF YOU DIED TOMORROW- WHO WOULD YOU LEAVE EVERYTHING TO?: my family...and my future wife.

90. IF YOU HAD 24 HOURS LEFT TO LIVE, WHO WOULD YOU SPEND THAT TIME WITH: my love

91. DO YOU WANNA DIE IN YOUR SLEEP OR A DIFFERENT WAY: sleep...

92. IF E.T. KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR HOLDING UP A PEACE SIGN ASKING TO USE YOUR PHONE WHAT WOULD YOU DO: I would take my camera and then sell the pictures and the next morning I am Rich!

93. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO THE PERSON YOU LIKED? just now.

94. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: Chi Hua Hua
95:WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL: Chi Hua Hua
96. ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC: Kumsi Kumsa
97. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Betha
98. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT PERSON: i think she's smart
99.WHEN DID YOU BECOME FRIENDS: A long time ago
100. DID YOU LIKE THIS SURVEY: Its dull and wasting my time.

Sometimes i really hate people

2005-12-01T00:20:00.000+11:00

I’m going through one of those phases where I shut myself up at home and don’t go out, and don’t really do anything, either. I mean, socialization is overrated. My friends think I’ve been ignoring them on the internet, my parents are worried that I’ve fallen off the face of the earth, and my roommate must secretly suspect I’m a vampire or something. You know, from time to time it seems like a lot of effort to go out and meet people and chit chat - what’s the point and all? I might as well stay at home and play video games and watch dvd. At least my television isn’t always judging me, right?

I wouldn’t say I’m antisocial or anything, but I certainly can get that way at times. People are weird, man, especially at this school. I just looked up from my typing, and there’s this really skittish guy sitting opposite me who’s furtively glancing at everyone in the lab. If he wasn’t typing feverishly and reading stuff to himself, I’d guess he was perusing the great internet porn shoppe. There’s a girl sitting next to me who’s kind of cute, but I’m not going to talk to her, because I’m not creepy like that.

You know the best reason for hating everyone? By hating everyone I automatically become cooler than everyone else. The rules of despising people is that by doing it, you automatically put yourself in the position of coolness. This is awesome. Since I’m implicitly scared that they’ll think I’m not cool enough for them, I can pre-empt this by telling myself how much they suck. Which they do. Now, if you excuse me, I have to get back to my instant noodles and my drama series. Seriously, I must be like the coolest person on the earth.

100 things about women

2005-12-01T00:01:00.000+11:00

Read this on Maxim. Some are funny, some are true, but most are just fun to read. The ones in red are applicable to most women.

100 Things You Need to Know About Women

You know not to forget her birthday and that her favorite flowers are purple tulips. But you need the complete list. Please use it responsibly. Maxim, November 2005

100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.

97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.

96. Jewelery. Now you always knkow what to get her for a last-minute gift.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Claire, 27

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled.

84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.

83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.

80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.

78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Erin, 21

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.

69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”

66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.

63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.

62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.

59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35

58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.

57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22.

53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.

52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.

46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.

45. Twenty-three percent of this magazine’s readers are women.

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.

40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.

39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.

36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Caroline, 28

35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

34. Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Ani DiFranco song. It’s only about four minutes long.

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!

32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.

26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Elena, 28

12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.

11. She likes one of your friends.

10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?

3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12. (what do they say? divide the guy's number by three but multiply the woman's by three?)

Funny ey!

A very true things about life

2005-11-22T11:29:00.000+11:00

Why does people have to be so selfish? this i dont fully understand.
they tend to take advtange of other people`s weaknesses
as people who lives in the same world and same society we should help each other
Yet, there are still a lot of back stabber living around us.

There is a quote that i read a long time ago
"You cant force people to like/love you, But all you can do is to make yourself to be loved"
it sounds very simple and i think it is very true.

Once, people said to me that to be a better person you have to be humble.
This i dont agree with.
I am a big fan of Muhammad Ali, and i have read his book and documentary film about his amazing life. I was not a big fan of boxing before, But i think his perception of life and his courage had an impact on me.

Ali -"If You`re Great As I Am, Its very hard to be humble".
He can say that because he is "The Greatest".
but i am starting to believe his wisdom of words.

There are only two rules in this world.
1. If you are somebody (made people), everyone gonna kiss your ass that include respect. in a simple way to put it here: If you rich i am going to call you my boss, if you are broke motherfucka, fuck off and dont even think that i am going to talk with ya.

thats life...how cruel is that

2. If you are just a simply commoners, well, people wont take a notice about you. for the rest of your life you are going to be treated like shit(rubbish). Well you can try to kiss someone`s asses but it wont do any good!. Have your pride!

I have a funny story, i had a friend once said that he ought to be someone`s Dog rather than to turn himself into God. Do you guys want to know what his stupid reason?
If you go to pray and talk to God. You aint get shit!.
But if you lick some balls you`ll get a free food/drinks everytime you are with him/her

WTF? in my mind i said. Where is your fuckin PRIDE you dumb fuck!
just because you want to be treated all the time you lost your fuckin mind!
What happen with people nowadays?
I started to believe that its impossible to find someone who is sincere and true to theirselves

I rather have one or two friends and they are real and speak whatever they believe and not being fake!.
I dont need a bunch of hypocrites to be around me to entertain my ass. yet, they have a bad intention behind their mind.

Why am i writting this thing? i know all of you must have had experience this kind of circumstances as well. To be honest i am sick and tired of those kind of people!
I met a lot of hypocrites during my early year. trust me!. i know what i am saying!.
Every where, Every corner, Every side, wherever...there are still a lot of hypocrites!.

As i said before, there is nothing you can do to change their attitude. All you have to do is just simple, "Stay Away and dont make friends with them" .
lock yourself inside otherwise you will be in a lot of problem if you stick with those people.

"Never judge a book by its cover rang a hell of a bell to my mind"
There 2 difference between Asian and Westerner!
Asian- At first they are not going to trust you and get suspicious easily with you. but at the end after you show some prove and sincerity they are going to have a faith. Thats Asian thinking

Westerner- They are going to trust you at first and at the end they are not going to trust you, if you made them pissed by your attitude or whatever!.

to conclude, Asian- Suspicious first and then trust you!, Westerner- Trust you at first and ban you for life is the next action!

for my personal choice i rather make friends with International people, why? because they are open minded! and definitely not a gossiper nor back stabber. If you made mistake everyone gonna curse your ass in Indonesia and will assume that you are not an ass! No second chance mate! fuckin unfair!. this is how it works in Indo Society, once you fuck up you will be thrown into a lonely world!.

For information, i`m not trying to degrade Asian, but my Asian definition is my people of my country. I am not talking about Japanese, Korean, Thai. etc.
All i am saying, Asian=Indo"fuck"nesian!.
I am not being racist or whatsoever But i am Indonesian and i know how my people thinks! i can dig their shit!. To be honest i am shame to be Indonesian!. I am not saying that all Indonesian are shit but majority of them are hypocrites!.

I dont have to say their name, but look around you..and ask youself " Are they for real?"
thats that all i got to say!

History Lesson

2005-11-22T11:22:00.000+11:00

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird!

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Both and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh?

Romantic Countries in dA World!!

2005-11-16T10:46:00.000+11:00

H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies

I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.

L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.

F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End

C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.

B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always

N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.

I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration

K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction

K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity

E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing

M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always

P.E.R.U. - Phorget Everyone... Remember Us.

T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D - Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull

A small truth to make our lives 100%

2005-11-13T01:38:00.000+11:00

if
A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is equal to
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
then

hardwork = H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% only
knowledge = K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% only
love = L+O+V+E = 12+15+22+5 = 54% only
luck = L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47% only
(aint most of us think this is the most important???)

then whaT maKes 100% ?
is iT moneY? ...... no
leaDersHip? ...... no

eVery problem has a solution, only if
We perhaps cHange ouR aTTitude. to gO t0 The top, To thaT 100%.

wHat we Really neeD tO Go fuRtheR, alil'biT moRe.......

attitude = A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
iT Is our aTTituDe toWards life anD woRk thaT makes ouR liFe 100%

Every one who dares to dream to be extraordinary, will become One

2005-11-02T00:05:00.000+11:00

in making money:

accept the fact, that once u know u can make money, greed will come to haunt you.
your pride is unleashed and one night victory can kill the humility in you. get a grip on yourself you never know how ambitious you are, how cruel you can be
until u taste how good it is to be on top of the world

never tell yourself that u've made it to the top
because there is no such thing as an overnight success
tonight you might be a billionaire and in a speed of a blink, you realised that u have lost everything that u earned

your true measure of capability is not defined by how much money you have in your bank account, now u can be totally broke now
but you know that tomorrow you are going to turn the table arround

no matter how genius you are
no matter how brilliant the business idea tat u have
no matter how confidence you are that one day you are going to conquer the world
if you never taste how it feels like to be at the most undignified position
if you never know the term submission to the authority
if you never learn the term dedication in doing the least important job
just screw yourself because you lose the first step already

in relationship:

the key in relationship is time
learn as much, while you still have the time
dont trust every word that your loved one say until they are being proven overtime
dont declare love if you have not seen your lover at his or her lowest turning point,or the "before" version
dont dwell in toxic relationship, eventhough you still love the person, time will heal
it can be the right person, it is not always the right time

in friendships:

classify your friends in groups
those whom you allow to see your outer skin
those whom you allow to see you heart
those whom you pour your heart into
those for fun (Hi-Bye Friends)
those for life (Soul Mate)

in studying:

screw your ego, dont pursue education JUST BECAUSE
you think that a particular degree from a particular university will earn you an acknowledgement from your society
your worth is just as far as how much you value your self
pursue your passion and by doing that you know you accomplish the true education

in the search for truth:

keep searching until you have no more doubt in your faith
search with desperation and obsession, i'm serious!
once you find the truth, hold unto it.
keep believing and following eventhough the road is rocky
i can testify that GOD never fails me yesterday, today and tomorrow

in enjoying life:

what's the point of having million bucks in your bank account but you are not spending it for your personal pleasure?
Asians, learn from Westerners, will ya!! splurge urself if you dont want to get heart attack too soon

in treating yourself:

love yourself, dont be a narcist though, respect yourself, value yourself highly
the way you treat yourself will be a measure on how others will treat you
if you have a low self-esteem
you are more likely to accept bad treatment from others
because your security comes from other people recognition
you deserve to be treated with respect by everyone and anyone
but in return, treat others with respect and show everyone your kind appreciation

walk with your chest up, look at other people in the eye and speak up your mind
dont look down on other people, even the weakest one has a story to tell
but dont think that other people are too high to reach
even Kings have soft side that you can touch

Last but not least, live your life to the fullest

All She Need

2005-11-01T19:15:00.000+11:00

vAlenCiA

I miss you, it hurts so bad
every thought of you consumes me, makin' me miss you
every single moment

I feel you when u aren't even there
This distance between us is so unfair
I need u with me, I need ur touch
I want u so bad, I miss u so much
my weakness for you, is predictably growing stronger

I don't wanna be selfish
I don't wanna scheme
but i can't tell you to come back now
I'm not going to do that

I just wish i had you here, had you in sight
I wonder that u're thinking
or even miss me
but all i know is i miss you, and it's you all i need

written by Valencia on 25th August 2005

Blogger Evolution

2005-10-28T22:47:00.000+10:00

When i mean blogger, i meant the person doing the blogging... aka ME.

Or in the context of this rather unfriendly blog entry, that guy out there who so desperately wants to impress others.

Not unlike me... But i'm less ugly in every way.

There was a point in time when i first started blogging where it meant everything to me to have people reading what i write.

I religiously checked my webcounter to see how many people visited my blog, how many of them liked what i wrote, how many chose to leave a comment.

Then suddenly...

Gone... no more of that desire. Now i don't even bother to correct my webcounter that's been down for months.

I no longer care if anyone reads this anymore. What's important now is that i wrote it.

HOWEVER!

There is this guy out there who so DESPERATELY wants his blog to be read that he publishes his blog address everywhere!!!

I mean... What the hell?!. Everyone who sees it know you're putting it there with the sole purpose of attracting readers.

BUT NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You leave it on every single damn website that has a forum which you participate! Like come on!!!

This just says a lot about why you're blogging... You want to be known. You want recognition. You want to be seen as intellectual...

Basically you want to be known as the person who ISN'T the true you...

... and all these is for???

Your insatiable appetite for SEX, that's what!

It may seem appealing to anyone, but we know you and we know what you've been doing and what you've done before. I can even list out exactly what your steps are!

1) Get some girl to read your blog
2) Make her think you're intellectual and a great guy
3) Impress her with your phoney bullshit till she leaves a comment
4) Communicate with her and get her contact
5) Meet her and impress her even if she looks like a giraffe
6) SCREW HER... again and again...

Why?!?! Because you don't have enough money from your waitering job to go to King Cross and pay for fuck... So get a FUCKFRIEND to keep fucking for free.

Ho ho ho!! So it sounds way too ridiculous...

Well if all goes well for you, then very good. Have your fun while it lasts...

But my advice for you?

CAN'T YOU JUST GROW UP?!?!?!

dedicated to some fuckers out there, you know who you are!

My small shrine for X Japan

2005-10-28T22:21:00.000+10:00

The story of X and X Japan is a long and complicated one. The introduction that I'm about to give is just to cover roughly the 15 years of X life.

Who are they?

X Japan was one of the most influential Japanese rock bands of all time. If you ask around, chances are most people would say that they are the founder of JRock and Yoshiki, the leader, was the father of visual kei. I dare not say that this is completely true, though I believe it is nearly there ^^ Why? Pardon me if Im wrong, but as far as I know, X was one of the first of very few Rock bands which managed to get mainstream audience and not just went Indies. I remember during their time there was a band called, BOOWY or B'z or Buck Tick *can't remember which, all starts with a 'B'* which was also quite popular. *shrugs* anyone out there knows about it?

Yeah, continuing with my story, X Japan, which original name was just 'X', was founded in 1982. However, it was not until 1986 that the two original founders, Yoshiki and Toshi, managed to get permanent members, hide and Pata and Taiji, and started to be heard more. X's music was highly aggressive according to the standard of the mainstream audience at that time, thus they were having difficult time getting recording deal. Once they did *read Yoshiki's biography for more information* they started to get more and more audience and their songs soon were found on major top charts which usually covered the JPop scene only.

In 1992, X held their first Tokyo Dome concert, Hamettsu ni Mukatte, which is also known as 'On the Verge of Destruction' concert. What's so amazing about this concert is that it is the first ever concert to be held in Tokyo Dome. Before X, Tokyo Dome were never been used as a concert venue, thus X became more famous because of this.

The concert was immediately followed by departure of the band's talented bassist, Taiji *read Taiji biography for more info* in around February. X recruited a new bassist in August 1992, Heath had joined the band. At the same time, X changed its name to X Japan. The reason was because they wanted to go international and break the US market. At that time there was already a band in the US which was also called X, so they changed the name to X Japan to avoid confusion.

X Japan continued to grow and become famous. They managed to capture the mainstream audience with their songs. However, they announced the disbandment of X Japan in 1997. The vocalist, Toshi, left the band in April due to some unknown reason. The band held their last concert, The Last Live in Tokyo Dome, December 1997 and it was a highly sad one. The concert was said to be a replica of the Dahlia Tour in 1995, but I believe that the Dahlia Tour did not have the crying atmosphere as The Last Live had.

X Japan disbandment was planned to be a temporary. Yoshiki wrote X's songs for Toshi's voice. Now that Toshi was gone, he and hide were planning to find a new vocalist and re-form X Japan in the year 2000.

However, a highly shocking incident happened in 1998. hide was found dead, hanging on a towel on a doorknob at his apartment in the morning of 2nd May. Yoshiki's dream of reuniting X Japan was dashed. Not only that, he grieved so much that he cut himself off from the media for one whole year, working behind the scene and did not plan to appear on the front stage again. hide's death brought many fans hysterical, there were some who committed suicide and many who tried unsuccessfully to do so.

X Japan had become a legend. It was like as if they laid the foundation of JRock. They had influenced the JRock world in a way that nobody has ever done. Even though they had disbanded years ago, their music is still alive. Yoshiki is working hard to release more X Japan things; the latest was the rare Art of Life DVD. They continue to attract new fans. As of myself, I was introduced to X Japan in 2002 and fell in love with them immediately.

New news

2005-10-26T11:16:00.000+10:00

I will be going home this December, I had ask a permission to Medina manager for having a holiday, she approved it. Yeah! Cant wait no more to meet my dear.

School Project is going to be tough this semester since this is my last chance to get 70 WAM, Me n my group member are doing Blood donation thing. Hopefully no obstacle gonna face us.

November is coming soon, which mean that i still have 1 month and a half to be in Sydney, then i`ll have a good holiday for couple of weeks, though i have to study when i will be in Medan.

Why am i so happy?
My parent wont allow me to go back since the currency of Rupiah to Dollar is so high. they wanted me to work in Medina and get a good money instead of going back. After several persuading, i convinced them that i really want to go back and they miss me so much. I believe that since the Indonesian Government has change their policy in the gambling n stuff which affects my Dad`s job and financial problem. Alll i have to do is to work hard and earn some money and take some Australian Dollar to use it when i will be in Medan.

I feel so bad for my parent, i hope i wont be so demanding and ask for the money for them, I am 21 years old and almost 22 next January. I got to be more independent.
Things between me and my girl friend going well. nothing much to say. She said that she`s going to wait for me till i am graduated.

Anyhow, This blogging thing is useful finally, I never thought that this blogging has nothing to do with Communication study. But what i found is that this semester. Russel our Lecturer is teaching how to blog which is not a new thing for me. Since i have been blogging for about a year.

Why Did i blog at first?
Well, I blog becoz I had a girlfriend that i had been together with for about 3 years. She left me heart broken, and honestly this blogsite is dedicated for her. But now it turn out to be my school project hahahah. Right now me and my ex is doing okay. A very close mate sometime that led to a jealousy to my current girlfriend. But i finally realized that Valencia (Cia2) is a lot better girlfriend that my ex.
I have no regret of losing my ex.

This is the new beginning of my life!
Till December then...

point blank

2005-10-06T23:55:00.000+10:00

I already got my result for the third semester.. quite unhappy with what i achieved. WAM 68 overal.. i need to get 70 fuck.. hope doing great for the fourth semester. Yesterday i enrolled everything in the morning class hopefully i`ll be more self managed and well organized in morning class..

15th December got to be my choice to go back to Medan, i`ll be in Medan for 15 days i guess or so.. Cant wait anymore to meet my cia.. eveything will be decided after we have been together.. i`m pretty quite sure its gotta be fun..hopefully..

I have given Be my notes, the funny thing is that.. she`s now in sadness, my bro and she always hook up together to talk about their circumstances in their relationships..

Work, been so fuckin tired during this holiday, work 20 hours more in a week. got a good paid, but the tax is so unfuckinbelievable, hopefully to get it in June 2006, i am planning to cut down my shift though in order to doing good in my final semester, but the problem is that my parent has a financial problem. they said, just try to be independent though i got a job. Yes, the thing is that i have a lot of bills to pay, fuck damn it. but hopefully i`m going to survive.. no more shopping n shit for a while. i was thinking to quit cigarette as well just to save more.

My relationship with Cia is going well recently, she really shows her passion, for instance like, she went nuts if i didnt reply her message, she`ll call me until i pick up the phone.. at least i am happy being with her.. although its only a long distance.

Friendship, Dre, Dru n others facing a lot of problems with their family+financial problem... they pretty much in a very low spirit at the moment.. Had an argument with them. because they said that i was changed a lot, and seem so cocky. Well it doesnt mean that i dont care about them..it just that i am busy with work and shit.. its true that i am happy at the moment.. so when we were chatting in msn.. of course we always talk shit n joke.. but the odd thing is that.. they cant accept a joke(insulting one), but they always say such things to me that i have to deal with that.. so unfair and childish..i thought they were cool and they already knew me for a decade..so why bothers if its only a joke? sometimes i dont understand those people who are in a low spirit under their circumstances..the rules.. if you dont wanna get insulted...dont start cursing, cause i`ll never start a bullshit otherwise they start it first..
dealo?

thats all about it then.. hopefully things wil get better to my friends..

break and broken

2005-09-17T02:49:00.000+10:00

Third semester had gone.. just finished the exam on monday..it was only 1 though..and its pretty straight forward question..aint got nothing to worry no more. the only thing that i can do is only just to work maybe..
i just bought a new ipod nano and new mobile phone panasonic vs3..
currently i am broke.. and having a long break..and if you can feel my heart my dear cia2.. my heart broken into pieces... the trauma..the pain.. the memory wont fade away?
is there something wrong with me?

if i am a really grown up person or matured kind of guy..i wont think about it..at least it wont be matter no more to me.. as long as you love me totally..but what in the blue..i am still doubt about you..

I always have a thought..how wonderful it was..if you never cheated on me..
how wonderful.. if i never found out..
Right now i am so scared to give you my heart..even though u tried ur bery best to convinced me that u got nothing to do with him no more..but still.. i believe that it was because.. he stop pursuing you.
i believe that..if someday in the future..if he keep pursuing you...its gonna be hard for you to reject him..if someday..i turn into asshole..you`ll be in his arm again..what i meant by asshole is that,... i will never forget and kept saying same shit and bringing up the same stuffs every single time

right now..i dont have faith to myself..that i can totally.. forget what u did to me.
it hurts like hell.. i became weak ass muthafucka..i hate this kind of feeling..
i love you so much dear.. you are the reason that i can move on ..i can face a lot of circumstances by myself..
i want to show you that..i deserve you..

by the time goes by..someday somehow..i will tell the story from the beginning..not based on how it was happend..but from the way how i remember it..

i know that..till today..you still have a slight feelings for him..i aint stupid or dumb..
i can feel it though..that u are not in love with me..
but the thing that i wanna do right now is that..i want to stop calling you everyday..
so you know that i can let you go..i know its hard and seems impossible for me to do so.
but i`ll try no matter how hard it is..

i really hope that you can find someone better than me..
that can accept you for who you are..or were..
someone that wont give a head about ur past..
simply..someone greater than me ..
this is the least thing that i can do..

I love you too much..my expectation is higher than anything that i ever want in this world..
but things has changed since you were busted..till then...
nite..my cia..

There and That......

2005-09-04T12:01:00.000+10:00

kurang lebih udah 3 bulan saya mengenal cia cia.. akhirnya semua drama udah terbongkar dari apa ketulusan dia selama ini. Jumat tanggal 2..hari pertama kerja saya, i called her when i got home and suddenly a guy answer the phone and says, I am cia`s boy friend. at first i thought it was just a joke. I said stop playing cause i dont have the mood. i am so fuckin tired, And Kyo told cia to tell me on da phone and tell me everything. but she didnt say a thing and i start to worried, The joke became a serious problem, and my heart was beaten and shaking like shit, I drop of my tears for the heart ache for the dissappointment that i got.

How could she do that to me? since i already gave my heart since from the start.
I couldnt understand why did she keep the relationship with him, afterwards Kyo took over cia`s mobile phone. the incidents was occured in Yenny`s home. After Cia left to her house...her friends was trying to calm me down..and 1 thing..i hate her friends... acting like shit when they were talk to me... dont fuckin hope that i will forgive them..my heart was break into pieces...because of her disloyalty..and unhonesty....Now my mind is swimming so hard..
I am asking to myself.. Does she really deserve my love.. while she was cheating behind my back..although that things has revealed by itself..still i am so unsatisfied..What the hell did i do wrong...that made her chose him rather than me..

I need time to rethink over and over again.. about the matters.. Does she ever really like me? does she ever consider how i felt?, could she be trusted anymore?, Will she ever take me seriously for what i had told her?, Lord..i am so pissed that i was cheated twice with the same heart ache.

I talked with kyo as well..and he told me everything..and he was heart broken as well..because he was intended to divorce with her wife..and be with cia..and..i am totally sure that cia will choose to be with him rather than me..if its happend that way..What a dumb ass i am..

At the moment.. cia is asking for a second chance from me..and the funny thing is that..i dont even understand what does she want?. is it a boy fren girl fren relationship or just like used to be? because she doesnt admit us...to kyo or others.. i was deceived by her words..Should i give her another chance or not?

Cia told me today as well..that She and Kyo met at sun plaza..and Kyo ask her...if two of us standing right here.. which one will you choose to be with?.. kyo says..if you keep silent..it mean you choose to be with him.. and cia kept silent... Cia told me..that she has chosen to be with me.. but her feeling for him is still there...cia still love him...but cia cares about me..and put a lot of hope for me.. i dont even know whether its true..and pure as she says it.. cause..no matter how hard i am gonna believe her...it just that i am scared to death..that she`s going to cheat behind my back again.

Am i gonna get hurt again in the future? if i give her a second shot?
Am i gonna be able to forget those pain? those memory of scar?
my heart has been scrath too much...and i am not sure if i am able to let it go
no medicine to cure it... it just too great.. the pain
if i couldnt forget those memory.. i will leave her for sure...
this is the cause and effect of the dishonest...
my heart wont be the same again..i will easily get hurt..just by the thing that u will upset me
i wish that...i will never fall into the same misery no more

Dull for sure!!!

2005-07-25T18:34:00.000+10:00

Each minute feels like an hour, each hour feels like a day, each day feels like a month, each month feels like a year. Damn... i cant settle down on this shit..just want to graduate as soon as possible. and do the right thing.

Although there are still a lot of circumstances and consideration about my future in Sydney. i ought to have a break for a while. just to take things easy and slow down. 2 weeks aint enough.. i need more than a month. Time is all i want right now.

I have been couch potato all this week, Third semester is the shitest thing.. aint nothing to do, Even on monday i dont even have a class. What a long week to kill, on the other hand. i heard that casino in Medan is all closing down because of the Kapolda shit is the new guy that hates gambling and any illegal shit. as a result, My father aint got income for this month. he told me to save some money. Well i feel bad as well.. thats why i tend to be at home. which is so damn bored and life is so fuckin dull!.

I had spent a lot of money on telephone bill. i am afraid that i wont be able to call cia.. for the next couple of weeks. i believe she wont mind, she even said that it is alright for her to go to the warnet to just have chat with me. How nice is that?. She is the only good thing at the moment. She is the one that totally understand me, care for me, and potentially will love me more than anything in this world.

I might get a job though to cover up my expenses of those bills and stuffs. I wish that on December i will be in Medan to celebrate a X mas and New Years eve with her. i wish both of us will connected each other. not only in da phone, but also in the real conversation. eye 2 eye.

there is nothing much to say, but next month Cindy will celebrate her birthday. i was invited as well. but i am not sure whether i should go or not. it seems awkward and i dont even know how`s cia gonna feel deep down inside.. althought she told me that she is alright with it. but to be honest i dont want her to celebrate her ex bf birthday. which is close to Cindy`s birthday.

Cia.. if you read this....i just want you to know that you had me at hello. You complete me..i never felt like this before.. its a weird and an odd feeling eyy.. there is no words to describe how i feel. even though we separated by an ocean and thousand of miles of island. i trust u deeply. u showed me ur love and ur caring that i could see. u convinced me that i am the only one that u need. I couldnt wait to hug you and to love you totally cia..

I wish that i wont be in the same hole as i did before. i hope that you are different than other women that i ever known.

Cia.. all i can say right now is that i miss you so much..
Last but not least.. i am falling for you so deeply..

dedicated to cia..
from co...

Who is she? and Where is she?

2005-07-11T00:45:00.000+10:00

A few weeks ago was the best moment between me and cia cia, finally i found someone that could replace my emptiness in ma heart. i never thought that she will like me as well. as these day we oftenly have a conversation, I was surprised by her personality that could totally understand me. What do i know about her.. aight.. She`s not that Rich type of girl like my ex before, Cia is very simple girl, with a simple kind of thinking. thats what i like about her, i believe she wont give me a headache. The funniest thing that about me and her is that.. whenever we talked on da phone.. we had like the feeling of not letting the phone off, it just seems like there is no tomorrow. funny ey, We talked a lot about stuffs, i`m just hoping that this feeling wont go away.. i hope it will stay the same until when i am with her.

Well, i think she`s the best personality kind of chix that i ever want, She aint geek for sure and she`s so fine... I could say that this is kind of sad ass pathetic story first love at first sight.. i dont wanna admit it.. but its true.. that i was interested first because of her outlook. The weird things though that everyday.. i am thinking about her.. like my mind went nuts. I dont know why, we have been knowing each other for 4 weeks, but our relationships seem just like 4 years.
everything went fast, but all i can wish is that our relationships will last long.. I dont wanna jump in the same hole again, i want this relationships will be the last one. I am so tired and pissed everytime i get hurt.

I wish that i wont call her this week, school shit starts to get really busy, i am gettin lazy and lazy. What is wrong with me!.. Damn, All i can do is just to hold my curiosity, Things went so quickly, I hope... everything will goes like i want..

What is i gonna do?

2005-07-03T02:54:00.000+10:00

i miss home so much at the moment....things are pretty fucked up in Sydney, i wish i could have the moment when i was with my friend back in Medan. I missed all of them,
the school is pretty boring.. i couldnt wake up.. but i still managed to come to the class everyday, a lot of shits coming up.. i need to focus..while myself still feel uncontent about study. but i got to do it whether i like it or not!.

the only good thins about me is that i am getting close with cia cia, i called her and i missed her all the time, she is the only one who can talk, understand me. i finally fall for her, i am so into her and she did give me a feedback as well. the only thing that bothers me a lot is that her past. it annoys me a lot because everyone thought that i look like his ex bf, which i hate to admit it. what the fuck was that!. even though i already know her for about couple of weeks. but we both felt that we already knew each other for years.. we are so connected.in everything.. even her hobbies, what she likes, or what she hates.. everything is just exactly the same as mine.

I couldnt think about getting her because i dont wanna be unfair.. we both are separeted by a long distance..i dont wanna hurt her. both of us had the same trauma of a bad relationships. 1 thing for sure... She`s real fine.. She`s so pretty in a real person rather in a pic that she put in her friendster. I know that she wanted to forget her past.. by trying to open herself to me. she hasnt been in a relationships for 6 months already. but i have a lot of things swimming in my head. i couldnt make a decision.. i know that she likes me a lot. from the way she talks to me..from her attention to me.. i am so flattered...but i dont wanna hurt her..its not because i still couldnt forget about Cindy. but it just simply that i dont wanna ruin everythings or jump into the same hole again. I dont wanna get hurt..and i dont wanna hurt her as well..

i couldnt sleep... i drank 2 vodka today.. i feel so pissed..i am not sure what that fuck is going on with me.. but i just wanna think all over again..but i really miss her..i wanna hear her voice..
later...

Side Story...

2005-06-24T22:01:00.000+10:00

Single, Lonely and Bored.. this is exactly how i feels at the moment. There is nothing much i have done in here.. sleep, eat, sleep, eat, go to school..bla bla..thats it..
For the first time... i am not happy in Sydney. Thinking back. i still remember that when my parents didnt allowed me to come in Sydney.. i was like.. mad, angry, pissed.. and etc.. when i left Medan.. i felt great..Now i feel Medan is more nice than here...i am suppose to be happy in here.. but i guess this is because of the loneliness...

I was having fun a lot.. i met a lot of new friends when i was in Medan.. and i cant stop thinking about cia cia.. What is i gonna do?..oh Lord... why must she so damn gorgeous..!..grrr..
i dont wanna talk bullshit here.. but for real..she`s the best chix i ever met.. (Outlook).
No need to be curious about her.. cause she`s quite similar look like Nakama Yukie (Japanese Actress)

I already enroled for my new time table.... i have a long weekend..cause i dont have a class on Monday at all.. how suck is that!.. but at least i know what to do on the weekend..
Lenny.. the Surabaya girl called me the other day.. ..and i met her in the school.. Well to be honest.. i am not interested with her anymore.. although we talked on the phone..but i dont feel anything special no more about her.. cause she`s a fuckin liar.. Btw..compared with Cia cia.. it was like.. 100:1..

Hopefully this december i will be in Medan.. although its only 2 weeks... I wanna meet her.. damnn.. i havent call her yet till today..even an sms.. But i will call her soon...
Well i did promised that i wanna tell you guys about my ex girl.. or you may call... my loved one.. Suddenly.. i am not that bothered anymore..by her dissapperance.. I finally realized that.. in her society.. she was trying to make me look bad by telling her frens (used to be my fren as well). that i was an asshole or bla bla bla.. but she forgive me..bla bla bla.. that is why i finally understood.. why the hell should Catherine said that you are the most patience and forgiveness person in the world.. Well..for the information.. fuck that shit..

You are such a two face person..if you really do understand my circumstances you wouldnt say anything bad about me.. Well i admited that i did a huge mistake.. I am not trying to be an Angel or whatsoever that reflects Saint or God. but i am simply a human being..i got feeling as well..not only you!.. i couldnt even believe that u have such a big mouth..or maybe you are so desperate for love? care? or anything that will gives a benefit for you.. or maybe you want all of the poeple in this world on your side?.. how selfish are you!

You even said that you wanted to be a friend.. but from the way you acted.. i dont fuckin think so.. I hope that we wouldnt meet for a long time.. I dont wanna care about you no more.. after all.. from the way you acted, talked, smiled, and everything.. i felt nothing no more..

finally i have a conclusion on my mind..that you are so fake.. so pretending... i am sick of that shit.. i couldnt take the shit no more.. even i still care about you today.. (If you really realized how i care about you..and appreciated for what i have done).. but i chose not to know anything about you no more..
aight.. so go have some fun.. out there.. and go fuck everyone you dating with. cause you aint gonna enjoy that moment.. anymore..next year.. cause ur mum gonna send ur big ass in Medan.. so good luck for the sex.. and if you read this..dont say that i am not respecting you..just think about yourself.. have you ever respect me? even i already changed for you.. for the efforts and everything.. have u ever thought about that? Hell no!..

I can guarantee your ass.. that i am going to leave you..for a long long time.... i dont want to involve shit with you no more.. dont wanna know anything about you.. i shut my ear.. and i shut my vision when i saw. you.. the point is.. Get the fuck out from my life!.

I am so pissed if i had the thought what you have done to me.. but thank Lord.. because of you too..finally i met someone....someone better than you, hotter than you, smarter than you..and everything than you.. Hell yeah..if you doubt about me..well screw you.. and if you said that i wont be with her.. well fuck you too..

I feel sorry for you..and you know what the funny things? i dont want to turn back time no more..for what i did.. ..God Bless You..cause i dont wanna bless your greedy fat ass..( written when i was in a bad mood, didnt mean it though)

Medan....

2005-06-21T02:32:00.000+10:00

Aight this is my first post..after a long of holiday i enjoyed in Medan.. so many good and bad things to tell.. i had 3 weeks of Casanova life when i was in Medan.. chix chix chix .. is all my story about..but first. before i go further.. this is how it goes at the beginning..

26th of May, I met Dre finally after approx 1 year.. he was in medan for only 3 days.. the first day and my second day in medan.. i spent it all with him.. Oh Lord.. we had so much fun.. there was a funny story in sushi tei where i think Dre too much, where as related to his circumstances.
I never realized how bad is it.. until Dre had told me.. To be frankly. i am so sad.. by the fact his family and him got to flea somewhere to avoid this matter.. This is another reason why Dre couldnt accompany me..

after Dre went back to Jakarta.. i felt so lonely.. fuck.. i have no male frens.. but slowly for sure.. i met someone really special.. it all began when Siz K introduced me to her chix fren.. there was like 6 girls.. playing pool in the Shoot.. but only 1.. of them were really shinning.. charming.. and etc.. i was so fuckin interested or u may say..i am so into her.. that much.
Well i was playing a pool with Siz and suddenly they came over.. and play into the next table of ours.. i am not trying to be cocky..but i reckoned that she was checking me out..
and my guess was right.. Coz when they were like 4 girls sitting on the couch.. She said that i look like her ex boy friend..( What the hell?)..

Anyway her name is Cia cia...i like her name.. but the bottom line is.. Her outlook is defintely an A..after we went back.. i was like.. asking Siz K her phone number..but she wont give it to me..Damn..u Siz K... but 2 days before i left.. she gave me.. and The fuck can i do in 2 days..
but at least.. i talked with her on the phone like 4 hours..
i promised her that i will come back on Dec.. Well. she always said that " Why did u contact me so late?.. ( i called her one day before i left).. and i just said.. that.. Siz K wont give it to me..until i pho her..hehe..

Cia cia asked me.. why do u want to get to know me?.what makes u do so?..
and you know what.. i said.. because you were so charming when i saw you.. Damn.. i was stupid.. i shouldnt be so honest.. hahaha..

But it was all fun... and i believe that she might be the one.. i couldnt say nothing bad about her outlook, no hidden handicap.. absolutely Wow..i realized that my ex Cindy.. was nothing compared with her.. from the outlook
and i started to not give a shit about her no more..

but dont get me wrong.. i do care about her.. but from the way she acted.. i am getting tired.. so it is all the best for all of us..I hang out with a lot of different chix everyday.. some of them i did avoid..or make an excuses.. cause damn man.. i got no male frens.. that the saddest part... i lost my man hood.. for a while. everyone might thought that i am a Gay!..fuck that shit.

There were some potential girl that i might have connection with.. but because of Cia cia. (i met her in the second week of my holiday in Medan.. ) i have forgotten the rest. But shockingly that most of them are so fine..me myself couldnt believe that i live like Casanova. in Medan.
I met a lot of Old frens. such as Honey and Siz K.. they all said that i look so different.. much more like Vietnamese, Gay lar.. whatsoever..i am so tired of that shit.. but i reckoned that it is all because of my hair..style..( Way too long).

Anyway the good news is that i passed all of my subjects for the second semester.. i am so proud and happy of myself..cause i thought that i might fail something this semester.. but.. Thank Lord.. I through...
Well right now i am already in Sydney.. though that my body is right here..but my heart is belong to Medan.. i wonder..is it because of her? man.. i never liked someone before for a long time like this.. well i did love Jules the first time i saw her.. or you can say like drama romantic scene.. first love at the first sight.. but this time is so different..
Coz both of us.. me n her.. looked at each other.. ( Dont say that i think too much). cause when Siz K called her..say that i am so interested with her.. she woke up and listen to what she said.. well at least she remembered me. how i look.. and etc..

For Cindy.. in the middle of forgiveness and hateness. honestly if i think back.. how we were.. i was so sad.. and hurt so much.. i wanted to forgive you totally.. but when i was thinking what have u done to me.. i wanna hate you forever and ban you from my life..
but i believe that by the time goes by.. i will not give a damn no more about you..
cause finally i realized that u are not that perfect like i thought before..
I dont wanna close my heart because what you had done.. i wanna get life..start my new life.
and i finally can see that when i was in Medan.. hanging out with my frens.. and met someone special.. is all the beautiful things that i need in my life..

I wanna thank my parents for giving me this opportunity to be here. as well.. without them.. i wont face such problems that i had faced. this is all the examination before i get into the real world.. of competition.. Thank God that i am doing fine.. and seriously.. i wanna go back to Medan .. i am not satisfied yet with the fun and joy i had with my new frens.. and especially..i wanna get to know Cia... Long distance relationship is a bullshit..
i will work my ass off to get her.. .she is defintely an A..

Back to to the start

2005-05-23T02:05:00.000+10:00

another 3 days and i am going to be in my hometown. Lovely!. however tomorrow is my final exam in advertising major COM 209, to be honest i didnt study that hard, but i have made a notes to be read later. It`s not that hard though, but for the next day examination about idelogy is the shittest!. i gotta to prepare my ass for it.

Last night endru,dre, donny was having a party in Jakarta. i found out today from Dru, that Dre got into a fight with someone in the Pub, It was not a big fight thank lord, But i couldnt believe that they got into a fight because of stupid and very small problems. Dre if you read this.. Damn you.. you shouldnt got into the fight.. i blame endru for putting up the fire.

I am excited to go back to Medan after all. but i am worried that my trip this time might be result in the reverse way than i expected before. Estel is getting bored i guess waiting for Dre and Me, i am kinda in a bad shape nowadays, i sleep more than 10 hours each day.. no fuckin clue what went wrong with my body and my mind.

Any how, i have a very interesting topic about fortune teller recently, as like all of the majority chinesse people in my hometown. ( they believe in such things like paranormal, etc). my mum told me what she heard from the "Kwa Mia" about my future ahead. to be honest i was affected by those comment. but now i aint give a fuck no more.. isnt it gonna be stupid if what the "Prick" says gonna happend in my future!. It wont happend fuck no!..
The good thing is that, i knew it now. so i will do any fuckin thing to prove myself that i aint like he says. I was thinking myself if someone could really read our future. he wont do it for money, and he wont be in this world anymore. he would be the same position as God. so in my conclusion they all just a scum of people who are trying so hard to manipulates people mind. because once you got into their circle. you`ll stick there for a long time. They are just a bum who are desperately looking for customer to get their bill paid. Fuck em!.

I was so mad recently because of the stupid group work that i had. Thank Lord its done, next fuckin semester no more indo fuck nesia people. i`ll choose a better group member, How could i believe that fuck face my Group Leader. he gave me fuckin 3 out of 5. ok before i explain and tell the story. i need all of you to believe me this time.
I did my best in the group work!. the score that i got from him is so fuckin unfair. what the fuck is wrong with you fuckZ!. i am so wasted!. the reason i got mad because the other member of my group that i think is lamer than me. got a better mark!. You call it Fair and balanced. Well fuck you and take that result n mark and stick em straight up your ass. cause i aint give a fuck no more.. i have had enough of this bullshit. Thank God that people i shared this story with could support me and understand me. they fuckin knew and saw me in the fuckin library just to do the stupid paper work. For my Group leader..fuck you!.. loser!.

All i wanna to accomplish rite now is just to finish and pass all of my subject for this semester examination. After that, i could go back with a clear mind and with a good mood. On Wednesday, Sho and my brother will send me to the airport. For Sho, he is the only good fren of mine since i was in Sydney, I promised him in the future that i am going to see him no matter in indo or japan. 2 days ago i had a dinner with Yin cs in Hurricane (Bondi). so i invited Sho to come over and treat him the dinner. after dinner he took us to see a view from the corner of Bondi. ( You will be able to see the whole view from the top). As usual, Sho asked me again, How do you feel about going back to Japan?.. ( hmmm thinking about lke 9 seconds). i reply, Well i guess i am quite happy but if i am thinking about the fact that i am not going to see you again when i am going to be here on 19th of june. (Sho is going back to Japan for good), later on i will post the picture of me and sho in here.

When we were in Bondi, Yin said something funny about me n Sho, me and sho bought an ice cream so we kinda shared it together and sitting together.. sounds gay right..Yeah rite.. yin said. you guys are so romantic.. isnt it a bit weird?. haha i just laugh and said that i wont see him again. so thats alright, and Yin said, Well i can see from you guys that u both are so close and he really treat u as his friend, he cares about you. and otherwise as well.
Sho is the honest friend that i have, thanks sho for giving me such a good time and the lesson of how to be a surfer, and thanks for the Television and Dvd player that you are going to sell for me for only 20 dollars..hahaha.

This Wednesday, three of us gonna have a Miso Katsu ramen in Menya. after that, we might go straight away to the Airport. haha, Just wish me luck guys. whoever read my blog, i know i never post anything interesting no more. to be honest my life is so fuckin dull. i aint do nothing, i am a loner these day, i gotta to find some quiet place to think a lot of stuffs, later i will post something about what i thought about my ex Be, till then, Let it flow and Let it go..
Cause whenever am i..i will always be in the next chapter.
I`ll never quit writing..........never ever..

LEMONed

2005-05-02T15:08:00.000+10:00

Pink spider

currently i am listening to the hide songs, it was great...this one is for you Hide.. to remember your talent. 2nd of may is the day u left this world.. your songs gave a lot of impact to the others.

by the way, 25th this may i am going back to medan soon.. finally i will be able to be back after 1 year. i miss all of my tomodachi, thus i fucked up my presentation just now. i dont have a clue how much did i get. i have to wait till next week for the result. it was 15% presentation i hope i will get more than 12%. i just dont really have a faith in me this semester. i am so not in mood right now to do any kind of things. i need to be alone at the moment.

How could i be so lame?. i dont wanna fail anything this semester. i have given my best to school shit. but it look like that this semester i am going down slightly. what all i can do now is to relax this week. i will go to bondi this sunday to give a break to my head. week days gonna be tough. need to make a good preparation in order to pass all of those subject.

Vice Versa

2005-04-25T19:47:00.000+10:00

Well well well.... i am so excited knowing the fact that i am going to leave this hell.. I am going to be in medan at 27th of may..Yeah!!!... so happy.. i miss my frens.. but at first i have to tackle my exam first.. haha.. anyway.. i finaly found a new apartment.. in millenium tower.. staying with 4 others indonesian.. me so lucky..i only pay 100 dollars for a week.. but i have been staying in erycen place for about 2 months.. i guess..but start today i am going to live in my own place...
though i learnt a lot of things these couple of months.

but i realized that my only true friend is only the one back in my hometown.. miss all of you guys.. and for Syo kun.. he is the kindest person in Sydney... at least i feel secure when i was with him..compared with others indonesian mates.. and about my crush Lenny.. i reckoned that i am not interested with her anymore..since we were out. i felt like she was not a truthfully person.. she even cheat her own bf..just to go out with me.. she might do that to me someday..if we are about to be a couple..though she always try to keep in touch everyday with me.. but i dont feel the way i felt before anymore..thus the circumstances between me and her boyfriend is kinda in a high tension. i dont wanna fuck up anymore, my final exam is nearly there. need to focus, need to concentrate dont wanna fail shit!.

is it because i am going back very soon?...perhaps.. i miss all of my pretty chicks back in medan..
about my school .. i am a bit lazy this semester.. coz my my circumstances before...but luckily i passed every assignment.. hopefully i pass all of the subject at the end of my second semester..
thank god i am still breathing..lately i had a lot of conversation with my frens back in medan.. i miss all of them so much.. they are my best... nothing could exchange my fren...

i have a lot of thought about them....anyway i am going to be online everyday..start this friday..coz i already subscribe for the broadband internet in my house..so the first thing i am going to do is..to finish my flash project..hehe..coz it is sux..and very hard..
well i already promised Syo..that in the future i will go to Nagoya.. well i am a bit sad..coz the fact.. on 27th of may.. i am not gonna see him anymore..coz in june..he will back for good... so... i might just hoping that our frenship is not until here.
Well.. i have to go home now..its the Apprentice time.. haha..cant wait to watch it.

Anyway Yoshiki new album has already released. but still i havent got it. desperately to hear his new project. seems like i wont be able to buy it from Sydney. but the good thing is that i already download the songs. which is great. but still because i am a big fan of his. i wanna buy all of his album.

Blank.......

2005-02-28T11:43:00.000+11:00

Last night finally i spent my entire night at Hotel that cost 59 dollars/ day..
it was pretty sux..i mean the whole night.
i met with one of my fren..i asked her to bring a toothpaste, comb and a bottle of a water...it was 11 i guess..then.. i talked with her, and i realized that my fren was kinda talk behind my back...the gay one.. i mean..what the fuck was that. i aint care anyway..too many things swimming in my head, and finally i met my 2 korean class mate on the road..i talked with them..and they are kinda shock..when i told them that i dont have any place to stay.
i drank a beer with them..and talking.. after that...i went back to the uts computer lab..to sleep.. and i called my mum..just to talk..but she was really worried, and then she called my bro...and then he picked me up..

we had a fight and argument each other..he said that the prob it was entirely my fault. and he said..that his fren was very angry with me.. i mean..what the hell? how could u accuse entire things into my problem, u did a lot of mistakes too..but u aint care...u are supposed to take care of everything cause u aint study and u dont have to go to the school..like me..
but i dont hate my bro..i just hate the fact that he is so selfish..he just care about himself and his fuckin bitch. but truly and honestly, i really care about my mum and my father.. i loved them so much and i always wanna do my best to make them proud of me..
this whole week has ruined my life, this week i`m going to over turn the plate!...
i am blessed

Homeless

2005-02-27T21:39:00.000+11:00

Well.. right now i am in the middle of nowhere, i am so fucked up..and i realized how is the feeling of being lonely and homeless, This week is a whole mess for me. i thought this year i`m going to have the best year ever...but i was wrong.. the bad things started to rolling into my head.
I spent 3 days in my friends house, because my previous apartment was over. so we have to pack up and move out..so i asked my fren to let me stay..thank him for that..3 days was enough for me..and i feel so embarassed to myself, because i have to ask one by one of my class mate..whether i can stay in their house or not. but right now..i ended up in computer lab in uts. well i might spent my entire night in here..rather to stay in backpackers or whatsoever..
at least i save 30 bucks for a day...but hopefully tomorrow i will get a decent place to stay in hordern towers.. hopefully....

The shit thing is that i have to go to school at 9 in the morning..now its already 10 p.m..and i dont have a fuckin clue how am i going to sleep.. at least it wa quiet and save in here.
the good thing is that i started to feel how is the homeless people live their life everyday in the road..at least in my case i`m better than those people.
I guess this time i wont stay with my bro and his gf anymore..because we had a different opinion about renting apartment..so i think its better for us to split..
but it was really a messed when i had the argument with them..
At one moment...i started to think about going back to medan, but i wont do that..because i have to catch up with my study and shit. i dont want to dissappoint my parents. but i really do miss my fren in medan..they are the best.. and i love them so much..

i couldnt think of anything no more..i had to many things in my head. i havent got my salary yet..and i have to go to coogee and talk with my boss again..and etc...haih..
but first thing i have to do is to have a place to stay first..i mean a real place...unlike these situation.. well i hope God will bless me..

New Things

2005-02-16T22:44:00.000+11:00

Why do i have to be in these blue verse?
these question always popped up into my head? why does it always come to my head?
i wish i wont give a head ....but still....

Many things happened to many during these holiday. Most of them were good and fun
The good things is that i passed all of my subject..yeah baby..at least i am a credit student..
In Chinesse New Year i went to the Regal restaurant with my friends, we ate a lot, laugh out loud, went to the V bar after that and get drunk. it was a funny moment when i was with my pal.
So i already quit my job because i think i will have some difficulty to wake up in the morning, cause i am about to start a new semester next week. though my parents understand about my decision. i hope they wont dissppointed with me :). today i went to watch Aviator, it was Good movie though, telling a story about one of the richest man in the world in 40`s era name Howard Hughes.

The Bad thing is that when i was walking home. i saw Lenny with her bf, i mean what the hell? i tried to call her several time but she didnt pick up my phone. during the holiday we had a good time together.and she told me that she doesnt have any feeling to her bf anymore.
Well my conclusion is that Women are all shit.. they love to lie and lie all the frickin time.
that made me sick... i aint trust no more bitches.. or maybe i dont have any luck with a girl. dont get me wrong i dont have feelings for her, i was just getting suck of women. they talk sweet and sounds very honest but inside they are fuckin full of shits. so i have had enough, all i wanted to do is now to be a loner and tell everyone to get the fuck out of my face. this is the only way to be the Greatest in the future. I need to let the circumstances in my mind to swim over my head before i act and did something stupid that will ended me up into a sin and regretness.

Cindy probs made me in a blue time, so this time i wont let anyone let me down to achieve my goal. neitheir of you bitches gonna let me down and sad for what i believe.
Thats all for now..i am no mood to write right now..i am so pissed for what i saw today. Women are all just the same. Fuckin Ho, i am so mean i fuckin know..but this is what i feel right now..at least i am being honest not like you fuckin biatch.

Break.....Time.....

2005-01-30T22:07:00.000+11:00

Exam is over.....its time for me to relax, enjoy and hopefully can save some money. cause i didnt want to be the one that gonna call my parents to beg for the money..

at least my salary can cover up my expenses for a weeks. the thing is...i`m kinda fed up with my job in the coogee because of the people are so fuckin annoying, and some of them ought to fight all the frickin time..n get drunk like a fuckin retarded. Well hopefully next month i`ll quit...however, i have to talk and discuss about it with my mum first.
Well my exam was quit good, i think i`ll pass all of the subject. if i fail..i`ll be so fuckin pissed

a week ago, i met Cindy again in the Kura 3, i said hi to her..and thats it.. i was to shy...to talk with her...i dont want to bother her no more..without me..she`s better than ever...i should concentrate on the things that i could do..instead of give it a head about her anymore..

i`m kinda fed up with this place...sometimes like now..i feel so lonely..even though in the next 2 hours i`ll become 21 years old. how could this be? the only thing that can make me smile is that..the fact..that i still have my frens that love me so much, i miss my fren....cant wait to meet all of them..for me..they are my blood.

I am still considering whether i should continue my study or not in Sydney after i`m going to graduate in 2006 february.. i might go back and go to some other place to start my new life instead of being here..knowing that she`s around here that might bothers my goal and my mind
i dont even know..why i feel so miserable....its better for me to go to school everyday, study, get busy all the time.. if i had a lonely moment..my mind went nuts..

I need someone beside me at the moment which i couldnt have. ..sigh
Anyway may 2005 gonna be my glorious year... i`m kinda scared because my aunt told me that i might face some obstacles in this year, she told me to avoid something that is risky,
Well i should listen to her....
anyway bless me yall..

Imagination

2005-01-10T01:01:00.000+11:00

Longing

First we hurt each other, Tears we shared together
Tomorrow it will only be a memories
Melody that we thought damnless
Flow to my hearts
even though i cant see you
Still my heart beats

Sing without you
I will sing without you
Cant you feel my heart?
Falling through the rain
I will move on without you
Cant you hold my tears?
cause still I love you

I can face the thought of being alone
even though its forstress, its coldless
I still have a longing for your memory
though, thoughts of you break my heart

I will not tell you the truth
let me hear your voice
let me hear your cries
be by myself

The world surrounding me separate my dream from reality
Again and again
sometimes its hard to hold on
its hard to carry on
but my will is sustain

I am here without you
I will walk away by myself without you
Cant you feel my heart?
falling through the rain
Cause still i love you

i am here imagine your face, your voice...to show how desperate i am just to have a thought about you
12.21 p.m, still thinking about you..even though it has been 1 month and 5 days you had gone...

Into Me

2005-01-03T23:09:00.000+11:00

year 2005.. has started... this year i am going to do everything i could to achieve everything that possible, my parents in Sydney with me right now. i feel shit because they lost around 55000 Aus dollars. I am the one who ask them to come to Sydney. but yet they lost a lot of money just to celebrate the new years eve with me. On the other hand my parents finally realised that my Bro was a lazy shit. I think they fed up with my bro, especially my dad n my mum who felt so dissappointed from the way he talked and acted. Why does he act like that? ungrateful!!

Well even though my parents didnt blame me for what had happend, i feel very sad and guilty at the moment. those money can pay my school fee for approx 10 semester..
haihh.. they havent pay my next semester fee yet which due for the next 2 weeks.
anyway i just watched before sunset... though the first one is better..but the second one is not that bad, gave a lot of aspiration of life anyway...but i guess for majority people wont like this movie..too much conversation going on,

Well.. i just sent my parents today...7th January 2005
It was kinda sad a bit because i feel so useless, they lost a lot of money because just to see me and my bro, which they end up with blue feelings i think. i was the one who tell them to come..so i feel i am the one who should be blame. i will pray for them so they can bounce back to get what they had lost, i just got my first salary though.. quite happy and proud..
but i have to do a lot of presentation and assignment in week 11 and week 12..and i have to face the final exam..shit!!

Anyway i spent my new years eve in Star City hotel, the fireworks was really awesome, and i had a ball party in the Hotel as well, Well i saw a lot of pretty chicks, but i was with my parents...so too bad, hehe..i bought a lot of new shirts n shoes as well..my mum said it is for a new year..year 2005..new life...so i have to wear new things..i feel a bad a lil bit..becoz they lost a lot of money. so.. i am really thanks for them..and no fuckin way that i`m going to let them down. Well i have to hiberante for a while...to prepare my study..
Bless me Yall

Christmas is all around

2004-12-21T01:53:00.000+11:00

Gates of Heaven

I wanna share any good moment in these holiday break. I have to enjoy and be relax and sleep a lot because in the first week of my school i will be busy and i will have a lot of project to hand in. and two weeks later i have to do the final exam.
I dont have any new story at the moment in my life. my life is kinda bored anyway, but i wanna share my interest, something that has inspired me.
Well there are 2 major things: Music and Movie

Without Music my life might become miserable and unhappy
Hm.. i have to admit that X japan is the most that i loved...i mean their songs contain a sadness lyrics. though it is japanese language but some of them are english and i have a translator though. I think they were the greatest performer in the stage if you havent seen the Last Live concert back 1997 you should watch it.. it was remarkable.
At the moment i love Tiziano Ferro songs called Sere Nere..it was emotional song and very beautiful written by him. I guess he had the same problem as me in relationships.
actually there are so many songs that had inspired me but it will be boring if i write it on details.

Well for this Christmas i dont have any plan yet. maybe i`m going to join one of my friends to celebrate it. well at least this is the first time i am going to celebrate christmas in Sydney. Well i hope its not going to be dull and sux.
I tell the story later....

Anyway i had a weird dream last night. i dreamt about my best buddy Dre, Well i guess it was in the future. but i hope its not going to happend, Dre had a fight with my friend because Dre thinks he got punked. Well it was kinda messy and blurry in my head. all i can remember is that i tell Dre to cool down. he really pissed in my dream. for your circumstances i wish you will be fine dude. dont worry everythings gonna be fine.
keep in faith all the time..

Well...something came up to me..my parents are coming on 29th December hahaha..so excited, anyway i got a job in the coogee beach. i will start working tomorrow yeeehaa...i`ll start working for 6 hours, sounds good heh?. anyway thanks to Endry, he is my savior hehe..i will treat you a meal in my first payment. anyway, i went to center point today after i talked with the manager of garlos pie( the place that i will earn my dollars). it was cool in the pitt st. there were so many people singing a christmas songs.. which is cool, hahah for the first time i seen a lot of beautiful things around me. I love christmas :), i have to finish my another assignment for the feature articles project 2...damnn.. in holiday i have to study....it sux.
but this saturday i will go to the cinema to watch phantom of the opera..yeehaa, but unfortunately the manager told me to work at 31st december from 10 at night until morning..shit.. i have to celebrate my new year in my working place....that sux..but the good things i will earn double hehe which is cool.. anyway..i wish i can do well in my first job ever with a strangers..i just bought a book in kinokuniya, Donald J Trump How to get Rich, well i hope it will be useful though, for the next presentation in my median analysis class i will present something that related to Donald J Trump and his show the Apprentice.. hopefully i will do well..
Till then...ciaooo

Finally Free

2004-12-19T23:58:00.000+11:00

Well i just finished my school..now i am having a good holiday. A lot of things happend to me, where should i start? hm... Hiro had a party couple of weeks ago in my apartment, there were about 30 peoples in the barbeque stand to have a party.but the party didnt go very well because Hiro got drunk and he had to go home earlier. Toshi,Syo, Yusaka stayed in my house n have a chat, actually at that time we saw a crawling cloud. it was beautiful anyway, i forgot to take a picture because i was too busy to have a conversation with all of the. well the next day i went to Army`s birthday. Well i finally can get through my life slowly but for sure. i started to forget about her slowly but for sure. this time i am not going to use my heart anymore. this time i`m using my head so i wont make any mistake no more.

Hmmm. actually in Friday i saw her in the Superbowl...i was trying to go to her house to pick up my stuff although before that i tried to call her.. she didnt pick it up, so i went to her house with Endry and my brother. when we were on the way home.. Endry suddenly wanted eat a fish ball so we stopped beside superbowl in y2k to buy some fish ball..
My bro shouted "hey thats Cindy and that Busaiku (fuck face)". i turn my head around and see them...walking away from me...i guess they didnt see me. she wore a black suit and thats the last time i ever see her....i was standing just standing firmly..and look at her...while her footstep slowly but sure left me behind.. I am so sad to think about how we ended up.. i wish i could turn back time but we both know thats impossible. Why she didnt realise that i really care about her, i know i hurt her before, but how could she? I must meant nothing to her, How can she be so cruel?

Well... maybe i have to let her go...there is nothing i can do right now..i only wish that as time goes by all the bad memores will be erase. Luckily she has gone for a while, i hope i wont meet her anymore in Sydney. I do have a plan to fade away this time.

Bebe, you know that i never want you to hate me like these day. cause i never hate you after what you have done to me. i always forgive you and always love you. Well i hope that you will find your own happiness cause i will not bother you anymore..
i have to concentrate on what i am doing right now, i dont wanna waste anymore second of my life. each second of my life mean something for me and i`m so tired... i have to lean back and to forget everything for a while. maybe i wont write anything anymore for a moment..
i am lost to put all my feeling into words..i will let you go this time.. no matter how hard it is. i have to accept that we are not meant to be together..
until then.....
Later...

may God always be with you....

Zizi

I don think its bragging to say i am something a little special

2004-12-04T18:41:00.000+11:00

Everbody says i am an easy going guy. i could be nice with you in a day.
But its only fair that i have the best friend in the world, and that`s Andre Pitoy. He never asks for anything; he always there when someone needs him. ( especially me), There is no one like him. He is unique, He`s the best there is. And if you write that, I dont want Andre To think i`m getting soft, so write down that he`s lucky i`m his friend too, And tell him i said i am the only person in the person who likes him.

On the other hand, When Cindy and I split, I just about went crazy, sitting in her room, smelling her perfume, starring at the walls, But it was something that had to happen. She wouldnt do what she was supposed to. She left me for some stupid fuck, She hurt my feeling, She abandon me like i am nothing for her. everything didnt look right.....
One time, I went nuts and i kick all of her stuffs, I almost broke my hand, my hand was bleeding. It was wrong. Its the only time I did something nuts like that, and after i did that i felt sorrier than she did. It hurts me more than it hurt her. I am still young, twenty years old, and she was doing things against what i believe, but thats not excuse. A man should never hurt a woman like I did.

"My wish is not to mean everything to everyone, but to mean something to someone"

Red + Blue= ?

2004-12-04T18:12:00.000+11:00

Violet is the same color as Red and it means anger
Blue means sadness
If its combine together it will end up in anger in the sadness
As the color of the Sky reflects how i feel..

Helplesly, Hoping, Silently sighing, Wishfuly waiting for love
Still never truly understood the meaning of my life
With all things changing around me, I shall never be the same again
You were the battery that always tick, the medicine that enables my heart to beat
I couldnt feel your magnetic stare,
The rhythm has gone...now it has its very own rhyme
We lost ourselves in in a brief moment.
This is what i called broken into pieces..

Puzzle wont needed no more...It couldnt solve it.....

Forever has its day

2004-12-04T18:10:00.000+11:00

From the very beginning i said
You`ll see my love within my eyes
An unending love so strong
It will surely make you cry

Let my action speaks louder
Then my words wont be misunderstood
All we need is to listen...i mean really listen and just hear

May Hateness be forgotten
May you always be happy..forever and ever

Hot to Cold

2004-12-04T18:09:00.000+11:00

You dont have to understand about us!
What you have to do is just....
To Let it happend

Life Goes on

2004-12-02T23:28:00.000+11:00

Well...how should i start to tell the story....
I have a lot of assignment due next week. Communication is very hard major. i`m afraid that i`m going to fuck up. The reason i took this major because i know my quality my self, what i lack of, what i`m not good at. I`m not a good presenter, i`m suck to deal with people, i ought to get a job that i dont have to talk and talk. i am a person who prefer action rather than talk. and if i were in class i never trying to be a smart arse. i tend to listen, i dont wanna being branded, or my class mate thinks i am a kiss ass type of a person. but i found out nowadays in this world without talking and good presentation you wont achieve your goal. even though i used to be a tour guide before. i tend to avoid talking with my customer, i never do such speech or introduction in formal way. Well, I`m lost right now. i have to rethink what should i do instead of worry about what i couldnt do.

I love a reality tv show called Apprentice. To see them compete each other made me realised that i`m far from good. I guess i never be such a good and talented Presenter. Well i dont wanna say it is because of English language is my third language. i dont wanna blame anything.
i shoulda work hard. if they can how come i`m not being able to be like them?
I just got an email from the job that i had applied. Well.. i`m quite down at the moment. cause i`m unsuccesful to get the job. Well at least i can learn from it. It was a good experience and a good picture how`s the big firm play their role. I just tell my self that next time will be better.
I hope i can relieve a lil bit by thinking in that way.

To be honest i dunno why i am so unmotivated. was it because of my circumstances?, Life is hard but i have to move on no matter what. I still wanna be in this blue verse, but i dont wanna wasting my time. I kept remembered the voice of my parents. they have a big faith on me. and i dont wanna mess it up. i wanna pursue my goal. soon i`m going to become 21 years old.
It is time for me to concentrate on everything i do. i have to. no more joking, no more playing, no more bitching, no more hating, dont give a shit no more to those hypocrites.

Yesterday my cousin stayed in my house. She told me what was going on. Well i am relieved because Cindy had done his project even though she didnt say anything to me. I didnt come to your Final presentation( which i really wanted to come) because 1. i feel sick to watch their face, 2. i dunno how are you going to respond and deal with me. i am a lil bit scared that we might end up in a weird situation. 3. I dont wanna hurt you anymore and i dont wanna being hurt as well. 4. I have to stick to my plan which is doing fine in my project and assignment, and i have to stick with myself about avoiding you until you get the meaning of what i had said to you. 5. I dont think you wanna see my face and i hate the fact you aint give a shit about me.

Well i guess i am doing suck at the moment. i hope i can bounce back as soon as possible. I`m quite dissappointed though about the job. because it is a nice job with good income as well. It was entirely my fault. no one to be blame. I`m so unmotivated, but i have to wake up and finish my project. Well at this moment, You are still leading( you know who you are) dont worry babe. i`ll bounce back and will be better than ever. You can smile right now but not until i left you behind my ass. :P
Well i shouldnt say these things but you inspired me and you kept reminding me. without you i probably will be lost in the middle of the forest. Thx for guiding me so far and thx for being so sweet all this time. Our bet is still on... i`m not going to let this walk away. i`m not going to give up yet. because i have to let you see how great i am...i must be the greatest.....and after that i will retire and laugh to those people who looked down on me and made my life miserable.
Fuck Yall Commoners.

And for Doris...i wish i could sensored anything that i said to you. but we both know its impossible. i never lie and you know i hate being lied. i never regret for what i said. cause it is what i feel about you and the whole things. it went sux i know...the conversation. I dont know how to make this easier for you.. because i`m so tired..i hope you will understand that i`m tired about fights, argument. I never wanted it ended like that. At least i am glad that finally you know that i am no good. i wish i could reverse the situation but i have a lot of things to take care of.
so if you read this....i want you to know i regret nothing and i will stick to what i am. you think you know me very well. but the fact is you gave the wrong perception about me. I told you there are so many untold secret. no one can understand me as well as my self. i know i was being such an ass. you even said i`m such an ego person. Well i have to admit it. It was you who light up the fire..if it wasnt you started it first, i wont be pissed. Well i thank you for your patient to listen to me and give me such a good advise as my sister. but too bad the conversation went fucked up. Next time you dont have to listen to me no more.

I am getting used with my self. I have no one to rely on. thats fine with me. i know it sounds pathetic but i dont give a fuck no more to anyone who against me. i just wanna stick with my friends who love me for who i am, supporting me all the good times and bad times, never says i am an idiot, or whatsoever.
Till later.. i will start my first journey in the real world tomorrow.
Love you guys especially Bebe..
I am so sorry not being able to tell you what i feel. i was too afraid.. and your attitude doesnt seem to be friendly to me. I still waiting for the day when all the bad memories are erased.

Till then i will be gone.. and so are you.

Violet =Red=Anger

2004-12-01T10:48:00.000+11:00

I have a thought when i was thinking about my past.
These day is very hard for me to deal with, People ought to assuming that i`m such an asshole person which i think its not fair. Some people says "Dont judge a book by its cover". well i guess in my case, such quote doesnt reflects any shit. i`m tired of people who trying to stab my back, i`m tired of being treated unrespect., i`m tired about people telling me what they want. i`m tired of listening for those who has a two face, I`m tired being used. Fuck Em, I aint give a shit anymore.

A few days ago, something quite shocking happend to me. the bast part is i might get a job in Coles Myer. i`m still waiting for the answer though. i was sucked at the interview i guess, but i have a confidence to get the job. and the worst part is that i have to face Her again in 2005 january. she told me that she`ll come to study again. well i guess its not because she wanted to study at the first place. I reckon she`s coming back because of the fuck face.
I`m not sure about my feeling right now. but seems like i`m quite sad with her decision. Why??
I have so many WHY question in my mind.
But this time i will keep it in my heart and my mind instead to show my emotional part.

Its hard for me nowadays to keep my standard of my result in school. because i couldnt concentrate when i was at home. there are small confrontation between my housmate. but i think i`m not gonna tell a story about it. cause i wanna stick to my plan. this site is only for her.dedicated for her. who hurt me so much, rip my world apart, made me miserable and fuckin stoned about life. Well i decided that i might not send you the letter and let you know about my feelings until i will fade away from your life forever. Well your decision to came back to Sydney really bothers me a lot. I know its your money and you have rights to go wherever you wanted. But to tell you the truth its hard for me to have an easy n happy life to face with your appearance. The fact that we might meet somewhere in the shooping mall, in the street, on the bus or whatsoever really annoyed me. Since i respect your decision, i hope you will understand my decision and my perception as well..

At least i already tried my best to make you happy. I am done, Today is the day you have a final presentation. u just called me and asked me to come. Well i hope you will show your best, off course i hate to see you fail your final project. I believe in you.
I have to tell you something that i couldnt express. i knew that you also one of those bastard who spread a bad rumours about me. You told everyone in your group that i`m bastard bla bla bla. The impact of it really pissed me off even though i`m okay with it. Cat is an asshole and biatch. She was trying to spread and influence my class mate to hate me. but unfortunately some of my class mate turn to hate her. well i guess she got her own lesson by being such a big mouth. Army told me that Cat was telling her something about me. haha thx army.. she trust me and turn to set an arrow to that bitch. Well i guess you cindy should stop doing that. i never try to make you look bad in my friends group. i always respect you. but since you chose to be one of them. i can tell you now that i`m okay with it. it aint matter to me.. cause i`m tired.

Its better for someone who express their feeling towards purely rather to talk n assuming something behind of it. The reason i went nuts is because i`m lost. At least i show you The reality inside me. I never show fake or acting scenes when i was with you.
Well if you are a smart girl. you wont hate me like you hate me today
your choice for being like this i couldnt blame you.
I am lonely yeah. still i dunno what will happend to my future.
i might drop my study if..1. i fail one of my subject...2. if i fuck up once again and drown in a big hole...3. the rest part is because of your apperance. i rather go in some place alone.
I missed my parents because they are so understanding these day
especially my DAD who always support me n love me without showing it instead of proving it.
I`m so grateful that i given a chance to achieve my goal instead of continue my family business which i`m not into with.

I hope that time will go fast so i can find my own happiness.
Until Later....i`ll write again..

" To be happy is the choice i wish to make in spite of the circumstances that are strewn in my path".

Time

2004-11-26T19:02:00.000+11:00

City View

All i can say that i am quite happy with my life right now
i had a party last saturday and we`ll make a farewall party with japanese mate
it was fun... we went to bondi junction and beach..
we were all tipsy and kinda stupid with our intention before we got there
To get LAID! hahaha
It wasnt my idea though... It was Toshi birtday so we were trying to give Toshi a girl to be with at that night. we failed anyway haha so dont worry
it was sux..the bar, pub cause there wasnt any asian chicks..
After all we were all ended up in Bondi beach and we congratulated Toshi in the middle of the road. He was shouting because he got too excited..he became 24 anyway
those japanese mate is really a good friend to be with
charming, open minded, truthfull, honest and friendly as well

Its kinda odd anyway because we were bothered by Aussie chicks in the middle of conversation
the chicks just came over and said "Sakuhachi"... we were all laugh...it means Blow Job..
I got a new words in my lexicon hehehe.
After we had our meals at 1 p.m..we called it a night for today
We were to tired to find another chicks..
it was hopeless in the middle of Bondi..
i`m not familiar with that place..cause i live in the city.
and there are no asian chicks in bondi..its kinda rare to find one.
We promised that we are going to hang out more before they went back for good

Anyway Hiro one of my friend is going back to Yokohama soon..in the next 2 weeks.
Before that...i want to surf with all of them. on the beach for sure.
i heard that Hiro just broke up with his girfriend recently
he is quite charming person..smile a lot, good looking and same age as me too..
sometimes i can see his face are a little bit sad and lonely
though he never show his feeling and never told me about what had happended
i can feel his sadness..i wanted to tell him that i`m just the same as you
no need to be sadness ...

To tell the truth ...bondi beach is the best place to reminiscene.
i saw the sunset last week..i was stunned because of the scenery was amazing
Well i guess i started to appreciate a lil things around me...

Well this is just a teaser about me
i`m doing fine anyway and i`ll be good :)
Later.....

" I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves wasted it away. I wrote your name on a piece of paper, but it got thrown away. I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. So I wrote your name in my heart and thats where it will stay".

Next Chapter

2004-11-26T18:29:00.000+11:00

As Sunset started to spark in morning.. i will start the long journey of my life.
Recently i got busy because of assignment...the good news is i didnt fucked up.
i`m quite doing well..at least i got credit :)
i learn a lot of things while i`m being alone
i started to realize that fate had a stranger way of making its point
Thats the part of beauty of it.
It is inexplicable, unpredictable and absolutely beyond control and understanding.

The disappearance of her in my life has shaped my way of thinking and believing about my self. Nowadays it doesnt bother me much that she is not around anymore, but there are those particular days i still thinking about her. sometimes she just popped up in my head which its hard for me to deny.

maybe the thought came because the fact that we stay in this City which i hate so much.
the breath of air that i smell and she smell bothers me a lot.
i couldnt get rid of her in my mind totally..
another 2 weeks she`ll be gone completly...i hope she wont come back anymore.
cause to tell the truth..i feel sux inside me..
its better for you without me..cause i kept messing up your life.
Its so uncanny because you never realize how i missed you
isnt it odd? maybe you`ll open your eyes and fuckin realise about it..someday somehow

At least i have someone who give a shit about me right now.. and of course you got yourself a guy in your arms right now. he must care for you.
after all i promise one thing for myself that i`m not going to waste all of my life anymore just because of what you had done to me.
Well i wish when the time goes by...and all the bad memories are erased..i`ll be in your new chapter of life.

maybe i`ll smile to you again if i meet you somewhere
I`m pretty sure that i`m going to be the greatest though
As long as we both had fade away..it might be the good choice for your own good and me as well
Just promise me that take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves.
i hope you got my point...because i dont want you to get hurt..
so promise me that without me you`ll have the greatest happiness ever.
I know its quite hard for you to understand it and maybe u get little bored

Sometimes i`m lost to express my feeling into words.
i thought time will heals everything..but its wrong...it just make things ease a lil bit.
the hardest part is coming soon....
Hope that you are going to take a good care of yourself while i`m gone.

"for all the times i never said the things i should have, i thank you for all the time you understood".

2004-11-06T18:03:00.000+11:00

Where the heart is...

Its been 2 weeks and 2 days...
The room seems so narrow and empty
I pretend to hide my feelings, but it burns me more and more
When will this feeling stops?
How can i listen to my mind without breaking my heart?

I am so confused, what should i do?
I cant think of anything except you
Should i ignore you or just give it a time?
I cant think straight, my mind controls my mind

Sometimes i realise that you dont wanna look on your heart.
You dont wanna remember where have you been.
Can you listen the sound of my heart?
it sounds bomp bomp, bomp...
And thats the beat of the heart

One week and 5 days....

2004-11-02T02:32:00.000+11:00

Cloudy

You believe there is someone else to relieve your emptiness
and your dream about yourself

Will i have the chance to fill your needs?
Can i do this one more time?

As if the fog rolls heavy on me
and all the brightness fades away
There is an emptiness inside me
and i was hoping you fill it in

I feel like kicking out all the windows
and setting fire to my life
The emptiness felt more like cold blue
Ice in my heart

I would change everything for you using colours bold and bright
But all the colours mix together to grey

and it breaks my heart....

Endless Blue..

2004-10-28T23:03:00.000+10:00

Taken at times when i missed you ( 5.01 am)

I couldnt look back, you would gone away from me
I felt my heartache
I was afraid of following you
When i had looked at the shadows on the wall
I started running into the night to find the truth in me
All of you in my memory is still shinining in my heart
Crying in deep red

Watching the stars till they`re gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story i was in
Who never knew the story ends

Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I will read the last line

I have been walking in this endless blue verse
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends

When the rain stops, i will turn the page
The page of the first chapter

Am i wrong to be hurt
Am i wrong to feel pain
Am i wrong to be in the rain
Am i wrong to wish the night wont end
Am i wrong to cry
But i know, Its not wrong to give you the last best
Cause forever fades

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I`ll be in the next chapter....

Beautiful Sunset

2004-10-24T13:29:00.000+10:00

From my balcony view at 5.29 am

"Sunset are most beautiful when you watch them with someone you love, and yet they are the saddest scenery created by God when you watch it alone".

I try to stop my self
But my heart keep goes destroying the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do i try to live, do i try to love

Cant let my heart kill myself
Still i am feeling for
I believed if times passes, everything turns into beauty
If the rain stop, tears clean the scar of memory away
Everything starts to wear a real colors
Every sound begins playing a heartful melody

Jealousy embelishes a page of epic
Desire is embraced in a dream

But my mind is still in chaos and..........